Tat Two'd
by Merkle
Summary: Sequel to Tattoo. AH/AU New meaning to crazy family, find out what kind of trouble they can get into next! Sarcasm will never be the same when tempers fly off the handle. Let the circus begin.
1. Honey Moon Pie

**Disclaimer: I thank Stephenie Meyer for sharing her characters but I do not own them.**

**Honey Moon Pie**

"Stupid Fucking dress." I was mumbling incoherently as I tried to hold the bottom of my dress up so I could put on the matching fucking heels. This place was buzzing with people talking about random bull shit just to pass the time. I can not believe I allowed Alice and Rose talk me into this.

My sister was getting married, and I just so happen to be the matron of honor. I tried to bow out gracefully by telling Rose that Alice would make a much better matron of honor, but no…Rose couldn't have that, she had to have her sister as her matron of honor. Next thing I know Alice is throwing me into dresses and I have to prepare a speech.

I do not handle crowds well; let alone having to speak in front of them. What in the world Rose could possibly be thinking is really beyond me. It makes no damn sense to have the clumsiest person in the world stand up in front of hundreds of people to deliver a speech that will not only end up embarrassing her but also me.

"Bella are you ready yet?" I rolled my eyes even though Alice could not see me behind the door doing it. The space that I was currently in was a very cramped very smelly dressing room. It was not smelly in a body odor kind of way, more or less like way to much different mixes of perfume. I bet you anything that every single woman who stepped into this room sprayed something on themselves before they stepped out.

Of course Edward made me late getting here, so instead of being one of the first one's dressed I am the last and will probably end up smelling like French a whore from all of the different perfumes in this place.

"Damnit, I am coming Alice…shit let me get this damn death trap you call a shoe on." Alice was smacking her palm on the door now, impatient little pixie devil. You know, come to think about it…Rose didn't even have a chance to be a bridezilla. Alice took over that role for her when she started planning out Rose's wedding.

"God Bella, it's about time you came out of there. We still have hair and make up to get done."

"Alice, isn't Rose supposed to be the bridezilla? Not you."

"Pish Posh, I am simply stressing out so that she doesn't have to. It's what a true friend is for."

Alice waved her hand at me to follow her to the hair and make up area. I was taking my sweet fucking time, there was no way I was going to bust my ass so early in the game and let me tell you what, the shoes have it out for me. Therefore I need to be paying close attention to each step I take today.

"What the…" I felt a large hand cup my mouth and pull me into a dark hall way. I should have been freaking out but the 'shhh' I heard came from Edward, so I bit down on his hand earning myself a quiet yelp from him before he spun me around to look at me incredulously.

"What the fuck was that for?"

"I couldn't see who my attacker was. You should be proud of me, I defended myself."

I smiled up at him as he rolled his eyes and shook his head. I'm sure that he knew I knew who my attacker was, but I would never admit it…I secretly enjoyed biting him.

"Did you tell them yet?"

"No Edward, I didn't."

"Well, I told Jasper, Emmett and Carlisle."

"Look, I am not taking over Rose's big day…so tell them idiots to keep there mouth shut or I will locate the stapler."

"Wow, someone's a little violent today."

"Have you seen these heels?"

"Bella, what in the world do the heels have to do with your mood?"

"You try walking in 4 inch stilettos and then tell me how it affects your mood."

Edward laughed lightly before peppering my neck with kisses, his tongue was starting to run circles along my collar bone and I knew that I had to put this to and end. He was going to make me late again and it was only a matter of time before Alice started looking for me.

"Edward."

"Mrs. Cullen."

"You need to stop. Seriously, Alice is about to come looking for me and then she's going to smack us both around. I am supposed to be in hair and make up."

"Your hair looks fine and you don't need any make up."

"Tell that to Alice."

"I will if you want me to."

I rolled my eyes and placed my hands firmly on Edward's chest so that he didn't go and find Alice. He took this as his own initiative to starting trailing kisses down my neck and along my collar bone. I had to push my self away from him.

"Edward, I'm going to hair and make up. I will see you out there."

I pointed my finger for him to leave the way he obviously came and he pouted at me. I wouldn't say that I was exactly immune to his pouting, but I was starting to learn when he would use his secret weapon…and with that tid bit of information I was able to close my eyes so that I didn't have to look at it.

I stepped out of the dark hall way and started walking as fast as I possibly could in these shoes towards the make up and hair room. I could here the endless chatter and constant bickering coming from the crack in the door. I really did not want to step foot into the lions den, I was sure to get my head chewed off. Esme, Kim and Alice all looked disappointed in me when I did finally enter the room. Rose simply looked at me through her dressing mirror and gave me a thankful smile. I assume they have been torturing her too.

"Where have you been? I know it does not take ten minutes to walk down that hall!"

"Alice, chill out. I got here as fast as I could."

"Yea, well what was the hold up?"

"Your brother."

"Which one?"

"Not Emmett."

"Figures."

"Yup."

"Oh well, so much to do so little time, sit down so I can start doing your make up. Esme will you grab that flat iron and start doing her hair?"

While Alice was barking orders to the unfortunate mothers Rose was giving me looks of pity. She knew I hated to play Bella Barbie. As soon as Alice decided that my wardrobe was unacceptable she began this game and if you ask me it's a bit ridiculous. I have no need for all of this high fashion make up wearing crap.

Kim was standing behind Rose rubbing her shoulders down and massaging her neck. See, now if Alice really would have thought of everything then she would have also thought to have a masseuse around.

"How are you holding up Rose?"

"Fine, I just want to get this over with."

"I definitely feel your pain there."

"Oh, if only you knew."

"I think I have a pretty good idea."

"Ouch, Alice, what the hell?"

"Hold still Bella."

"Shit."

Alice had moved from my make up to my hair, and she was presently tugging and pulling at it to put it up in a bun. I had curls extending around my face and the curling iron that Esme was holding felt way to close to my skin for comfort.

"So where were you and Edward these last two days?"

"Oh, we had some stuff to take care of for insurance purposes."

I glanced at Esme through the mirror hoping that she wouldn't ask what exactly we had to take care of. It wasn't anything big in my book. Although, Edward was as excited as a damn child on Christmas day. He may have one this battle but I was winning the war, at least that's how I was looking at it.

"Ok, Bella, you're done."

"Oh good, I'm going to step outside and get some fresh air. How long do I have?"

"Only a few minutes, so be quick."

"I will."

I stood up, and started walking towards the door to head outside. I wanted to clear my mind before I walked in front of a bunch of people's stares. I could always feel there eyes like laser beams in the back of my head. It was nerve wracking to say the least. My anxiety was at an all new level of high and I could only imagine how Rose was filling. I know she handled crowds and pressure well, or at least she handled them better than I did. But, this was her wedding and surely there would be more people looking at her than there were looking at me.

I made my way outside of the building and stood against a far wall. My dad, Charlie was standing in the same spot but we didn't speak a word to each other. He looked like a ball of nerves ready to spontaneously combust at any moment.

"Dad, are you ok?"

"Yea, Bells…don't worry about me. How is Rose?"

"Oh, she's doing good, just ready to get this over with you know."

"Yea, I guess I do know. Hey Bells, can I ask you a question?"

"Sure dad, shoot."

"Well, this Emmett guy…is he a good guy?"

"Dad, he's perfect for Rose. She could not have found anyone better."

"That's good."

I glanced his way momentarily knowing that there was something more on his mind, he must have been having trouble spitting it out. I didn't know if I wanted to push it out of him, heaven knows that my father can think of some pretty awkward conversations to bring up…and I didn't want to fall victim to another awkward moment.

We both stood there shifting our feet uncomfortably against the cement in awkward silence. So much for avoiding an awkward moment with Charlie. I decided that it was now or never and whatever awkward conversation he might bring up could at least be slightly distracting from the crowd that awaited us inside.

"Dad, is there something else on your mind?"

"Well, kind of."

Charlie began scratching his head nervously as he glanced at me from the corner of his eye. Let the awkward situations begin! I rolled my eyes and tried to give Charlie my sternest look possible, maybe he would just cave and spit it out already.

"Well, I mean…do you think…maybe I shouldn't…awe hell Bells, I don't know if I should give Rose the 'honey moon' speech or not. Do you think she needs someone to talk to about that? Maybe a guy's point of view?"

I laughed, not only did I laugh I almost had tears coming out of my eyes. I would give anything in the world to see Charlie give Rose a 'what to do at the honey moon' speech. Actually, I would probably request to video tap it and post it on you tube.

"Dad, are you serious?"

He nodded his head and looked at me like I was crazy; I could see the smile starting to pull at the corners of his lips…at least me getting a good laugh at his expense was lightening the mood.

"Well, I guess I'm worrying over nothing."

"Yea, Dad, I'm sure Rose does not need any help in that department."

"Well, we better head back in Bells; the drill instructor will be out shortly to drag us in by our ears."

I turned on my heel to head into the building while Charlie wrapped his arm around my own; it was a sweet gesture and trust me I was not letting go if I could help it. Not that I felt that this was a good daddy daughter bonding moment, but shit he was a sturdy guy and could probably help me keep from busting my ass on the way to the waiting room.

"It's about time you two showed up, I was about to send Kim and Esme out to drag your butts in here."

I looked up at Charlie and gave him a sheepish grin, he had spent enough time with Alice to know that she didn't mean any harm…well let me rephrase that, she didn't mean any harm as long as your were cooperating with her grand plan of things. Charlie smiled back at me before moving to the end of the line to stand with Rose.

Here goes nothing, bring on the 'oohhh' and 'awes' of the crowd! The music started playing on the other side of the wood double doors. Esme and Kim were going to be the first to walk out followed by the ring bearer which was Roses nephew Alec and the flower girl which was Alec's twin sister Jane. They were both dark haired little kids who were by far smarter than anyone really gave them credit for. Edward laughed at me when I told him that I was going to be watching my back from those two when they got older. There was something seriously disturbing behind those dark eyes.

Following up behind the twins was Alice and myself, then of course Charlie and Rose. They guys were already supposed to be standing up at the front with Emmett. Esme had warned them that if Emmett started to misbehave she was holding them responsible. I'll tell you what; if Emmett is smart he'll be on his best behavior today because I would like to keep him as a brother in law. Not that Rose wouldn't marry him…she would marry him no matter what happened right now. But don't think for once she wouldn't hesitate to pick up a shovel and burry him in the back yard.

The line started moving forward and Alice picked up my hand and squeezed it tightly, I looked over to my evil best friend and noticed that her smile was practically blinding me, how many times did this chick bleach her teeth? No one's smile was naturally that white…there was just no way.

I followed four seconds behind Alice as she began her walk down the aisle. All eyes were surprisingly still on the door awaiting Rose, I was so thankful that no one was paying attention to notice that I stumbled slightly when I reached the steps that I was supposed to stand on. Well, no one but Edward and Jasper…they both made sure to hide there chuckles at my own humiliation.

Rose was graceful as she entered the room, the lights dimmed and the music changed to a softer melody. She didn't want to walk to the traditional wedding march but for the life of me I couldn't tell you the name of the music that was currently playing. Charlie held on to Rose tightly and when they reached Emmett he leaned in to whisper something in Emmett's ear. I couldn't tell you what he said but I could tell you that it made Emmett blush. Now that, I have never seen.

The vows were simple blah blah blah do you and blah blah blah this until they reached the specific blah blah that requested if anyone wanted to object to this marriage. Of course everyone turned to look around the reception to find out who would be brave enough to speak. There was a moment of silence and just as the preacher was about to continue the big double doors flew open. With a loud gasp coming from the crowd he stood there with a determined look in his eyes. I was about to commit murder.

"I object!"

"Fucking Figures."


	2. The Coolest Pixie

**Disclaimer: I thank Stephenie Meyer for sharing her characters but I do not own them.**

**The coolest Pixie.**

Oh, Alice was pissed. Not just pissed Alice was about to sentence James straight to hell, and she'd probably carry him there on her back. No one should ever be so stupid as to ruin a wedding that Alice spent a shit load of time putting together, I was not afraid of the evil glare coming from Rose or the death stare coming from Emmett, no I was afraid of Alice.

The church was quiet, except for a low growl coming from one of the boys, I could only assume it was Emmett but something inside of me said that it could have been either one them. To say that I was a little shocked was an understatement of the century… but to say that I wasn't surprised when Alice picked up the bottom of her dressed and marched over to James would be an insult to my better judgment. I wanted to follow her down there, but I knew someone had to stand up here with Rose to keep her from ruining her dress.

"Who the hell do you think you are?"

Alice had crossed her arms and was tapping her foot angrily on the floor. The only sound other than the silent growl was now her constant foot tapping.

"I asked you a question you dumb ass!"

I watched as James formed a scowl on his face. His hand was extended out to Rose like a silent plea for her to pick up her dress and run with him. Was this guy serious? You would have to be an idiot to think you were competition for Emmett. Anyone in there right mind could clearly see that Rose was hopelessly devoted to the man. That's when it hit me…James was definitely not in his right mind. He could even answer Alice…and her glare was getting worse by the minute.

Charlie stood up as Kim placed her hand delicately over his forearm…yup things were about to get ugly around here. I glanced up at the preacher realizing that no one had given him a second thought, being that he was supposed to be a man of god, I'm sure he didn't want to see James's blood spilt all over the floor. His face was serene for the most part… but he did look slightly confused.

"Rose, you love me…I know you do. We're meant to be…come with me."

"Are you kidding me? You can't be fucking serious. You show up at my wedding to confess your confused feelings of love for me? James, I do not even like you…you are the gum underneath my shoe. Leave."

I looked from James to Rose and back to Alice, my eyes were darting everywhere at this point in time, it seemed that everyone was motionless that is, until Alice reached her tiny little fist back and swung at James. No one saw that coming as he fell back with a loud thud on the floor. I was ready to start laughing when Alice crouched down next to him whispering in his ear.

If I had a genie and could be granted three wishes for my entire life, one of them would have been to hear what Alice had said to James because it was obviously good. The look of horror on his face as he was escorted by Alice out of the door followed by the shocked gasp from the crowd coupled with Alice telling them that she was in fact a lady was hilarious.

I didn't feel bad laughing at that moment, hell Rose and Emmett were laughing with me. Alice marched back up to stand in her position next to me on the steps. Rose gave her a grateful smile and we all turned expectantly back towards the preacher who was slacked jawed in amusement. The twinkle in his eyes made up for the glares coming from the audience.

"Could you please precede Sir?"

Emmett was trying to stifle his laughter as the preacher shook his head and proceeded with the ceremony. The rest of the wedding went on with out any kind of disturbances, now I'm not sure it was out of fear of Alice or out of mere respect for the drama that had already occurred. I'd like to think it was partially Alice and I'm sure she would agree with me.

After throwing bags of rice like speed balls at Rose and Emmett, Alice and I decided that we would ride together to the reception hall ahead of everyone else. She had a few things that she wanted to make sure were set up before any of Rose's guest arrived. Plus, Alice had these "totally awesome" outfits for us to change into.

The car pulled into the drive way of the hotel where the reception would be held at, we stepped out as Alice handed the valet her keys and pulled me along to make sure everything was set up just right. And, of course it was. The staff here would be insane not to have it ready by now, but then again, with what's happened today I'm sure that anything is possible.

We began our walk to the room where we would be getting changed. I hoped that Alice had planned on me wearing flats instead of heels but I had a gut feeling that I would never be that lucky. I didn't fight too much when she let my hair down from the bun and I didn't argue when she decided that we needed to change the eye shadow color to match the outfit she made for me, but I did put a small fight when I saw the shoes that went with her creation.

"Alice, are you really that crazy? There is no way I will be able to walk let alone stand in those damn things."

"I am not crazy and we don't have enough time to sit here and argue about these beautiful shoes."

"Alice, I'd like to actually walk."

"Bella, you'll be doing more than walking…now be quiet and put the shoes on."

I huffed a little as I sat down in the chair to begin the process of strapping on the death traps that Alice refers to as shoes. I used to say that Edward was going to be the death of me, but I'd like to change that to a Cullen was going to be the death of me. I don't know which one it is but I am sure it will be one of them.

"So Bella…"

"So Alice…"

"I know you and Edward are hiding something from me."

"I don't know what you are talking about Alice."

"Yes you do. But that's ok, I'll find out. I have my ways."

"Whatever you say Alice."

And, I meant that…I was not going to be the one to say anything. All it would attract is some useless unwanted attention. I was sure however that the cat was going to be let out of the bag sooner or later. Emmett had a big mouth and Edward had to spill the beans to someone, namely three different someone's. I'm just glad that Charlie wasn't in the room when he was running his mouth.

I rolled my eyes and stood up from the chair trying to gain my balance and take a test step with the new shoes on. This was going to be a damn disaster and I couldn't wait until this day was over with.

"Alright Bella, lets head down stairs. Everyone should be arriving by now. Do you have your toast ready? Oh my god, I didn't make sure that Edward had his speech! Do you think he has his ready? What if he didn't bring it with him?"

"Alice, calm the fuck down. I have my speech. I tucked Edward's speech into his front pocket, he is fully aware of where it is at. Everything is going to be ok."

She smiled up at me and grabbed my hand to bring me along with her to the reception hall. I smiled when we entered and I saw Edward standing at the door waiting for me. He was holding my flip flops behind his back so that Alice couldn't see them. I looked down at my dress and smiled even bigger. It was just long enough that no one would even notice.

"You are my hero."

Edward chuckled as he escorted me to an empty hall so that I could change my shoes. What Alice didn't know wouldn't hurt her and Alice not knowing something was a rare commodity to take advantage of. And trust me; I planned to take advantage of it.

"You know, the best part of getting married is the honey moon after ward."

"Well, I guess that Rose and Emmett will have a good time after the reception."

Edward frowned a little bit and picked up the strappy shoes disposing of them in a trash can. I immediately panicked. It was one thing to go against Alice and slip into my flip flops, but it was an entirely different ball park to watch her brother throw the shoes away. I was going to be a dead woman if he didn't get those things out of there.

"Edward, you idiot! Get those out of there. I need to hide them back in the room."

"And why should I?"

"Edward Anthony Masen Cullen if you do not get those fucking shoes out of that damn trash can I swear on your soon to be lack of a sex life that I will sick Alice on you!"

"Not so fast Bella Marie Swan Cullen, I'll just tell Alice that you did it."

"And why would I tell on myself?"

"You know what; let's let her decide who was wrong."

"You wouldn't."

"Watch me."

Oh this was not funny, this was far from funny. Watch he was going to bring a crowd with him. I needed to get those damn shoes out of the trash can myself and put them back on before he got back with Alice. I was going to kill him in his sleep. How in the hell can he think this is funny? Did he not see what Alice did to James earlier? What did he need a fucking refresher? Screw that.

I dived head first into the tall ass trash can fishing for the probably over priced death traps until I felt the strap graze my finger. I pinched the straps with all of my strength and lifted myself out of the trash can to see Emmett and Rose laughing at me. I did not have time to explain so I slipped behind Emmett with a confused looking Rose and rushed through putting the damn shoes back on.

"Bella, what the hell are you doing?"

"No time to explain…cover me and let me know if you see Edward and the pixie."

Rose and Emmett shook there heads from side to side trying to stifle there laughter. This couldn't have been the strangest thing that I have been caught doing, although this was a first time for me to fish around in a damn trash can that I swear was almost taller than I was. When I finally stood up I leaned my weight against Emmett to steady myself on the shoes.

"Done. Ha! Take that Edward."

"Bella, can you please explain to me now?"

"No time, Rose, I need to hide the evidence."

"What evidence, what the hell are you going on about?"

"Ugh, I said I don't have time…where can I hide my flip flops and the trash can is not an option. Quickly…Rose…think quickly."

"Umm, how about…shit I don't know."

We were all looking around the hall trying to find a place to hide my flip flops when Alice appeared with an amused Edward. That little rat actually did it. Sure, you may laugh at me now…but I was far from done with him. He was so dead meat.

"Bella, why do you have flip flops in your hand?"

I paused for a second and looked to Emmett and Rose for assistance. They had to have seen the pain and terror seeping through my expression because Emmett snatched the flip flops out of my hand and spoke first much to the amusement of Rose.

"Alice, I brought these for Rose…you know her days been so stressful I didn't want her feet to hurt so bad that she couldn't dance with me."

Yes, that would work, as long as I had Rose and Emmett on my side she'd never believe Edward. Inside I was doing a little victory dance and laughing in Edward's face. Outside I was staring pointedly at Edward and planning his murder. He really thought that just because I was now stuck with him that he could get away with this shit. Well, he was sadly mistaken, Rose had taught me well and I was damned to let her lessons go to waste.

"Bella, lift up your dress."

I didn't hesitate at all as I lifted my dress to show off the shoes that Alice had generously picked out for me. I smiled at Rose as I saw the light bulb finally go off in her head. Yes, that was what the big emergency was about, preventing my murder by the evil little pixie.

"Edward, why did you tell me that Bella had thrown her shoes away? You nearly gave me a heart attack!"

Edward still had an amused expression on his face as he shrugged his shoulders and moved to stand next to me. I inched a closer to Emmett and gave him a very pointed look. He didn't respond in the way I wanted him to, no instead he smiled at me. What in the world is he trying to do to me today?

"Whatever, you two are up to something. Wait until I find out…"

Alice's words trailed as she waved for Rose and Emmett to follow her so that they could be announced. I didn't plan on talking to Edward for the rest of the night, he wanted to be childish I could be childish as well; the silent treatment was my favorite game.

As I started to follow everyone else I could hear his laughter following behind me, my annoyance was turning into anger as I tried to remember why I cared about him so much. It was moments like these that I questioned even my sanity. Don't worry though, I'm sure that sooner rather than later I would be laughing with him. It's just that right now, I was not as some would say, feeling it


	3. Mrs Idiot Cullen

**Disclaimer: I thank Stephenie Meyer for sharing her characters but I do not own them.**

**Mrs. Idiot Cullen**

Everything was going absolutely fucking fantastic! Except for this foul mood that I was in. I was trying really hard to keep my fake smile plastered to my face so that everyone could see just how happy I really was. Of course Edward was the only one to ask me what was wrong, and I know you're probably thinking that my bad mood was his fault, but really it's not. I got over that incident with Alice and the shoes when he attacked me at the buffet line and forced me to dance with him.

It was our very first dance ever and lucky for us I didn't hurt myself or anyone else for that matter. Edward was simply gliding me along the floor, keeping a safe distance from the other dancers. Sure it was for there protection more than it was my own, but I did appreciate the gesture.

"Nothing is wrong, I just hate being at these things."

"Are you sure that's all?"

"Yes, I'm sure. Now go get yourself some cake. You've been eyeing it all damn day."

"But, I don't want to leave you…"

Edward chuckled a little bit with his last comment before I rolled my eyes and waved my hands in the air to shoo him away. I really didn't want to hear any fake cheesy romantics. Ok, well not really fake, Edward really was an old soul who loved the romantic crap. I humored him most times, but secretly and don't you dare tell a soul…I really liked it.

He always had a way to stay true to his first words that he said to me many days long ago, and as true to his words as he is to me, I could feel myself breaking down everything. He pushed just a little bit and I gave a lot. It's not that I was changing; I don't think Edward and I could work if I changed. Nope, I was just letting down that wall that kept people out, letting him in closer than any one single person has ever been to me and actually liking every break in that wall.

Now I was sitting at a long white table staring at the crowd that was forming around the cake with Rose and Emmett. Of course, Alice was directing the photographers on what angles she would like to see the photo's taken from and Jasper was just waiting to get his hands on some cake much like Emmett, but Rose…no she was admiring her cake with a far away look in her eyes.

I shook my head slightly, it was just cake…but she was looking at like it was her first born child. Women get way to sentimental about this crap. I rolled my eyes and drew my focus away from the cake; I wouldn't have one of those. I was not going to have a reception, I was not going to have Charlie walk me down the aisle, and I was not going to have to wear that big puffy white marshmallow looking dress.

Thank God, is all I got to say about that. It wasn't for me, it didn't fit me, and it sure as hell was not going to be forced on me. I looked down at my hands remembering the day that Edward and I had declared ourselves and got these tattoos. People always asked about them, more often than they would ask about Rose or Alice's engagement rings…the tattoo had proven itself to mean more than a stupid piece of metal and a few words.

"Hey Bella, whatcha doing?"

I glanced up to see that Jasper was sitting next to me with a big piece of cake shoveling food into his face. I laughed as I imagined Alice chasing him around with a Tide pen trying to erase the evidence of frosting that he may or may not get on his shirt.

"Oh, nothing…just sitting here trying to avoid the cake crowd."

"You want a bite? It's actually pretty good."

"Nope, I'm not really a cake eating kind of girl."

"Fine, suit yourself…more for me."

I could always count on Jasper to lighten my mood a little bit, he never asked me what's wrong unless it seemed serious and he never once would force me to explain myself for my decisions. He just went with it; I wish some other people cough Alice cough would get a board that flight. She was his exact fucking opposite, always pushing and pulling for information. It was better to just walk into the door and either A. spill your guts about your entire day in detail, or B. write up a fucking essay before you even got home detailing your day and your thoughts on your day.

I did not used to think of myself as a person who talked a lot, but with Alice asking you a million and one questions it's hard not to talk a lot. Actually, no, fuck that…it's impossible not to talk a lot. I even tried playing the silence game with her…I bet money and everything…she won.

She was sitting at the dining room table staring at me as I was trying to read a book, she kept tapping her tiny little fucking foot, over and over and over again. It was driving me up a damn wall. I tried the whole 'give her a pointed glance' or the 'throw something heavy at her' but neither one worked. So after I picked my book up off the floor, hence the heavy object I threw at her, and I sat back down and tried everything I possibly could to ignore her…but no that fucking tapping had to have the last laugh. I broke; I lost because I could not just walk into a room with carpet. Or better yet, I could not go into my room and lock the door.

Nope, instead my dumb ass goes and tells her to shut the fuck up. I not only lost peace and quiet for the rest of the day, but I also lost $100.00. That sucked badly, and don't think that the little pixie didn't know what she was doing. No, that crayon isn't dull…she knew exactly what she was doing to me.

"Oh shit, Bella look over there. Which one do you think Rose or Alice will kill first?"

I rolled my eyes assuming that Emmett and Edward were misbehaving and sure enough the catastrophe was just about to begin. Alice hadn't yet spotted the soon to be tragedy and Rose was talking with Dr. Cullen and Esme, the new in laws, so neither one of them were paying attention. I knew where it was heading. Shit, I was actually kind of worried about where it was heading. There was a buffet line and an awful lot of cake sitting next to them two.

"My money is on Alice and I'd say Emmett will die first. Edward is her favorite brother."

Jasper looked from me to the scene unfolding before he stood up and marched towards Emmett and Edward. I chuckled as I thought about how Jasper was probably going to try and calm them down, in turn making it worse but including himself in whatever argument they were having.

Rose was still completely clueless so I decided that if anyone would be able to stop the bear that is Emmett it would have to be her. I shook my head and stood up on the dangerous heels and started the dangerous walk over to Rose.

"Hey umm…Rose, can I talk to you?"

"Oh hey Bella, you know Dr. Cullen and his wife Esme."

"Please Rose, just Carlisle and Esme."

"Hey Doc…Esme…umm could I borrow Rose for just a second?"

"Oh Bella, just spit it out."

I looked at Rose with the best pleading look I could, I hadn't seen Edward's parents since I was sixteen and staying in Forks, WA, I really didn't want to explain that there son's were childish buffoons in front of them. Rose glared at me as confused as ever so I sighed and decided to throw in the towel. Hopefully Carlisle and Esme would already know just how stupid there sons were, and they would take pity on the person bearing the bad news.

"Oh no, Bella look out."

"What?"

I turned around just a huge, red, sloppy fucking meat ball hit me in the side of the head and then slid down my face and on to my dress. Alice was not going to have a chance to kill them, I was on my way. I bent down to remove the strap on my heel, if I was going to commit murder I was at least going to be comfortable while I did it.

Rose was shocked as Esme and Carlisle moved to take cover. They looked like expert food fight dodgers, which only leads me to believe that this is not the first fucking rodeo for them. Rose caught on to what I was doing and by time I looked up at her she was glaring in the direction of the cake

I raised quickly kicking off the shoes and placing a tight hold around Rose's arm. Together we marched angrily towards the food fight, the wedding dress was ruined, and I could see Alice in the distance trying to hide what she could from the table. All of our families and friends were covered in food from head to toe, my hair was matted to the sides of my face in what I could only hope was some sort of punch, but it strangely smelt like liquor. I was pissed as I stood there hand on hip glaring at everyone and anyone who so much as picked up an item to throw.

I know who started it, well I knew which two started it and they were both going to get an ear full from me tonight, tomorrow and the day after.

"Oh my god, Rose…the dress!"

Alice stammered over to where Rose and I were standing and started brushing Rose's dress of with a damp napkin. I'm sure it wasn't doing any fucking good. Actually, I'm positive it wasn't doing any good as I watched Alice just smear the red from the sauce deeper into the white silk.

"Alice, call an airline and book a third flight to Italy."

Alice and I both shot a dangerous look towards Emmett before staring blankly at Rose. Why in the world would she need a third flight booked? I was about to ask her the question but felt my stomach knot as Rose approached Emmett, Jasper, and Edward. All three of them were covered in cake successfully ruining the tuxes that Alice spent extra time designing for Rose's specifications.

I took in a long deep breath knowing that this was not the time for me to speak, I simply needed to back up whatever Rose was about to say.

"You…all three of you…hell the whole god damn lot of you."

She pointed her finger starting at Emmett then towards Jasper, and Edward and then waving it around in an angry little circle towards the rest of the people who stood randomly around gawking at the mess they had made.

I felt like an old woman in church, like the one's you would see in the movies, chastising the Satan spawned children of the world. Except, I was not chastising anyone verbally, believe you me if looks could kill they'd all already be six feet under and praying for mercy from Rose.

"What were you thinking? Wait, stop, don't even answer that question. I don't want to even know what the fuck you three were thinking. I don't want to hear the lies. Emmett you are to stay here with the rest of them and clean this place up. I will see you at home in one week. The girls are coming with me to Italy and I have a plane to get cleaned up for."

"But Rosie, baby…"

"Don't say another fucking word Emmett. And if that house is a mess when we get back you better bet your sweet ass that I will be a divorced woman."

I surpressed my need to stick my tongue out at Emmett. He was in some big trouble and the lost puppy dog look on his face was doing him no good at all. Rose turned on her heel to head out of the church as I tip toed bare foot through cake and whatever else was thrown all over the floor to Edward.

His eyes were darting around the room until he saw me approach; he stared at me with a very concerned look. I couldn't tell you just yet whether he was concerned for himself or for me, but he was definitely concerned. I reached up and gave him a big sloppy kiss on his cheek before peppering the rest of his face with kisses. He captured my lips and placed his hands into my disgusting hair smiling into the kiss. I'm sure he didn't expect that.

"I thought you were about kill me."

"Well, Edward, the thought did cross my mind."

"Oh yea, so how did I end up kissing you instead of being murdered."

"I always wanted to check out Italy."

With that I gave him one more kiss on the cheek and turned around to follow Rose. I glanced out of the corner of my eye as Edward watched my retreating figure with a slack jaw. Serves him right, at least he got a good bye kiss. Rose barely even waved to Emmett, although I was surprised she didn't flip him off on her way.

If I would have spent that much time and effort into a damn wedding you better believe Emmett would have gotten more than a finger from me. I would never tell Rose this, but I was secretly no longer angry about the food and beverage spilt all over me. When I look back at it, it was kind of fun to dodge the mess…and well, shit, I could take a shower. The shoes and the dress didn't really mean much to me.

"I can not fucking believe that I am now Mrs. Idiot Cullen. He couldn't wait to do something stupid like that until we were at home? No, he had to ruin our wedding day. Well, I hope everyone got a lot of fucking pictures because when my grandchildren ask why I killed grandpa I want to be able to show proof."

I chuckled slightly before swinging open the suit door where Rose stood with Alice stripping off her dress and layers of food. Her hair was a mess and Alice was using only the very tips of her fingers to pull the dress off.

"So, how are we doing this? We don't have much time for all three of us to shower."

"It'll take awhile for me to get all of this off of Rose, get in the shower now and move quick. We can do our hair and make up on the plane."

I nodded my head and began stripping out of my dress. A hot shower sounded really good right now, I only hoped that whatever was thrown into my hair washed out easily. I turned on the hot water and climbed into the tub scrubbing furiously at my hair before climbing back out to towel dry. I left the hot water running so that the next person in line to use the shower didn't have to wait for hot water.

"So Rose are you sure you want to take your honey moon with Alice and I?"

I raised my voice so that she could hear me through the bathroom door as I threw on some clothes. I made a mental note to check for passports before listening intently on Rose to respond.

"Yes, Bella I am sure. I have had enough sex to hold me over anyways."

"Yea, but Rose, this is your honey moon."

"So, can you imagine the make up sex I'll have when we get back? Trust me; I am not worried about it."

I shook my head knowing that when Rose had her mind set on something she wouldn't budge. I had not been on an air plane in over a year, and I really hope that we don't have the same vacation we had the last time.


	4. Benvenuto in Italia

**Disclaimer: I do not own the characters of Twilight. Stephenie Meyer does and she is oh so very awesome for letting me play with them. Thank you.**

**Benvenuto in Italia**

"So, do any of us actually speak Italian?"

I looked around the inside of the cab watching Alice and Rose nod there heads from side to side. Great, fucking absolutely wonderful, none of knew any Italian and of course no one thought the even grab a translator book. Now we were sitting in a cab trying to leave the air port and head for a hotel that I could not even pronounce the name of. I let out a heavy sigh and leaned forward in my seat towards the cabby.

I pointed to the pamphlet in my hand hoping that he would understand my grand gesture. It would figure that we would climb into the one cab that was unfriendly towards tourist. Most of the cabs that toured the airport had drivers that would be able to accommodate tourist. But no, we get the one guy who glares and refuses to even attempt to help us out with a little English. I mean shit, it's supposedly the most commonly spoke language in the world now. Can't this guy cut me a little break? I'm tired as shit and getting crankier by the minute.

Between Alice and Rose planning not only every single thing we were going to do while in Italy they also made sure to plan our entire wardrobe as well. Alice had a few designs that she had grabbed when we stopped at the apartment to get our clothes, she swears that they would look great in Italy.

I rolled my eyes at the previous conversation and tapped on the glass window separating us and the cab driver. He still had not acknowledged me, instead he just started driving. I would like to assume that he was just being rude and knew where we were going instead of just randomly driving around and wasting our money…but then again…you know what they say happens when you assume.

Well in case you don't I'll tell you, it's simple really you just separate 'ass' then add an 'out of' then you separate the 'u' and the 'me'. Now that I have explained that, here is what it means. 'When you assume you make an ass out of you and me.' Simple right? Right…it's an easy rule of thumb to follow at least it is for me. I never mind asking a question as long as it will provide an answer.

I smiled hugely at the glass as the cab driver finally made eye contact with me through the rearview mirror. He gave me a thumb up and continued driving. Maybe the guy was a mute? That would explain the freezing cold fucking shoulder we were getting.

The cab pulled up to a very large building running along a river with gondola boats several tourists surrounding it. You could tell the tourist from the actual residents, they carried cameras and fanny packs around with them. Rose paid the cab driver not caring or worrying if she had paid him enough or too much, no she just handed him some money and stepped on to the side walk.

Once we made it into the suite and the valet dropped off our luggage I crashed on the bed. There were only two beds in the room, Alice and I had discussed sharing one of the bed earlier since this was supposed to be Roses honeymoon. I tried to look at it as my own personal honeymoon too…but I'd never be selfish enough to tell them that.

We slept for what only felt like 30 minutes, when in all reality it was more like 3 hours. Time flew by us and before I knew it Alice was throwing more clothes at me and pushing me towards the shower. Remind me that the next time I take a vacation not to have Alice around. Vacations were meant to be spent wearing sweat clothes and bathing suits…none of this high fashion death trap crap.

We all quickly showered and changed into our Alice made outfits before heading down stairs to find some where to eat. Rose had selected several romantic restaurants but changed her mind when it was just us three. She didn't want anyone to assume that we were all together, like a couple or some shit.

I really didn't care; let them assume all they want. I don't really care what other people think and from the looks we were getting from some of the locals I'm sure they didn't care if we were proper or misfits…they were not going to like us period. If someone is going to automatically assume you are a bitch…well…you might as well give them a good show.

I rolled my eyes dramatically at a few passer biers that were not only glaring at us but straight up gawking. Did people here seriously never see an American tourist? I know I just saw a few walk right by us…maybe there was toilet paper stuck on my shoe. I glanced down at my feet picking up one dangerous heel at a time and then ran my eyes over my clothes to make sure everything was in its right place. Well, it's not me. I did the same thing to Rose and Alice as they both tried to stifle their giggles.

"Well, I see no reason at all for everyone to be staring."

"I do."

"Oh yea? Well…Alice please enlighten the rest of us."

"Did either one of you look in a mirror before we left? Of course they are staring at how drop dead gorgeous we look."

I rolled my eyes along with Rose, although I'm sure we were both rolling our eyes for two separate reasons. Rose always looked in a mirror and me…well I typically try not to look, I find my appearance boring and I could see myself doing something drastic to my hair or make up to add a little something different to myself. That thought alone was enough not to look in the mirror as often as possible. I didn't want to be one of those girls, natural was far better than fake.

I flipped off the damn people staring at us as Alice pulled on my arm to lead me away. The people turned there heads up in disgust but didn't bother uttering a damn single word. Was this entire country mute or something?

"Alice, have you noticed that no one here will speak to us?"

"Nope, everyone speak to me just fine. Maybe you need to lower your 'I'm a bitch' wall and then people will speak to you. "

I pouted a little as we made way into the restaurant and put on my best smile, maybe she was right. I was here to enjoy myself anyways…I guess I could put forth a little fucking effort.

We ate at a classy restaurant and of course left a big enough tip to make anyone welcome us back. I decided while we were in the restaurant that people were not staring because we were tourist…no, people were staring because of the outfits we had on. We looked like over priced hookers compared to everyone else walking around this place.

"Alice, those old men over there are staring at us."

"So what, give them a reason to stare then."

I felt almost out of place, first she's telling me to lower my bitch wall then she's telling me to give people a reason to stare. Like the outfits she put us in weren't reason enough for them to stare, she wanted me to act a fool in the process?

I shook my head and pulled my cell phone out of my purse. I had twelve missed text messages from Edward. I didn't read any of them…nope I was not going down that road, instead I dismissed them all and turned my attention back to Rose and Alice. They were planning out the rest of our evening.

"Do you want to check out the local club scene?"

I looked from Alice to Rose and then back down at my hands on the table. I hated clubs…bars I could handle, but clubs were just not my thing. Clubs almost required dancing and there was always somebody who wanted to bump and grind against my leg like a dog in heat. I could barely handle dancing let alone someone trying to dance with me.

"Not really."

"Oh, why not? It'll be a lot of fun."

"I don't want some crab infested asshole dry humping my leg."

"Just stand in between Rose and I, we'll keep the boys at bay."

"Yea, like I really believe that will happen. You two will disappear leaving me to fend for myself."

"Whatever Bella, why would Alice and I do that?"

"I don't know…that's actually a very good question. Why do you and Alice always do that?"

"We do not always do that."

"Liar."

"Shut up Bella, you're coming with us and we are going to a club."

Stupid demanding pixie from hell, Alice wasn't a world leader so to speak…she was a fucking dictator with a big smile and an irresistible pout. I needed to find new friends, people who left me alone…well maybe I just needed to avoid people in general. I could develop some sort of weird internet relationship with a few people and then never leave my computer. Yea, then Rose will really try to have my committed.

We made our way back into the hotel suite and then stopped dead in our tracks. What the fuck was this? The place was a mess clothes and shoes were thrown all over the still neatly made beds. I looked from Roses shocked expression to Alice's before taking the initiative and dialing for the operator on the hotel phone.

"Did someone break into the place?"

I rolled my eyes; this was going to be too easy. The question is, in a situation like this would my sarcastic remarks be appropriate. I decided what the hell and made them anyways.

"No Rose, I came back before you guys and threw everything everywhere for the sole purpose of the looks on your faces right now."

"You know what Bella, now is not the time."

"I figured that much by myself, thanks."

"Who would do this?"

"Maybe it was your stalker boyfriend James."

"Ewww…please don't refer to that freak as my boyfriend."

"But you agree that he has stalker potential?"

"Hell yea I agree…did you see him at my wedding?"

"Nope, I completely missed it. What happened?"

"Bella, for some one who uses sarcasm like it's going out of style you sure do miss out on the obvious."

"Rose, for someone as smart as you I would think that you would pick up on the sarcasm I just threw into that comment."

"Would you two please stop?"

Rose and I huffed a little as we turned our focus back to the mess in the room. Alice started sorting through the clothes and shoes placing them in neat little piles on the floor by who's they belonged to.

"Oh no, Rose they took them…they took the damn dresses I bought for us!"

It figures that the two worlds worst fashion queens would be upset that they only thing these robbers took were some over priced high fashion dresses. I needed to find these people and thank them properly myself. Hell, I might even give them a pat on the back. It's one less dress that I was going to have to wear.

"We'll just have to wear the dresses that I made. I need to add a few stitches to some of them and maybe a few size adjustments, but I guess they'll do just fine."

Alice just crushed my non dress wearing dreams. Maybe we won't have shoes to match, a girl could hope right? I turned my head as I heard a throat clear at the far end of the room. We had left the door open so that the hotel security could make there way up and file a report for us. I didn't know what there pen and paper were going to do to bring back Alice's dresses but I guess a report never hurt anyone.

"Signore avete avuto bisogno della sicurezza?"

"Huh? Do you speak English?"

"L'OH grande, turista americano più stupido."

"Alright man, look I may not know Italian but I do know what the fuck stupido means. Now do you speak English or not asshole?"

"I may."

"I may come over there and slap you if you don't stop with your funky little attitude. Now, someone broke into our room here and we need to file a report."

The security guard stood in the door way and all four feet ten inches of him screamed mad man. I didn't care, he was going to file the damn report and work on his customer service skills. His black tawny eyes squinted just slightly before he pulled out a sheet of paper and a pen. I excused myself from the room knowing that my job was now done. I didn't need to stick around and listen to Rose and Alice cry about a stupid dress or two.

I walked down the hotel halls admiring the view from the windows; the sky was clear which to me was very abnormal for a city. All of our cities were clouded and clogged with whatever was floating around in the air that day. It was humorous how we were pushing for green peace and solutions for pollution control yet we were probably the worst country out there for green peace.

"Excuse me miss, do you know where I can find room 132B?"

I turned to see a very tall very attractive man with dark hair and bright grey eyes staring at me. He was no Edward, but he was definitely someone's type. I let the room number tumble around in my head for a second while I glanced down the hall only to realize that Rose, Alice and I were staying in room 132B. Who the hell brought you here?

"That's my room. Do you need something?"

"My name is Demetri, I was sent here to deliver a message."

"Ok, well where is it?"

I stuck out my hand expecting him to put a piece of paper in it when he started to laugh at me and took my hand in his. He lifted my hand and started to pull it up to his mouth when I jerked it away from him. I was not in Italy to have strange men trying to kiss on me. That better not be his fucking message.

"Did you say you had a message?"

"Yes, I'm sorry. May I have your name first?"

"Bella."

"You know, here that means beautiful. It's a very fitting name."

"Yea, well where I am from we don't stare at girls tits while complimenting her name. Could you keep your fucking eyes up here and just deliver your message."

I was fuming mad now, this guy was definitely not someone's type…he was a grade A asshole with a funny accent. He didn't even sound like he was Italian. If I had to guess I would say that he was Russian with maybe a hint of Italian thrown in there.

"Bella? Bella, Where are you?"

"Over here Alice."

"Well, could you stop talking to strangers and come over here?"

"Sure thing."

I turned my head up towards Demetri and glared into his deep grey eyes before shoving past him and heading towards my room where Alice and Rose were waiting for me. Sure enough ass hole managed to follow me there. This guy had better have a really good 'message' to deliver or I was going to rip him to pieces. Where the hell were the guys when I needed them to scare away unwanted attention? Oh yea, that's right sitting there asses at home probably doing a whole lot of nothing. I am starting to not like Italy.

"Nope, don't you step another foot towards that door. You can stand out in the damn hall to deliver your message."

I turned towards the guy and crossed my arms while a stunned Rose and Alice looked from me to him. I'm sure that by now they are regretting allowing me to take this trip with them, either for my bad luck or for my behavioral problems that my high school counselor used to get on to me about.

Demetri stuck his head through the door slightly fixing his eyes on the piles of clothes on the floor and then moving to inspect the room further. I was having troubles with his silence and his wandering eyes. They were causing my anger to start to boil over. This guy was becoming a nuisance.

"Are you going to deliver that message? Because, if not you can stop checking out our room and leave."

"Which one of you three designs the clothes?"

Why the fuck does he need to know that? How impossibly random is that question? I let out another long ass drawn out sigh and pointed to Alice. Maybe the message was for her. If so that meant that he would deliver and get the hell out of my hair.

"Hmmm…may I have your name?"

"Alice."

"My bosses would like to know how much you would charge for your designs. Especially the one's that you girl's are wearing now."

"They are not for sale."

"Everyone has a price."

"I don't."

"I see…"

"I don't think you do 'see' if you did 'see' you would not be standing here still trying to talk to me about it."

I was like an overly proud, high society, PTA president mother at that moment. I knew when I saw the gleam in her eye that I was rubbing off on Alice. She was my apprentice and good lord was she growing up quickly. I wiped a fake tear away from my eye and threw my hand over dramatically over my heart as Rose giggled. I looked out of the corner of my eye to see Demetri still standing there taking in my show of affections. Yea, this guy was annoying.

"Alright man, you've delivered your message. Now leave before Rose, Alice and I throw you off our balcony."

He turned his glare dangerously towards me before leaving the door way to our room. I had only been here for the better half of eight hours and I had already created enemies. I hope I didn't run into that psycho again. But, knowing my luck he was going to be around every corner watching me. If life has taught me any valuable lessons it was that there is nothing wrong with a good healthy dose of paranoia.


	5. Qualcuno da seguire

**Disclaimer: I do not own the characters of Twilight. Stephenie Meyer does and she is oh so very awesome for letting me play with them. Thank you.**

**Qualcuno da seguire**

Ok, so we had now been here for four days and I had seen that freak at least once a day. I went as far as waving and smiling at him as we walked out of a store full of wine's and cheese. Rose wanted to take something special from her trip back to Emmett, which brings me to my other topic worthy of discussion. Edward has sent me a total of one hundred and ninety eight random text messages.

I gave in yesterday and went through them all with Alice and Rose as they went through there text messages from Jasper and Emmett. The message started off with just telling us how there day was so on and so forth. But, as the text messages go on they start changing there tone, each of the guys were telling on each other for misbehaving.

Supposedly Emmett had burnt dinner every night that we had been gone and refused to let anyone cook claiming that he needed to perfect his culinary skills for Rose.

Jasper refused to turn his amp down while Edward was playing his piano and the two are currently not talking to each other…instead they are playing as loud as possible to try and beat out the other which is unfortunately driving Emmett crazy.

Edward and Emmett some how broke the television stand by putting to much weight on the stand. Jasper complains that it started with an argument causing Emmett to test the structures weight limit. There was a bet and money involved. He failed to mention who actually won that argument.

Emmett states that this is not his fault, but the washing machine is somehow stuck on the spin cycle…the dryer will not dry his clothes and the toaster is continuously burning his toast.

We didn't answer any of them, instead we laughed our asses off thanking the greater powers of fate that we were not there for all of this, although I probably could tell you some quick solutions to each of there problems.

Edward and Jasper could unplug the stove and insist on ordering pizza. Emmett would be none the wiser. Jasper and Edward could pick different days or times to play there instrument. The washer is probably stuck on spin because Emmett put too many clothes in it and he should probably check to make sure that the dryers vent has been cleaned out properly. On the subject of the toaster…well any idiot can see the knob on the front of it advising of how dark the toast will be. It only makes sense to turn the damn thing down. Men are completely useless without us women around…well ok not all men, but most of them.

And even with all of that bull shit going on at the house, and even though just last night I was happy that I was not there…now I'm changing my tune. Alice was dressing me up in a fucking dress so that we can go to something stupid that tourist go to. I wasn't exactly paying attention, so don't ask me where we were going. I was more or less paying attention to how upset I was due to the fact that I was being forced into a dress again.

I don't know why I packed my own clothes, it actually seems kind of pointless being that I have only wore something I have packed when I went to sleep and even then I had to put up a fight. Who really cares about looking beautiful in high fashion pajamas? Alice, that's who…she really should run her own fashion consultant company or something. I would recommend it but I am sure she would torture me more. I can not fight the inevitable, but I sure as hell can post pone it as long as possible.

"Bella, get your ass out here right now. We don't have all damn day!"

"Rose, I will be out there as quick as I fucking can in these damn heels. Don't yell at me or I will take this silly dress off and not go."

"Damnit, you are going to make us late!"

"I thought it was you and Alice who agreed that it is better to be fashionably late?"

"We are getting past the fashionably late part already Bella."

"Well excuse me, if you would have told me the actual time this thing started and not the 'fashionably late time' it started then we wouldn't be having this problem."

I began stomping around the room grabbing the last of my stuff while Alice and Rose stood right outside of the door possibly contemplating my murder. I don't care really, they could kill me if they wanted to right now, and hell I might just commit involuntary suicide. I can see the news paper heading now…

**Girl falls to death off stair well caused by ridiculously high heel.**

I should probably pre-write my obituary, that way I can make sure there is a crap load of nonsense and love written all over the place. Everyone who knows me, knows that isn't me and although I trust the people who are close enough to me, I don't quite trust them with the handling of my obituary. It would probably read off something like, fuck you, fuck you, you're cool, and fuck you. I had a longer list of people I didn't particularly care for than I did of the one's I did care for. Hell, I could fit everyone that I did care for on my ankle if that says anything.

As we each stepped out of the hotel and on to the side walk I noticed immediately that there were people, who were not exactly dressed like tourist but more or less dressed in business suits taking pictures of us while looking aimlessly at other random objects. How fucking strange is that shit? Now, I know that I reference a lot of movies…I watch a lot of movies so other than movies and books and music of course, I do not know what else to reference…please bare with me. It was like a fucking movie! Yes, I said it again…a fucking god damn mysterious psycho movie. I nudged Alice and Rose with my free elbows and pointed towards the offending cameras.

"Why in the fuck are they taking pictures of us?"

"I had a feeling that this would happen."

I turned to Alice as she shrugged her shoulders. How long had she known this would happen? And what the hell was 'this' exactly? I stepped into the taxi cab sitting in between Rose and Alice as Rose barked orders to the cab driver. This one actually spoke English…it was a refreshing break from pointing out areas on pamphlets and writing down addresses on sticky notes.

"Bella, we have a mission should you choose to accept."

"Alice, why the hell are you talking like a cheap stereo type of mission impossible?"

"Bella, just answer the question."

"Well it kind of depends on the mission."

"I can not tell you hear…it'll have to wait until we are somewhere without ears."

"Alice, I plan on leaving my ears right where they are at, thank you."

"You idiot, I know that…I mean where no one can hear us. Do you accept the mission or not?"

"What kind of mission is this?"

"I can not tell you right now."

"Then how I am supposed to accept? This is like the blind leading the blind."

"No it's not. I would actually say it's more like the quiet leading the deaf."

"Alice that is a horrible metaphor."

"I thought it was pretty honest to the situation."

"Can I choose to accept or decline after I hear the details of the mission?"

"Nope, you are deaf…I'd kind of like for you just accept."

"Well, I don't know if I trust your mission."

"You won't like it…I can tell you that much, but do you really think that you actually have a choice in the matter?"

"If I am not going to like it then I won't accept the mission and yes Alice, I always have a choice."

"Not when dealing with me you don't. Plus, I may get hurt or caught if you don't help. So you have no choice. Just accept the mission and play along."

"Why would you get hurt?"

"Jesus! How many times must I tell you that I can not tell you? Just accept."

"Does Rose know what's going on?"

"No."

"Will Rose be participating?"

"Yes."

"Fine, I guess I am in. This better not get me killed or in jail pixie."

"I make no promises."

I rolled my eyes as Rose stifled her giggles, I am so fucking glad that she is all for the mission impossible that Alice refuses to let us in on. She just did whatever the pixie wanted, no questions asked or anything. How could someone, even if they did want to participate, not care what the mission was?

We arrived at this gala type ballroom not ten minutes later, people were buzzing about in there nice dresses and heels like the kings and queens of Italy. I knew now why Alice had insisted on us dressing up really nice, we at least didn't look like French over priced whores this time. I crossed the room and made it to our table without tripping on my dress or bumping into anybody. That was always a nice little treat…and I made a mental notation that Alice had noticed as well. Sure enough this shit would be on that 'Bella accident' calendar. She marked the good days or at least the less disastrous days with a smiley face. With her energy she could also be a kindergarten teacher.

I laughed to myself as I imagined Alice consulting the kindergarten kids on high fashion with smiley face calendars depending upon how well the kids dressed themselves. There were the other people seated at our table as I looked around at all over there faces I noticed that they shared a very similar look. Each had deep hazel eyes where the inside irises were brown and the outer rim a bright green, there grey hair was even a similar shade.

"Hello ladies, I'm glad you could make it. "

They were expecting us? Maybe I should have been paying attention to what Alice and Rose were talking about earlier. I turned to Alice and noticed that she didn't look amused or happy to see the older men; no she actually looked a little pissed off. Rose seemed uninterested as Alice turned her body to one of the men and smiled a big fake smile.

"Nice to finally meet you, I am Alice and this is Rose and Bella."

"Nice to meet you too Alice, I am Aro. This is Casius and Marcus my brothers."

"Can you tell me why your people were taking pictures of my sisters and me earlier?"

Alice had never referred to Rose and I as her sisters but I didn't really mind it too much. She was just as much family to me as Rose was. My attention was peaked and my interest was growing. So she knew who was taking the pictures? She could have informed me of that earlier.

"I don't know what you are talking about my dear."

"Look, don't play dumb with me old man. I know you are after my designs."

Oh, so that's what this was about. I felt a little self conscious…silly I know, but I did. I am far from a runway model and to know that they were taking pictures of me for the dress, well it kind of heightened my awareness of the case at hand. On another note, now I also understood why Alice was so unfriendly towards the three old men. They were after her design's and well, if they were stealing pictures…then that means they might try to steal her designs if she wont sale them. I wonder if this has anything to do with our secret mission…should I choose to accept that is.

"Miss Alice, I do not know what impression my nephew Demetri has given you about us, but we are not your common thieves."

"Your right, there is nothing common about what you are up to."

Alice turned her body back towards me and I wondered how she could be so fucking polite with this, I was calm about it earlier, but I could see the devious look in Aro's eyes now. It was anything but fucking friendly and I would be damned if I sat back and let him steal anything from Alice.

"Alice, we should leave."

"Bella, we will not leave."

She had a very defiant look in her eyes and I almost wish that I had Edward here with me; he could at least try to reason with her crazy ass. Rose again seemed in different and wasn't acting like she was really paying attention to what was going on at the table. I knew that she was... secretly of course though…but like I said she normally didn't speak up unless she had to. I'm sure she would have a mouth full of opinions as soon as we left this place…Rose was protective, probably more protective than I was. Silent yet fucking vicious as hell.

We sat through the food that was served, watched the shows and even I got up to dance with Alice and Rose, successfully might I add. After a few more bottles of wine we decided to call it a night and head back to our hotel room.

"Bella, we are stopping to get some coffee at the hotel lobby. Do you take cream and sugar?"

"Yes, but why in the hell are we stopping for coffee?"

"Um, duh…we have a mission tonight and this is our last night here, so we need to be awake."

"Wait, that dumb ass mission is tonight?"

"Don't call it dumb Bella…and yes it is tonight. So get up to the room and get into the shower."

"Well, at least I get to fucking shower."

Alice rolled her eyes and turned to catch up with Rose who was already a few steps ahead of her laughing as she paraded through the corridor. Rose was definitely feeling a little tipsy, if not a lot.

I walked slowly up the steps and over to our room, before throwing the door open turning on the lights and stripping from my confines. As soon as I stepped into the hot shower I let the steam invade my senses and the heat take over me. This was far from a vacation, it was more of a form of punishment, a reminder of why I don't volunteer myself to spend more time with my best friend and my sister than I have to.

Stranded in the ocean with Rose was more fun than her make shift honey moon excursion. I stepped out of the shower and into one of the fluffy black bath robes that the hotel had provided us, this was something I was definitely stealing to take home with me, I loved this robe like a fat kid loves cake. And not just any cake, no this was like the best more delicious chocolate fudge cake in the world, no wait not the world, the fucking universe.

"You know what; it's about time you got your ass out of there. My turn!"

Rose jumped up off the bed and dashed past me to the shower, one of the many things that I admired about Rose was when she was drinking she was full of life and hyper…I almost wished she was an alcoholic, that would be so fucking awesome.

"Here, take this coffee and put this on. "

"Alice, why are we wearing all black?"

"Well, it's slimming, and it blends in with the dark scenery."

"So, why do I need to blend in?"

"Has anyone ever told you that you ask way too many questions?"

"Has anyone ever told you that you avoid way too many questions?"

"Don't answer my questions with a question."

"You did it first."

"Bella, just put the damn clothes on and don't spill your coffee on yourself, we don't have time for any emergency room visits."

I chuckled a little bit but the gut feeling inside of me told me to be afraid, be very afraid of what Alice had planned next. Rose was going to be no help tonight, she was either in on it already which is the more likely of the two or she was too drunk to care. Someone was going to have to be the responsible clear headed one; normally I was the last that they picked for that chore. I was smart…I had books and streets covered by now, but I was far from clear headed…my sarcasm and my temper said it all.


	6. Gradico la vita notte

**Disclaimer: I do not own the characters of Twilight. Stephenie Meyer does and she is oh so very awesome for letting me play with them. Thank you.**

**Gradico la vita di notte.**

Fuck yea! That's all I could think…over and over and over again. I was so damn excited and giddy from the damn coffee Alice crammed down my throat that when she finally told me her grand plan…better known as 'mission impossible'…I was jumping for fucking joy.

Alice had redeemed herself as best friend, this last night in Italy completely makes up for the days and nights of dresses and crappy tourist parties. Now, it could be the mixture of alcohol and coffee, but seriously…who gives a flying fuck? I sure don't, and we all know that alcohol has a voice of its own, especially with me. But, I am not passed out mumbling in my sleep. No, I am wide fucking awake practically skipping down the street alleys with Alice and Rose.

"Bella, slow the fuck down…you better not get us caught."

"Rose chill out, shit, I wont. I promise not to be all fucking loud and shit. This is just too cool."

"Yea well, I don't get to enjoy the fun part."

"Whatever Rose, you get to keep look out…that's like stealthy and creepy and shit. Plus you get to bug us on the walkie talkie."

"It's still not as fun. And why don't I get to dress in all black…no I have to look like a damn hooker."

"Rose, you are supposed to look like a damn hooker in case anyone see's you standing on the corner of an alley way."

"And what makes you think I won't get arrested? Or what if I get attacked and raped by some creep?"

"Rose, stop being a kill joy. You have walkie talkie…shit hit on some of the men and if they try anything just say the word…I'll be all over them like a diseased spider monkey."

"Did you really just quote another movie?"

"Maybe, question is do you really know what movie I may have quoted?"

"Only because Emmett watches it all the time."

"Uh huh…yea, blame Emmett. You know you're in it for the hot ass car's."

"Shut up Bella, we are getting close…time to take positions."

"This is so not over Rose."

With that Rose fell back a few steps so that she didn't appear to be walking with anyone. Her bright red dress stood out in the dark of the night which was a completely different look than what Alice and I were wearing. We were stealthed out in black boots, black pants, black turtle neck sweaters, black beanie hats, and black knit gloves. Yes, it was all black and it was hot as hell.

I even admitted to Alice how happy she fucking made me with this whole thing. I didn't throw one fit when I saw that the clothes were still designer, leave it to Alice to make stealth mode high fashion. But oh well, seriously I felt like I was made for this mission impossible shit.

Do you ever get that impossible high, that cloud that you are floating on where you can only focus on one fucking thing? Yea, I felt like that right now. I found my calling…I was meant to be a juvenile delinquent breaking into places and going into 'stealth mode.' I was going to need to make sure that Edward tried this shit with me. I just needed someplace for us to break into when we get back home. He was so good at sneaky up on me, that I am sure he would enjoy the fuck out of this, just like I was.

"Oh shit, Bella…how in the hell are we going to climb up there?"

There was no light in the alley so I could barely make out the shape of Alice's tiny finger pointing up to a third story window. I glanced around determined not to let this stop me. I was going to follow through with this plan…it was perfect.

Alice had a friend in the fashion industry who just so happened to be visiting the Volturi Fashion Inc the same time we were in town. She got a phone call early in the week from this same friend telling her what the CEO's where up to. They had every intention of taking pictures of Alice's designs and recreating them just so they could slap a huge price tag on them and call them there's. We were not having that.

Before we left the room that same friend, whom Alice said was going to remain anonymous, called to let Alice now where the pictures were at. Casius had called a late night meeting with her friend to see if she could recreate the designs. Of course she faked ignorance and told him she couldn't, but still they are trying to steal her shit. That's not cool.

So here we are in a dark alley about to break into the side of the building. The third story window was unlocked; at least we were told it would be. I hope to god this isn't a set up, but then again…I was on to much of a coffee alcohol induced high to give a shit.

I finally spotted a small metal ladder and pointed Alice into the right direction. If I went first and climbed, or well stretched, into the window I could help Alice through and we would be home safe to search for the pictures.

I used my movie skills again as I took to fingers in a 'v' shape and pointed from my eyes to her eyes and the used one finger to motion between myself and the ladder. Sure enough, she smiled and nodded her head. And people say that movies don't teach you anything. This moment could be a damn good argument for that. Although, I'm sure I don't want to be explaining to anyone of any kind of authority why I was using my new skills.

I decided that since I was playing a part I might as well play it right. I pushed my back up against the brick wall of the building and slid down the wall watching my surroundings intently. Alice had a chestier grin on her face as she mimicked my position on the wall and silently crept beside me. We were on a mission, and I was going to be damned if I failed.

Once I made it to the stare well I had to look back at Alice and throw one finger over my mouth as she tried made her best attempt to stifle a giggle. Rose started humming the mission impossible theme song over the walkie talkie making it that much harder for Alice not to laugh. None of us were taking this as seriously as we should be, and none of us really cared.

I had shoved that bad luck monster in a dark closet a few hours ago; now it was confident mission impossible Bella to the rescue! I turned my body and placed my hands over the ladder curling my fingers around the firm metal bar. This shit was so fucking hot and fun, I was going to internally combust at any moment from the sheer excitement floating around me.

I moved slowly and precisely checking to make sure that each foot was in the right place before lifting myself up to the next step. Alice was so close beneath me that I could practically feel her head grazing my ass. I hope she didn't think that I needed to move any faster, we did want to complete this mission not fall on our asses making complete fucking fools of ourselves.

I glared down at Alice so that she would take the hint that moving me up this ladder any faster was not only bad for my health, but it would also have a bad out come for her own. She took the hint and slowed her pace below me.

I finally reached the damn window and paused in my climbing. I pulled one arm slowly off the metal rod while hooking my other arm firmly around the bar for support. I leaned in slowly towards the window and grazed the ledge with my fingers before slowly trying to slide the window open.

It was of course unlocked, but made a rather loud and extremely annoying squeal as it was raised. Did these people not believe in some fucking WD40? What kind of high fashion ritzy ass company has rusty old windows? I bet this place was built in the 1920's and had never seen oil on the hinges.

"Well that was fucking smooth."

"Bella, just climb in already before we are spotted."

I smiled at the giggle in her voice as I pulled my other arm loose and swung a leg out towards the window. Once I had half of my body hanging in I began repeating my mantra of how I would not fall and to not look down. I had to beat back the bad luck monster that was trying desperately to dance around my thoughts. I can do this; well at least I think I can do this. Mind over fucking matter Bella.

I swung the rest of my body through the window and landed on the floor with a soft thud and a giggle from Alice. Hey, at least I did not fall from a third story window to land with a hard thud on the cement alley. I could handle the soft thud of a floor any day over that shit.

I stood up and stretched out my arms and back while taking a look at my surrounding's. The coast was clear. I moved back toward the window and leaned the upper half of my body out the window and reached for Alice who was already trying to make her way into the window. She was too short to reach by herself, so of course it was going to take the two of us.

I grab a hold of her arms and pulled her through the window as she used the strength in her legs to steady herself against the brick of the outside wall. Thank you Dr. Martin for the awesome tread in your boots. I gave one hard tug that sent Alice and I both crashing to the floor with a thud and a string of giggles.

"You two looks like paranoid idiots climbing that wall."

Rose was laughing over the walkie talkie making me wonder who else could have seen our little stunt. I guess it doesn't matter well, if I am going to go to jail I better at least make it worth it. Not to say that I am going to jail, they'd have to catch me first.

"Alice, did you ask if there are camera's in this place?"

"Yes, I did and there are just not in the offices or anything. They are only supposed to be located in places like the break room and meeting rooms."

"So, where are these pictures? Let's get in and get out."

"Not so fast hot shit. I am in a high fashion CEO executive office. I am so having a look around."

I shrugged my shoulders but gave in pretty easily. No use in ending the fun now, I might as well take full advantage of my very first break in. So we pulled open file drawers and ran through drawers. There was nothing of any kind of interest to me in this room. I did find the pictures though, exactly where Alice's friend said they would be. I tucked them safely into my pants; no one was going to be going there. Well, at least no one in this country.

"Alright you two, enough is enough, I'm tired of looking like a hooker and I swear if one more John tried to approach me I will kick someone's ass. We've got three hours to shag ass to the airport anyways."

I listened closely to the walkie talkie muttering to myself that there was no way that it was already one in the morning. We had to catch our flight at four a.m., but sure enough as Alice closed the file that she was looking at and scribbled something short on a sticky note I glanced at the clock and for fucks sake it was one o'clock in the morning.

"What are you writing down?"

"Oh, just a little note."

"And what does this little note say?"

"Finders Keepers. Oh and, I know now why they want my designs so bad."

"And why is that?"

"Did you look at any of those files?"

"Not really."

"Well, the designs are crap. No one will buy that shit."

I rolled my eyes as we proceeded to laugh and climb back out of the window and down the ladder. It was a much easier climb down than it was up. Thank god for that, I really wanted to end the night on a high note, not busting my ass on the ground. No, that would be a really low note.

Once we were down and made our way down to the room we grab our bags, hailed a cab, and hauled ass back to the airport. Once we were on the plane I settled into my seat, stuck the ear buds to my new IPod in my ears and fell asleep only to wake up hours later when the tires squealed to a stop on the stretch of pavement.

Finally we were home. I tapped Rose on her arm slightly being that the obnoxious stop didn't wake her. It was early morning as we got off the plane and grabbed our many suit cases. My truck was parked at the airport and no one had better have even left a scratch on the damn thing. I would have a bitch fit right here in the parking lot if there was.

As my luck would have it, there were a few door dings and a ticket on my truck. I let out a few audible curse words while loading the suit cases into my truck and with a heavy sigh I climbed into the driver seat to head home. Alice and I had not yet changed out of our stealthy outfits and I'm sure I looked like total shit right now after sleeping only a few hours on a plane. But fuck it, I wanted to see my man and I wanted to be at home in bed.

You could hear the loud ass music coming from the house as soon as we pulled into the drive way. It wasn't Edward playing…Jasper was playing…but the other annoying noise sounded more like the surround sound. So, they have resorted to intentionally annoying the shit out of each other. I rolled my eyes and stepped back out of the truck deciding not to go inside and announce our presence just yet.

"Skinny jeans are not a fashion statement."

"Rose, they are in style whether you want to admit it or not."

"Alice, I get that they are in style, and they look good on women, but not men."

"They are in style for both genders Rose."

"Alice, how can you say that…men look gay wearing them. Literally."

I rolled my eyes and gave up on the conversation in general. I'd rather face what's going on inside the house than listen to these to argue about skinny jeans. They were both wrong in my opinion; women and men should not be wearing anything that makes it appear as though they have chicken legs. It is very unflattering for both fucking genders.

I walked up the steps and opened the front door to see Edward standing at the stairs with a big fucking grin on his face. He was not wearing a shirt and his low rise jeans showed the very top of his boxers making the 'v' of his lower abdomen look that much more delicious. Ah, it is good to be home.

"What's up Mrs. Cullen?"

I turned my eyes from the sex god in front of me to see Emmett standing in the kitchen hovering over a box of pizza. He looked tired as hell and he was still in his pajamas.

"Emmett, please don't say another word."

"Heh, yea…it's not me you have to worry about. Jasper is pretty upset with your little secret."

"Well, it's not really a secret anymore is it?"

"Oh, so you told everyone else."

"No. I do not see why it would be important."

"Huh, you are strange. Anyways, where is my Rosie and Alice."

"Outside arguing about skinny jeans. You should join them."

"Hell no, I know better than that. I'd end up being Alice's next male modeling project and those things are uncomfortable as shit."

I smiled and shook my head as Emmett picked up the pizza box and went out the front door. He wanted to make his presence known to Rose but he sure as hell didn't leave the front porch to interrupt there arguing. I couldn't really blame the guy.

Edward didn't say anything as he approached me and wrapped me up in his arms. He began trailing hot kisses down my face stopping at my turtle neck shirt.

"Isn't it a little hot for a turtle neck?"

"Long story."

"Oh well, lets get you upstairs and out of those hot clothes. I've missed you."

Yup, that sounded like the best thing I had heard in a while. Whatever drama was going on here could wait until after I had some of the best nights sleep in years.


	7. Death by Division

**Disclaimer: I do not own the characters of Twilight. Stephenie Meyer does and she is oh so very awesome for letting me play with them. Thank you.**

**Death by Division**

"Bella, whose side are you on anyways?"

"My side."

"That is not a side unless you are involved in this argument."

"Well, Jasper, you are dragging me into the middle of it, and since I am team Switzerland, or well team Bella…I still pick my side. And another thing smart ass, this is not an argument as you two are not even talking to each other. It's more like a silent avoidance."

"Whatever Bella, this is a silent argument."

"You are starting to sound like a contradiction. "

"How am I contradicting?"

"I have two words for you. Silent and Argument. You are a smart man, figure it out."

I picked up an apple out of the large wooden bowl on the kitchen counter and left to find Rose and Alice. These boys were going to kill me. It had only been one night, not even a full fucking day that we had been home and already the boys were trying to convince us to pick sides. Rose stated that she was on Emmett's side. Emmett went the kiss ass route and told everyone that he was on Rose side which put the two of them out of the war zone.

Alice and me though, well…we were in a different kind of predicament, these were our significant others as well as our brothers. So we sat up this morning and discussed our own war tactics. We were team Switzerland which was neither here nor there, we knew we wouldn't be much without each other considering the whole house was divided, and it worked because this left Edward and Jasper by themselves in the war they created.

It was a damn shame that the house had become there war grounds. We needed to think of a way to get them at least on the same side. This was going to take a fucking miracle, Edward wouldn't even talk to me about it and Jasper just mumbled around about how much of an ass he could be.

The house was practically taped off as each person agreed to stay away from the other. Of course they had there rooms, but they went as far as assigning each other bathrooms that they could or could not use. They ate dinner at different times and when one was downstairs the other was upstairs. The chores around the house were getting little to no attention as the rest of didn't even want to be in the house for this childish display.

I was half tempted to call on our parents and inform of how childish there sons were acting. I'm sure Esme and Dr. Carlisle would expect this from Emmett but not Edward…and I know for a fact that Charlie and Kim would not be too happy with Jasper, he was always looked at as the more responsible one in the group…and that thought pushed me to want to call and tell them exactly how there precious Jasper was acting.

But I couldn't. They knew my secret, well everyone but Rose and Alice knew by now…and that was one phone call I was not about to make. So I didn't, I would, but not right this minute. I had other fish to fry and bigger more aggravating conversations to have. Rose was going too pissed and for the life of me I could not predict what Alice's reaction was going to be. Hell, they might not even believe me… I wouldn't believe me either.

"Hey Alice, where is Rose? I need to talk to you two."

"I believe she is in the backyard with Emmett. Why what's up?"

"Oh, nothing…just come with me so that I can get Rose."

"Whatever it is it sounds interesting."

"Yea, interesting."

I walked past Alice and through the French doors out into the back yard. Alice was following quickly behind me as we approached Rose. She was sitting by one of the trees watching Emmett work on the out door shed. She had been putting him to work slowly as punishment for his behavior at the wedding. I am almost willing to bet money that she would be putting his muscles to work whether he misbehaved or not.

"Hey Rose, we need to talk."

"Oh no, what did those two idiots do this time?"

Alice and I both laughed at the stunned look on Roses face, she almost appeared worried yet her expression was mixed with a little bit of anger as well.

"This time it actually has nothing to do with them. Or well, not Jasper at least. I guess Edward might have something small to do with it."

"Alright well, spit it out."

I sat down next to Rose and patted on the ground for Alice to join us. I didn't want anyone standing in case they attempted to kick me; again this was only for insurance and legal purposes. Edward had skipped the mushy crap and went straight to attacking my analytical side.

"Ok so here is the deal. I need you both to promise not to resort to violence, as well as I need you both to promise to be nice."

"What did you do that you have to ask that first?"

I looked over to Alice who had that same old all knowing creepy look in her eyes and then back to Rose who didn't exactly look clueless but she was definitely curious as to what I was about to spit out. I had to do it, now that Charlie and Kim knew I had to put it out in the open.

"Just promise me. Shit, do you always have to make shit difficult?"

"You're the one making shit difficult Bella but I promise."

Rose rolled her eyes as Alice nodded her promise to me. I took in a deep breath and began thinking of the best way to word this. How in the hell was it so easy for Edward to just spit it out? Oh yea, it was his damn idea.

"I got married two day before you wedding."

"YOU WHAT?!?!?"

"Rose, you promised to be nice."

"I think we just need the details Bella."

I looked over to Alice for some sort of reassurance, I didn't like having to explain myself or my actions, but I knew that this would not be dropped unless I did. I also felt that Rose and Alice deserved an explanation…they would give me one for anything that they do and I would just be a fucking hypocrite.

Actually I already feel like a hypocrite. I am married yet I do not believe in marriage. So where does that leave me? In the bottom of Hypocrite Lake, its Edwards fault…not mine.

"Ok so, you both know how I do not believe in marriage because people use the word love to loosely and well I mean shit… look at the fucking divorce rates. Marriage means nothing to people these days."

They both nodded there head obviously and probably painfully aware of my beliefs as I have no problem with telling anyone about them. Rose calls it my ranting and raving…Alice likes to refer to me as an enlightened self aware individual. I remember the first time she told me that, I knew she was smart, but I never really took her as a person to understand my beliefs and to think of them the way she did. The pixie was truly a one of a kind. Anyways, back on topic.

"So instead of proposing to me and all that jazz, I mean shit he already had his name tattooed the ring finger…and well it does look like a pretty cool ring…"

"Bella, you are starting to mumble, get on with it."

Why in fuck does Rose got to rush me? Isn't this hard enough? Maybe she doesn't get it because she believes in marriage. Me, I never wanted to be just another statistic.

"Anyways, as I was fucking saying…he pretty much already had me. But, I guess he really wanted me to have his name or some shit. I don't know why, that's a question to ask him. So he didn't propose, instead he made charts and diagrams labeling what would happen if one of us passed away and he also covered things like, what if I got pregnant by accident, or what if there was some kind of fucking emergency…so yea… he drew up this big fucking speech and convinced me that it only made sense to tie ourselves together legally. I know, I was tricked and he won…but really it all did make a crap load of sense. So that's it. I'm married to Edward."

"I'll give him props. He is a lot smarter than I thought he was."

"Rose, there are no prop giving's allowed."

"I can give props to who ever I want whenever I want. You're just mad that he won."

"Maybe, but that is beside the point. He needs no encouragement. He drives me crazy without anyone's help."

Rose rolled her eyes as I sat there picking nervously at the grass. Alice didn't really say much as all eyes sorted of drifted off. I guess I already knew what they were thinking, but then again…I am typical surprised by there responses. So far they were taking this better than I was and I was the one who ran off and got married.

"What do you think Alice?"

"Does it matter?"

"I'd like to know."

"Is this the big secret that all of the guys knew about before us?"

"Yes."

I made my best sad face as Rose shot me an evil glare. Yup, this was the anger that I was prepared for. I know that they should have known first according to there own sick and twisted logic of sister hood I am to tell them any and everything literally as soon as it happens.

"What do you mean 'all of the guys knew' before we did?"

"Well Rose, see Edward kind of told all of the guys before I got a chance to tell you and Alice."

"When did he do this?"

"At the wedding."

"And why couldn't you tell us then?"

"Because I didn't want to ruin your wedding."

"And why couldn't you say anything on our trip?"

"Because it was your honey moon."

"That's not a good excuse."

"See, instead of pointing your anger at me, I would like to redirect it towards Emmett…he knew and didn't tell you. Plus, I so graciously didn't say anything because it was your wedding. Edward didn't think about that and then he and Emmett went and ruined it anyways completely ruining my efforts."

"Stop trying to place the blame Bella."

I wasn't really trying to place the blame on anyone else. Well, ok it was Edward's fault…and Edward and Emmett did ruin the big day for princess Rose over here…I knew I was wrong when I hoped into Edward's car with him and we drove all night to Vegas. I know it, he knows it…he wont admit it. But he knows it, and well I think that right now I am simply trying to get all of the attention especially the angry attention off my back.

"On to a different topic, oh and Bella… just because I am changing the topic does not mean that you do not owe me and Rose big time for this keeping this secret."

Thank you Alice, on to a different subject, anything will be welcomed! I know that I will fucking regret this later, but I do not care what the 'other' topic is about. Really I don't… I just don't want to feel the heat from Roses glares on the side of my damn head anymore. I swear I am about to form a blister from it. I nodded my head still looking at the ground in shame and still nervously picking at the damn grass. Who needs a lawn mower when you have a Bella doing confessionals?

"I am tired of this house being a mess and I am tired of those two idiots fighting over the noise levels while we were gone. They are both acting like jerks."

"I agree."

"We need to put a plan into action."

"I agree."

"We are going to ignore them until they apologize and start to act right."

"What?"

"I am out of here. I am not participating in this mess."

I was still stuck on my answer of 'what?' while Rose got up and left. She had remained silent through all of that and of course she was not going to be putting in any input. They were both now her brothers and she had made it known that her only alliance in this was Emmett. Alice and I were to fend for ourselves.

"Come on Bella, it won't be that hard. We just sleep together so that they can't sneak in at night…and we don't talk to them…actually we need to act as if they do not exists until they act right."

"Do you have any possible of idea of how hard that is going to be?"

"Yes, but it's for a greater good. Come on…it's starting to stink in there."

"So why don't we give in and clean the house?"

"Because we are not supposed to give in to them being jerks."

"Alice, does that make us the jerks and doesn't that also make us hypocrites? I've felt like a hypocrite since this marriage thing and I really don't want to add to it. Also, not talking to the guys until they talk to each other would make us hypocrites."

"Bella, you are making this way to damn complicated. Just follow my lead and don't give in…it could be fun."

"Right…fun."

I rolled my eyes and leaned father back into the grass. This was going to be far from fun. I was going to need to vacate the house in order to avoid Edward. Alice might as well call this shit Mission Impossible. It felt more mission impossible than the actual mission we had earlier in the week.

I had told Edward about our vacation after we had enjoyed some extra curricular activities that evening. He laughed up until I told him about Demetri, and he laughed again when I told him about our mission. Just as I thought he agreed that it would be exciting, I needed to arrange a place and time for us to break in…somewhere…I just couldn't think of where.

"Alice, there is no way this going to work."

"Yes it will Bella. Look we'll go tell them right now what we are doing. I'll stay in your room, and I'll tell Edward that I am sleeping naked...that should keep him from sneaking in the room."

"Alice, this is not going to work."

"Shut up Bella and follow my lead. Stop being difficult."

I was not being fucking difficult. She was making shit complicated. Why can't we just make them sit in a room together until they work this shit out? Why did I have to suffer with the rest of them? Fuck that…I was not following Alice's plan this time. It was time for me to put my big girl panties on and fix this shit.

"Alice, look lets try something else. I am not fucking kicking Edward out of my room. It's so fucking childish."

"Then what do you have in mind great and wise Bella."

"I am great and fucking wise. Look, we're going to sit them down in a room together and make them talk."

"Do you really think that they'll talk?"

"Yes, we will tell them your plan, kind of like do this or we will be forced to do that."

"We can try it, but I still think my way is less dramatic and more fun."

"Only you would."

I stood up brushing my pants off and straightening out my shirt. Once I was satisfied with my adjustments I went ahead and started the walk back into the house. First things first, this shit needed to be cleaned up. I was not living like a fucking pig with these assholes.

"Alice, assign chores to Jasper and I'll get Edward to start cleaning. Threaten him with whatever you have to…let's just get this pig sty cleaned up."

"Fine."

I rolled my eyes and moved upstairs to grab Edward, we were starting in the kitchen and he was going to be doing the majority of the work. When I walked into our room he was sitting on the bed reading an old book of mine.

"Hey."

"These books are so masochistic."

"Nice to see you too."

I crawled up on the bed making my attempt at looking sexy; I probably looked more like a retard, but whatever it got his attention. I grabbed the book and leaned back on my ankles watching the smirk appear on his face. This might be my last chance for awhile but I couldn't guarantee that he was going to behave so what the hell…why not?

I smiled at him as I pulled my shirt over my head and threw it to the floor. His smile grew wider as he closed the space between us and wrapped his arms around my waste. I could feel the heat coursing through my body as he kissed a trail from my forehead down to my breast were he was already undoing my bra. No words ever had to be spoken between us; it was just a look of sheer passion glowing in our eyes.

I moved my hands over the buttons of his shirt and began teasingly undoing them one by one. He growled low against my nipple, the vibration sent a thrill through my body and I let out a gasp of pleasure as picked up my pace on his shirt buttons. There were way too many clothes between us.

Another gasp escaped my lips when he moved to my other breast; his thumb was circling my nipple while his mouth assaulted the other. I could have came right then and there, but he wasn't allowing that. He pulled back enough to trail kisses down my stomach and his hands continued to massage, I had finally gotten the shirt off of him and was now working on his pants button. We had both been sitting up on our ankles facing each other but when I got the button loose on his pants he pushed me back against the bed while wiggling out of his clothes. Once he was freed from his constraints I could feel the full length of him slowly running down my body as he freed me from the last bits of my clothing.

His kisses followed his hands as I gripped his hair tightly silently begging for more of him. I needed all of him and I needed it right now. I was in a sort of ecstasy when his kisses met my folds; he stroked lightly before entering me with two fingers and gently caressed my most sensitive spot. I couldn't control my heavy breathing or my gasp from pleasure at this moment. I just hopped that no one else in the house could hear me. This man was a god in the bedroom.

I loosened my fingers from his hair afraid that I might hurt him and gripped the sheets as my body began to tremble from my release. He continued sucking and licking until I was ready for more and then he trailed more kisses up my body before crashing his lips to my own.

I returned them eagerly as my hands moved around his neck and into his hair again, he did as he always did and looked me deep into my eyes before entering me. I could never get used to how large he was, so he took it easy before thrusting inside me fully. At that moment we were whole and whispering silent pleas for more.

"Harder."

It was barely a mumbled whisper but he understood and drove into me deeper and harder than before. My whimpers from pleasure were no longer silent as his breathing picked up to match his pace. We never lost eye connection and I think that drove me farther into passion than any other part of what we did. The fact that he wanted to look into my eyes the entire time was beautiful and poetic.

One last scream of pleasure escaped my lips as we both climaxed together. Edward collapsed on top of me in a sweaty heaping mess before kissing my neck and mumbling my new legal name. He was enjoying that part more than he should be. I chuckled to myself and rested my head against the pillow while wrapping my arms around his neck.

"Guess there would be no point in taking a shower right now."

"And why is that?"

"Because, we have some cleaning to do."

"I'm not doing Jaspers house work."

"Nope, you're helping me with mine. Since you two haven't cleaned it has become all mine and Alice's house work. I refuse to live in a pig sty, so we are getting up and cleaning this house."

"But I want to stay right here. Round two?"

"No Edward, there will be no more rounds until this house is spotless."

"Are you serious?"

"Very."

Edward grumbled a little bit before kissing me on my cheek and getting up to put some old clothes on. So is that all I have to do to get my way around here? Sounds like a good plan to me…shit I get the best sex I have ever had, and he gets off his ass and does what I say. This marriage might work after all.

I stood up and got dressed which was more difficult than it should have been but my legs were still very loose and shaky from my orgasm. Yes, this marriage was definitely going to work out.

I smiled at Edward as he opened the bedroom door and waved his hand to usher me out of the room. Jasper and Alice already appeared to be busy cleaning up the bathrooms. I dared a glance at Jasper as he worked and sure enough there was a deep enough scowl on his face to create some permanent wrinkles. I guess Alice's way of convincing him was not as nice as my way with Edward.

We made our way down stairs and I put him to work in the kitchen while I got to work in the living room. I won't lie and say that we finished the house cleaning in record time. No, there was a lot of bitching and groaning involved. Even Rose and Emmett came in and got to work on vacuuming and such…but it still took us all about three hours before the house was back to its clean state.

I had Edward plug back in the stove, Rose showed Emmett how to work the washer and dryer and I demonstrated how to properly use the toaster as Emmett eagerly paid attention. Yes, even put his new skills work under the safe monitoring of Rose.

Now I had the house clean and there was just two more things to fix. I grabbed a dry erase board and six different colored markers. Now was the time for real organization. I used to have to make these charts for Renee so that she had somewhat an idea of what was going on.

After I had made the thirty day calendar I went through and wrote everyone's name's at the top of the board with there specific color. Now was the hard part. I had to get Alice so that we can force Edward and Jasper in a room together and make them talk.

"Alice, are you ready?"

"Yup, let's round em' up."

"Jasper is rubbing off on you."

"How so?"

"You just sounded so country."

"Why, thank you ma'am."

"That's what I thought."

We laughed quietly as we separated with huge fucking grins on our faces. We had Emmett and Rose as back up if the boys refused to cooperate. Emmett was the muscle and Rose was the commander and chief of that muscle. You just can't say no when you have a big guy like that carrying you to your pending doom. Hopefully we wouldn't have to resort to those measures.

"Oh, Edward…where are you?"


	8. Two for the show

**Disclaimer: I do not own the characters of Twilight. Stephenie Meyer does and she is oh so very awesome for letting me play with them. Thank you.**

**Two for the Show.**

"_Philosophy consists very largely of one philosopher arguing that all other philosophers are jackasses. He usually proves it, and I should add that he also usually proves that he is one himself."_

"You two are acting like idiots."

Alice and I had managed to get them both into the room. But neither of them had said a word to each other. We had made a small amount of progress by allowing the guys to speak childishly to each other through Alice and I but this was becoming ridiculous.

Even now as I sit here relaying stupid fucking messages pretending as if Alice and Jasper had not just heard what Edward had said I am stooping to there level. Not that I am being mean, but I am being childish. With every comment comes an exasperated expression showing that someone how I am affected by there games.

I feel like walking out of the room and pulling my hair at the same time while screaming to the sweet mother of maturity to give these boys back there sanity. But, it won't work; at least I don't think it will. Hell, I'm close to trying anything. If this does not work, I have to follow Alice's plan…Edward will not make that easy on me at all. Fuck, he'd probably enjoy the shit out of me trying to ignore him. Especially if he knows it's not of my own free will. Stupid cocky bastard.

"Stop, I am not doing this bull shit anymore. You two need to grow some damn balls and talk to each other. How fucking third grade can you two really behave? This is so fucking immature. I can not stand it. I am moving out of this house if you two don't start talking to each other. And no Edward, you can not move with me."

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes, there nothing like an erratic emotional outburst to make a girl feel all warm inside.

"Same here."

Alice stared directly at the boys while coyly glancing in my direction. Nope, when I said I was moving it did not mean that she could join me. She was part of the reason I was going crazy there fore she can find her own apartment away from them. I could do something drastic like sign a six month lease and see how things work out between the two of them. I know that it would make Edward crack the moment I loaded up my truck with my shit. Hell, if he was acting like that towards me I would straighten up.

But then again, there is the difference between a man and a woman… with men it always comes to an ultimatum. With women, it never really gets that far before we just give in whether we won't to or not. It's the world's cruel way of compromising.

No one spoke, the air was thick with annoyance and I was on the verge of a temper tantrum. I stood up to leave them in silence and get some fresh air. Why they had to be so frustratingly difficult was beyond me and as of right now I didn't care to hear about there whiney he said she said bull shit anymore.

"Wait, fine…I'll talk."

Edward had grabbed my arm and looked at me from where he was seated. His eyes were telling me stories of admission and frustration without his lips having to say a word. My man had given in. Now, it was time to push my brother a little bit more.

"You know what; I even took my time to help clean up both of your messes. I even made a household calendar to help with organizing time for everyone and there stupid fucking projects. Jasper you of all people know that I have not had to do that since living with Renee…"

"I get it Bella."

"Then fucking act like a damn grown ass man and talk with Edward."

"There is nothing to talk about, I wanted an apology…he is too stubborn an ass to give me one."

"Man, what the fuck am I apologizing for?"

"How about running off and getting married to my sister…then helping the other buffoon ruin my other sisters reception with a food fight…how about being rude as shit as I was trying to play the guitar?"

"I refuse to apologize for Bella and me getting married. It is not your love life so you should not be concerned about it. I should only be apologizing to Rose about what happened at the wedding and I already have water under the fucking bridge. And why am I the only one apologizing about being loud? Dude you were just as loud as I was when I was trying to play my piano."

"Well, you could have at least come up then to let me know what was going on instead of turning your shit up."

"Yea well, you could have done the same fucking thing."

The staring contest started between the two of them again. Is this serious about the noise while they were each trying to play there own instruments? I could fix this with out all the drama… I think. Actually, you know what I was taught not to cash in my chicken before they hatched…we'll just see how this thing goes.

"You know what… you two keep talking, and we better hear noise coming out of this room or I am sending Rose and Emmett in here. Alice, follow me."

"Where are we going?"

"Don't ask questions…just walk."

We stepped out of the room and lucky me Emmett and Rose were already standing in the hall way. I pointed to them and then towards the door. Emmett nodded his head and came towards me while Rose trailed behind him annoyed was becoming her new preferred facial expression.

"What's up Bella, you ready for Rose and me to beat them up?"

"No Emmett, but I do need to ask a small favor?"

I looked from Emmett to Rose as she stuck her hand out and waved for me to continue. I know she was angry about this whole thing. I know she wanted everything to be back to normal and fun again…I know what she didn't know about herself most times so I also knew that I had a small window to get her to participate and believe you to me… I jumped on that shit.

"So Alice and I are going to take away the problem…Emmett I need you to sit out here and eaves drop. If they stop talking…you make them talk by whatever force is necessary. Just please don't immediately result to violence. Rose I need you to sneak up to Jasper's room and remove the guitar and amp, as well as the stereo and the music collection. Then do the same to Edward's collection in his room. Put them all in the room with the piano."

"And what is that going to do?"

"I'm going to buy a pretty secure pad lock. Kind of like time out, they can have the toys back when they can use them right. I've seen it done on TV before, so it might work."

"You know, they are not children…right?"

"Yes Rose, I know that…but I don't think that they do."

"Alright, I guess we'll see you back in a minute. Oh…and can you pick me up a milk shake while you are out?"

"What flavor?"

"Strawberry."

I nodded my head acknowledging Roses request and smiled as Emmett held up two fingers behind her head hoping that I would notice. Of course Emmett would also want a strawberry milkshake. That man could eat through an ice cream factory and still want more. I rolled my eyes and headed out to my truck with Alice in tow.

We went to Home Depot first and could not find the damn lock I was looking for. I'm sure they had it…but there staff seemed to be too damn busy to actually help me find it. I am illiterate when it comes to how they map out places like this, I just can't get over the chemical smell that hits me as soon as I hit the door. It takes away from several over my other abilities. Alice was not very helpful so we packed it up and moved on to Loews. The dreaded competition to Home Depot.

"Bella, have you ever seen the Jackass Movie?"

"Which one?"

"I think it was on the second one."

"Yes I have…why?"

"Have you not seen the first one?"

"Why?"

"Well, you asked which one…then you yes to the second, I could only assume that you haven't seen at least one of them."

"Well, what if I haven't seen a third or fourth and simply asked in case there was a third or fourth that I have not seen."

"Oh well, I guess that makes sense."

"Yup, so why do you ask?"

"Have you seen the scene where they shit in one of the toilets at the hard ware store? That shit was disgusting."

"Alice, you are distracting me…can we get off the topic of hard ware store toilets?"

"What if someone actually wanted to buy that toilet? Do you think they cleaned it up and then sold it?"

"I would hope not."

The conversation went on like that for several minutes as I scanned every aisle trying to find the door locks. Once that was done I spent another few minutes feeding into Alice's endless Jackass trivia questions while I searched through each individual lock trying to find the one lock that would work. These things were looking more and more complicated and I figured that I was going to be having Rose install the damn things.

Once I had finally selected the proffered lock and allowed Alice to pick out the finish of the metal, she had to make sure it matched, then we headed down the aisle where I came to a sudden stop staring a the blinds next to me.

"What are you looking at Bella?"

"Well, I was just thinking, how are we going to make sure that they don't break into the room? There are two windows."

"Oh, and what are you thinking?"

"Well… I don't know… maybe we need some more secure window locks."

"Ok, well then let's get some more secure window locks. But, if you are going to do one window you need to do them all. It's not right to have one window more secure than the others."

I agree…it doesn't really make any sense. What if someone tried to break into the house? We needed secure windows! I marched with a goal and a purpose to the window treatments stand and told the woman standing there that I wanted the best window locks they sold and that I wanted twenty two of them.

Ok, so the house really didn't appear to have twenty two windows…but if you think about it in accordance to the window locks we did. All of the windows in the bed rooms were double windows…there for two locks for each window. That's fourteen locks; the window in the music room actually had two sets of windows…so there are now sixteen locks. There was a double window in the dinning room…eighteen locks, one in the kitchen, two long windows on either side of the front door and then the one window in the living room. Therefore I needed twenty two locks.

The woman ended up selling me thirty just in case we broke any during installation. I'm a sucker for a back up when I did not want to have to come back into this place, I hate shopping…and this was considered doing something I hate for the greater good of my family. I was slowly but surely earning my way into the good graces of the big man upstairs. One small step at a fucking time.

"Do you think we should get new locks for the rest of the house? Like, not just that room and the windows?"

"Not really Alice, the front door is a very good lock and we do not need anything else for the regular bedrooms."

"Yea, but they are so easily broken into. What if the guys try to retaliate and do something to our clothes or something?"

"Well, now that would just give you a reason to go shopping now wouldn't it?"

"Bella, this is no laughing matter…I would be forced to commit murder if they did something to my clothes."

"Fine Alice, go get a lock, the same lock, for the rooms and meet me at the check out line. If you're not back by time I check out then we are not buying them."

Alice, bless her heart, didn't waste any time. She knew I always stayed true to my word and my warnings, so she ran down the aisles in hopes that she would make it back in time with all of the locks. I knew she would so when she showed up and threw the locks on the conveyer belt with a smile I simply shrugged my shoulders. I guess it couldn't hurt if we all had keys to our rooms. The house was starting to seem more like a prison.

It took me turning up the radio three times and offering my nicest smile to Alice to get her to shut up on the way home. I really enjoyed some of our conversations but it was more or less quiet time before the real talking started again. I needed to clear my mind and relax a little…once Edward and Jasper found out what I had done…well they were going to be the one's throwing the temper tantrums. I just hope that I get the locks on the door and windows installed before they found out.

I pulled into the drive way noticing the vast amount of leaves beginning to pool around the sides; it can't already be that season again? Can it? At least I know that my shopping will be done early. I was avoiding the Christmas extravaganza by doing a little online shopping.

I parked the truck and hoped out looking around my shoulder because I felt like someone was watching me…and sure enough there stood epitome of my hatred. James was looking somewhat shy and awkward slowly approaching Alice and I up the drive way. I turned quickly towards him and started to meet him half way. He did not need to be here.

"How do you know where I live James?"

"Um, from when Alice gave me instructions to pick you up for the date that never happened. Is Rose home? I need to speak with her."

"She's not here. Now leave and don't come back."

"Could you give her this?"

James stuck out his hand with a few folded pieces of paper reading and more than willing to hand them over to me. He looked innocent enough, although I knew his intentions towards my sister were far from innocent. I took the papers and shoved them in my back pocket.

"It's just an apology."

"Yea, whatever James. Leave and again…don't come back. Ever."

"Don't be that way."

"What way? Like I hate you and don't want you around me or my family? It sounds to me like the appropriate way to be."

"Whatever Rose and I belong together."

"In your dreams loser. Now leave."

His innocent expression turned calculating as he turned on his heal to leave. Good fucking riddance, he's lucky I didn't alert the boys, they would have beaten him senseless for even thinking of coming over here.

Alice hadn't said much though I know she heard and saw the transaction that took place. She was glaring at his retreating figure as I approached her standing by the truck with the bags wrapped around her delicate fingers.

"You ready to enter the circus again?"

"What was that about with James?"

"He wanted to talk to Rose, I told him 'no' so he gave me a letter to give her."

"Are you going to give her the letter?"

"Maybe. It's not like it would make a difference."

"I think you should let me have it."

"If I give it to anyone it will be Rose, now let's get this show on the road."

"Fine, could you take these bags? I'm going to check the mail real quick."

I grabbed the bags from Alice and headed into the house. Emmett was at the top of the stairs standing guard for the bedroom, obviously Edward and Jasper were still talking…Rose was sitting on the steps and gave me a pointed look when I motioned with just one finger for her to come down stairs and help me with this shit.

"So, what all did you buy? That's an awful lot of bags for one lock."

"Well, Alice was with me, and I decided we needed new locks for the windows. Alice wanted to have the same locks installed on all of the doors, just in case there is any retaliation from those two."

"Let me guess, you want me to install all of them?"

"I can help, but I'm sure you'd get it done better. Also, there is something else."

I gripped the letter in my back pocket before pulling it out and setting it on the kitchen counter between Rose and me. She eyed is suspiciously before asking me what the letter was for. I told her about my recent encounter with her biggest fan and she rolled her eyes.

"That guy is getting really annoying."

"I couldn't agree more Rose."

"I don't care what it says, throw it away."

I did as she asked, I didn't care what it said either…he was a creepy guy and we don't pay attention to creepy guys, they are simply too annoying for our time to be wasted on them.

Rose got started on the windows first and then made her way to the locks, once the one room was done she made her way to the other windows and doors in the house, she moving with rapid speed through the house changing out everything as I watched her from a safe distance. Rose was not one to have people in her way while she worked, and trust me the girl was fucking dangerous with a screw driver.

"Alice, what are you doing?"

"I got a letter from the Volturi Fashion Company. They still want to buy my designs."

"Really? Are you going to accept this time?"

"I don't know…this looks like a contract…so technically they could still be in my name and I could start my fashion career. This could be good."

"Ah, so let me know what you decide. Just make sure to have a lawyer look at it. You don't want those Italian punks to rip you off."

"Yea, I am not that stupid Bella."

"Could have fooled me."

I laughed as she swatted my with the papers that she held in her hand. How they got our address was unknown to me, the people stalking needed to stop though, I was almost willing to sale the damn house just so that we could all move and no one would have our address. Things were so much more peaceful then.


	9. Oh Wise One

**Disclaimer: I do not own the characters of Twilight. Stephenie Meyer does and she is oh so very awesome for letting me play with them. Thank you.**

**Oh Wise One**

"_Life's disappointments are harder to take when you don't know any swear words."_

"Yes dad…I know…I promise…I'll be sure to tell him that…I'm not that small any more…sure thing dad…no sir…yes sir…I am not talking about that…I know…maybe some other time…Bye dad."

"So how did your talk with Charlie go?"

"Jasper, you are lucky to be alive after pulling that little stunt. How did your conversation go with Edward?"

"We talked. When do we get our stuff back?"

"Is the schedule filled out?"

"Nope."

"And why not?"

"Because, he wants Friday nights…but so do I, and then we have Roses 'quiet' time to work with, and Alice wants her 'us' time…we just keep arguing."

"Well, keep working at it."

"You're not giving me my guitars back are you?"

"Not until I see a fully functional schedule. You two created this dysfunction...you two will fix it."

"Bella, that's not even cool."

"Jasper, you just lost cool points for going all valley girl on me."

"How is it that you are the one who assign's and takes away cool points?"

"Because there is more than one of me up here…"

I pointed up to my head with the most innocent smile that I could plaster on to my face, Jasper didn't fail to role his eyes as we settled into our familiar brother sister mode.

I had just gotten off the line with Charlie, which by the way took a whole damn hour to do. Once I answered that dreaded phone call it took me thirty minutes just to get a word in. Let's not forget the fact that I have still not even had the chance to explain myself to him…no it was 'Jasper said this…and at least Rose did that…" Blondie over here had a lot of redeeming to do as far as I was concerned.

I had called Renee before answering Charlie's call…I knew she would be easier to confess to and well it helped that her and Phil were some place rather noisy. I got a 'oh that's nice…and hey let me call you back' from her. Things were so much simpler with Renee…she didn't care that I wasn't a blushing bride, she probably didn't even know what she was saying at the time. I learned a lot from her. The whole 'just smile and nod' took on a whole new meaning when talking with Renee, you could tell when she was genuinely concerned about what I was doing…she'd sound just like Charlie during those times.

I walked down the stairs searching for Edward knowing that I would find him either in the living room with Emmett or in the garage with Rose. He was very determined to prove to me that his 'punishment' meant nothing. He would have one that argument until I found the small electric piano tucked safely under his bed. He's been avoiding me since I locked it up with the rest of the musical equipment.

"Hey, have you seen Edward?"

"Yea…he was outside helping Emmett with that shed Rose has had him building."

"What's that you're looking at?"

"Oh this?"

"Yea…that."

I slid into the bar stool chair next to Alice at the kitchen counter and tried looking over her shoulder. She was being pretty good about hiding whatever it is from me. Whatever it was she was reading over it carefully and quietly before I walked into the room…and well for Alice to do anything carefully or quietly was weird. I needed to find out this secret and see if I could utilize its power over Alice.

"Oh, this old thing…it's nothing."

"Then let me see it."

"You don't want to see it."

"Yes, I do."

"No really Bella, you don't."

"Really Alice I do, now stop with this crap and hand it over."

"Why do you want to see it if you do not even know what it is?"

"Why won't you tell me what it is?"

"Don't answer my question with a question."

"I can do what I want."

"Well, then I don't have to tell you or show you what this is."

Alice waved the long sheet of white paper with neatly printed black ink in my face before hoping off of the bar stool next to me and attempting to walk off. I saw the victory smile on her face and could not find it in me to give her that. No, she was not allowed to have yet another victory over me. I was putting a stop to Alice and her victory right now.

I jumped up from the bar stool and as she was about to turn and prance off all fucking cocky like. I snatched the papers from her hand quickly and turned to run out of the kitchen with them. Of course, and I say of course because we should all know by now that I am not graceful. No, for the life of me I can not stand on flat surfaces and I sure as hell shouldn't be grabbing papers on tile floors and taking off running.

My foot caught, probably on my other foot considering I think that they are at war with each other and I slipped. Thankfully it was not enough to wear I busted my ass on the floor no I somewhat caught my self but it sure as hell slowed me down.

Once Alice's shock wore off she tore ass towards me, I concentrated on putting one foot in front of the other and ran towards the only place an ally might be. The backyard.

"Bella, give that back!"

"Nope."

I was running with everyone ounce of strength I had, the pixie was quick but I had longer legs to stand on. I looked to the corner of the yard where Rose was standing with her head slightly ajar staring at the scene unfolding in front of her. Emmett had stopped pounding the wood with the hammer and turned his body towards me attacking figure.

If you were to ask me my plan I would be able to give you a good one, I knew one thing at the moment. Get behind the big guy and hope that Edward backs me up. If not well, he might be sleeping out in the shed that he was currently helping to construct.

"Bella give it back or else!"

"Or else what Alice?"

"Don't make me say it Bella."

I shook my head as I took those last steps and crashed behind Emmett successfully landing in Edward hard chest. His arms wrapped around me protectively at first as I giggled uncontrollably.

"What the hell are you two doing now?"

"Bella, give it back."

"Alice is hiding something…and it's in these papers…so I took them."

"Exactly, you took them. Now give it back."

"Ok, both of you quiet. Bella, what did you take?"

"I don't know…just some papers I guess."

"They are not just some papers. Edward, make her give them back!"

"I can not pick sides. Isn't that right? That's what you two did right? No, I think you two should sit in a room and work it out. Emmett grab Alice."

"What? No…Rose don't let them…"

"Don't let them what? You two brought this on yourselves. See you four later, I'm thirsty."

I was shocked; Edward had me in a death grip as he dragged me back towards the house. Alice as being carried over Emmett's shoulder. She wasn't fighting it…there was really no use, Emmett could take her easily and was proving that with the way he slung her around like a rag doll. Alice had her head propped up by one elbow shoved into Emmett's back and her head rested on her tiny little fist.

She had the most annoyed look on her face. For a brief moment in time I was scared watching her being carried by Emmett. I imagined how many times that tiny little fist planned on slamming into my face at this point. Was this paper that important? Eh, if it was that important to my best friend Alice…well it was that important to me. No pain…no gain.

"Emmett, do you have your room key on you?"

"Sure do."

"Alright ladies, we are locking this door until we are satisfied with the conversation you are both having."

"Edward, you are a dead man when I get out of here."

"I agree Alice, he is a dead man…I hope you have a good insurance policy honey."

Edward's smile didn't fade as he shut and locked the door behind him. I took a seat on Emmett's old bed and watched as Alice paced the room taking calming breaths before she stopped dead in her tracks and turned towards me.

"Why did we buy the locks again?"

"Safety…and well to keep the music room locked up."

"How did I not know that this was going to turn around and kick us in the ass?"

I just shrugged my shoulders…it's not like it was my idea. Well, the music room yes. But not the rest of the rooms no that was all Alice right there. I mentally slapped myself and let out a long drawn out bored out of my mind sigh. There was no need to place blame, if we wanted out of this room we needed to talk about the paper in my hands.

"Look Bella, if you give the papers back I'll tell you what they are about."

"Sounds like a good plan to me."

Alice stuck her hand out and took a seat on the bed next to me. Now, this may seem childish to you…but to me it was like swearing on the Holy Grail to Alice so I made her pinky swear to tell me what the papers were about before handing them over. She rolled her eyes and took hold of my pinky before snatching the papers out of my hand with her other hand.

She took a long pause and stared down at the papers in her hand. When she looked up and her eyes met mind I saw a flurry of emotion dancing within them, confused, happy, and excited were a few of the ranges the light in her eyes danced around.

"Ok so for starters I don't want anyone else knowing about this. You have to promise me Bella."

"Promise."

I could keep a secret…right? It can not be that hard, I think I did a good job at keeping what secrets I had to keep in the past. It was Edward that had proven to have the big mouth, not me. Though I couldn't really blame him, the poor guy was actually excited to be stuck with me. I don't exactly have self esteem issues but even I don't like being stuck with…I could be a bitch. I inwardly shrugged my shoulders at that thought and watched how Alice was going back and forth with herself trying to figure out how to tell me what the papers are.

"Just spit it out already."

"Don't rush me."

"I'm not; it just might be easier to spit out."

"Maybe…I guess that I am just wasting time anyways…"

"Time, that's the key."

"Whatever, ok so this is a contract with the Volturi for my designs and my future work."

"Really?"

"Yes."

"That's actually exciting, are they going to pay for everything and leave your name on it?"

"I believe that is what the contract states…I don't know though, there is a lot of legal mumbo jumbo in it."

"Have Laurent look at it."

"Who is Laurent?"

"You met him when he bailed out Rose and me. He's Charlie's lawyer."

"Oh really? You think he could help with this?"

"He's supposed to be a really good lawyer."

"Supposed to or is? This is my future in fashion we are talking about."

"I guess he is, look you don't have to see him, and any lawyer would be fine. It's just reading over the legalities to a normal contract right?"

"Do you have his number?"

"No, but you can have Jasper call and get it from Charlie."

"Why can't you call and get it? I don't want to have to mention it to Jasper just yet."

"Why not?"

"Well, if everyone gets excited then I might get over excited about it…well I don't want to set myself up for disappointment."

"Alice, what is there to be disappointed about? That's a contract…it's not like wondering if someone wants you…they want you already. I'd say that they are almost desperate to have you."

"Really?"

"Since when have you been into self doubt?"

"I think you are rubbing off on me."

I laughed at that and then looked around the room. Obviously the guys were not standing outside and listening, they would have at least let us out by now. Or they were being vindictive assholes and we were going to be stuck in here all night. I would say that it was the latter of the two. Alice caught on quick to my movements and threw one finger over her lips as she stood and moved towards the window.

Yes, we were going to be sneaky again…another mission impossible for Alice and I. She unlocked the latch on the window and raised it slowly sticking her head out as she did so that she could make sure no one was standing guard to make sure we were not doing what we were about to do.

It was moments like this that I remembered why I liked this little pixie best friend bouncy energetic creative woman. I stood up and walked slowly towards the window taking Alice's lead there was a similar lattice running along the side of the house as there was that is by my window although it did not look quite as sturdy…it would work.

Alice left the window first being the lightest of us two and started to scale down the window. I followed after her and sure enough wouldn't you fucking know it… I crashed and I crashed hard. I had made it about half way down so there was no risk of broken bones; instead I had all the wind knocked out of me. It sent a sharp pain through my stomach and a loud 'umph' from the last gust of wind being shoved out of my lungs. Yep, that was going to leave a bruise on my back.

"So what should we do first now that we are free women?"

"Well, I think we should let them think we are in there for a few more hours and get a drink. Then you can call Charlie for me…I'll even buy the liquid courage for you."

"Oh, how sweet...get me drunk and make me call my dad. Oh he'll be really happy to hear from me then."

"Not drunk Bella...just courageous."

"Yea, we'll see about your liquid courage. Let's just get out of here before we get caught."

Alice smiled at me and grabbed my hand as we tip toed around the house and the booked it towards her car. It was smaller and much quieter than my monster of a truck. Once we were down the drive way I smiled a big goofy grin…she was definitely my best friend…and my favorite sister in this very moment. Please don't tell Rose, I don't want her or Alice in competition for my affections…wow, I just sounded really cocky, good thing I'm not talking out loud huh?

The drive was filled with laughter and corny jokes, we compared pick up lines and useless information about random bars in the city…turns out we really were complete opposites. After the first three drinks, I had the courage as Alice said to call Charlie.

And believe it or not, I did...and it really wasn't that bad. He really liked Alice and after giving him brief details about what was going on and what we needed he obliged and then requested to speak with Alice. I couldn't tell you what was said but a few pointed glances were thrown my way. I had enough courage that I didn't care, instead I ordered another drink. Our cell phones were still at the house so there was no way to get in contact with us, I didn't bother to check in with anyone at the house either. The alcohol told me that it serves them right; this is what they get for locking us in a room. The sober side said 'oh well' and shrugged its shoulders…tonight was just the beginning of a lot of sneaking around with Alice, we had to do this more often.


	10. My Apologise

**Disclaimer: I do not own the characters of Twilight. Stephenie Meyer does and she is oh so very awesome for letting me play with them. Thank you.**

**My Apologies. **

"We are sorry."

"You're sorry? We were all worried half to death."

"What more do you want Alice and I to say Rose? That we snuck out didn't have our cell phones and we are ok. It's not like we stayed out all night."

"Bella, anything could have happened."

"Rose, you are not my mother."

"Like Renee would give two shits anyways."

"Exactly my point."

"Why did you two sneak out anyways?"

"It just seemed like the fun thing to do at the moment."

Rose rolled her eyes and tapped her foot profusely on the hard wood floor in front of us. Alice had not said a word and I had the strangest feeling that she was secretly enjoying the fact that she had gotten Rose all riled up and sergeant mommy on us.

"Well, you two need to apologize to the boys…and for heaven's sake give Jasper and Edward back there stuff. You are acting just as immature as they are. I am so tired of living in a damn prison with children."

"I could not agree more Rose."

"Then take care of it."

Alice and I giggled as we clicked our heels and saluted the new general in the house. It was nice to have someone else take over since the rest of us were acting like immature juvenile delinquents. I spent a good portion of my life taking care of adults and acting like an adult that this new sense of maturity was thrilling me to no end. Needless to say, it was kind of nice to be taken care of.

I was going to let Alice handle the apologies up stairs since she was oh so kind and let me handle Rose, who was probably far worse then what we had to face upstairs. I walked up to the music room and stuck my key in the lock before opening the door and leaving it wide open. I was not going to tell the guys that they could have there stuff back. Nope, I was just going to leave the door open and let them make there own assumptions. Hopefully, they would understand my grand gesture.

After grabbing a Coke out of the refrigerator I sat down on the couch in the living room and started flipping through channels. I never really understood paying for cable, it's like they give you three hundred channels a good quarter of those channels were in a language that you could not understand, then the other half were full of infomercials or crap no one would want to watch. I think that out of the whole cable package I watched maybe six of the channels.

I tried once to call the cable company and see if I could just purchase the channels that were watched, it sure as hell would lower the bill…but no, they have to earn there money somehow. I could even lower my package deal because I have to have Showtime…Weeds was the coolest show in the whole world. If you have not seen it, look for it…you will not be disappointed. If you are well, don't tell me about it. Your opinions will fall on deaf ears.

"So you can not come up stairs and say hello?"

"Awe, did you miss me?"

"I always do."

"Are you trying to butter me up? What did you do this time?"

"Can't I just be nice and miss my wife?"

"That word again…you did do something."

"No I didn't."

"Are you lying to me?"

"Now, if I was lying to you would I really tell you that I was lying to you?"

"I would hope that you were not lying to me. So yes."

"Ok then, I am not lying to you."

Edward smiled down at me as he took a seat and pulled me into his lap on the couch. This was far more comfortable then the damn couch. I wiggled myself in closer to his chest and continued flipping through channels on the remote until he took it from me. I was not done looking for something to watch.

"What are you doing?"

"You clicked past something I like watching."

"What was it?"

"The Speed Channel."

"And what is on the Speed Channel?"

"Pinks."

"Oh, I guess that is ok."

"I don't think that I really gave you a choice in the matter."

"Don't make me make you miserable."

"You have already taken away my piano…what else do you want to do to me woman?"

"Keep messing with me and you'll find out."

Edward rolled his eyes but tightened his grip around me; it was like a steel cage holding me to his chest. I didn't mind…a damn earth quake could be happening and I feel safer right here then I would in a door frame, there was something special about this one. Good thing I was stuck with him huh?

I laid my head down on his shoulder and began drifting off to sleep. It was not really that late in the day, but it was late enough that I could fall asleep and still sleep comfortably through the night. I should get up and go to my bed, but eh…I slept wherever Edward was at the present time.

I didn't wake up early morning like I had planned to; nope I woke up closer to noon. Edward was fast asleep next to me; I wondered how late he stayed up but decided to just let him sleep in anyways. I really didn't even feel like climbing out of bed…I was perfectly fine right where I was at. I brushed a loose strand of hair off of his forehead and combed back the loose strands around his face with my hands. He didn't need a haircut, but he could use a trim. I doubt I'd be able to convince him of this much though.

I probably sat here fussing with his hair for about fifteen minutes with out him waking up, which only makes me assume that he was up pretty late. I smiled as I kissed him on his forehead and got up to get dressed and head downstairs. A turkey sandwich sounded really nice right about now.

"Oh, look who finally woke up."

"Good Afternoon to you to Alice."

"It actually is a pretty damn good after noon. Guess what."

"What?"

"No, really I want you to guess…"

"My brain is not up and running for guessing games at this moment."

"I wonder if your brain is ever up and running. You should take vitamins."

"What the hell do vitamins have to do with it?"

"Everything."

"Alice, just tell me."

"I will, but only if you make me a sandwich too… that looks really good from over here."

I looked down at the ingredients that I tossed on to the counter and then back up at Alice. I only had enough pepper jack cheese for one sandwich…she was going to have to have American if she wanted a sandwich.

"American cheese ok?"

"Sure. So anyways Charlie arranged for me to meet up with Laurent today and I did. He looked over the contract during breakfast and he says that it is a really good deal. Lots of money and royalties involved for me. Also, he said that he could be my full time lawyer and over look all of my business transactions with the Volturi so that I don't have to worry about it. What do you think?"

"Sounds good to me…here."

I tossed Alice's sandwich on a plate and slid the plate over the counter to her. She took huge bites out of it with a big smile on her face. It's good that she was in a good mood, maybe now would be the time to tell her that I will be partaking in a little online Christmas Shopping this year.

"What are we doing today?"

"Alice, I have to get ready to go back to work, my little vacation is over. I probably have a stack of stories that I need to get to editing."

"Fine, be a sour puss. Hey, has my brother found a job yet?"

"Nope, we'll probably have to start looking out of the area for something. There are no open positions here at the time."

"I don't want you to move away."

"We won't move far Alice."

"Yes you will…I know it…but that's ok I guess, I can move anywhere…and with the income that I will have Jasper can quite his job and come with. I'm sure Rose and Emmett wont mind moving and then we can all stay together. Let me know as soon as you know where, that way we can all find a house."

"Alice, I learned not to bet against you…but as far as I know we are not moving anywhere just yet. I really like California."

"Whatever Bella just let me know when and where."

I rolled my eyes and leaned up on the counter to dive further into my sandwich. I should probably make one for Edward and take it up stairs. He'll be hungry once he wakes up…I know I sure as hell was. Alice finished off her sandwich and rinsed her plate taking off upstairs probably to look more into her contract. Who knows, with Alice she could be doing just about anything.

Neither of the guys had figured out that the door to the music room was open, at least I don't think they did…I did kind of pass out early so who knows. I can only assume and you know my theory on assumptions. Maybe that's why the guys haven't taken anything out of the music room yet. Maybe just maybe they are smart enough not to assume, which in turn isn't very smart at all considering that I left it open as a gesture for them to assume. Wow, I am confusing myself now.

"Bella, this guy will not give up."

Rose had just walked into the kitchen sliding the mail over the kitchen counter and staring at four envelopes in her hand. All of them appeared to be hand addressed but I couldn't decide if I really wanted to know what guy she was talking about. No one in particular came to mind but there was that nagging little person in the back screaming that it should be obvious who she was talking about. I settled to not look stupid and just ask.

"What guy Rose?"

"James, he wrote four letters to me."

"Are you going to read them?"

"No, I don't see the point."

"Rose, he's pretty much harassing you…can't we file charges or something?"

"What good would that do? I don't think it's illegal to write a person a letter. Just a damn annoyance."

"Well, he is pretty annoying."

"Here…do something with these."

"Why don't you let Emmett do something with them?"

"Are you trying to get that guy killed?"

"Maybe."

"Bella, I do not think that be annoying serves as a death warrant."

"I say we let the guys make that determination."

"I'd rather my husband not end up in jail."

"Why would I end up in jail?"

Rose and I turned to see Emmett setting down his gym bag in he hall entry way. I honestly believe that he has a right to know that James is writing Rose. He should be allowed as the husband to stick up for his wife. Call it what you will, I'm sure Rose will look at me like I am instigating things… actually she probably will be pretty mad at me considering she just told me to drop it.

I decided to make a deal with myself mentally. I would not say anything just yet, but if it got worse I was screaming it from the roof tops. She could be all the mad she wants to be, I don't want her developing some weird stalker freak. Roses fan club was big enough as is.

"It's nothing Emmett…just some letters that Bella is worried about for nothing."

"Let me see them."

"It's not necessary. I'm not even going to read them. Bella…throw these away."

"No, Bella don't throw them away. I want to read them."

"Why is it so important to you?"

"I don't know, just curious…who are they from?"

"No one important."

"Then why won't you tell me? What is it an ex boyfriend?"

"Nope."

"Bella, who are they from?"

"Uh uh, don't you drag me into this. This is between you and Rose."

"Rose?"

"Emmett don't worry about it."

Yea, I knew that look in his eyes, the determined 'I am going to worry about it' look. Emmett had it bad, I could probably throw these in the trash and as soon as Rose was not looking I bet you anything he would dive in there and read them. I wish Jasper was around; he would place a bet with me. I could call him at work and tell him his odds, no better not. I picked up the letters and slid them into the trash can with a big smile on my face. I was about to win a personal bet.

"There, problem solved. No you two go on about your day. I need to wake up Edward."

Victory was mine…not only did I just do what Rose wanted, but I also left an outlet for Emmett to read the letters that James was writing. I was a genius…an evil master mind, no that doesn't sound right…either which way I just earned some cool points and no one in the house would even know it. Well, I might tell Edward…he was easily amused with my antics.


	11. Java Experience

**Disclaimer: I do not own the characters of Twilight. Stephenie Meyer does and she is oh so very awesome for letting me play with them. Thank you.**

**Java Experience**

"_My way of telling a joke is to tell the truth. The truth is always funny."_

I had woken Edward up about oh lets say three hours ago. It was now 4:30 PM in the afternoon and I had showered twice. Not from really being dirty…but because we really didn't work on getting clean in the shower. No need for details you know what I mean.

I had finally found my clothes from around the bed where it all had started and I was now looking for my sandals. Edward was finishing up in the shower and wanted me to go and get some coffee. Not just any coffee no, he wanted a specific mocha from a specific coffee shop.

I grabbed my last shoe and slid it on while prancing out of the bed room door. Mocha was a very good idea and the drive wasn't really that far. It took about thirty minutes to walk… it would really only take about five minutes to drive there.

"Hey, I'm heading to the coffee house…any one want anything thing?"

I turned my head around listening carefully for any sudden movements or noises but there was nothing. Everyone must be deep into whatever it was that they were doing. I wonder if Emmett actually found the letters. My curious mind got the better of me as I tip toed over by the trash can and lifted the lid slightly.

Sure enough, the letters were no longer sitting on the top of the trash can…and there sure as well wasn't anything fresh sitting in there easy. Questions was… did Emmett get a chance to read them? Or did Rose take them before he caught on to my plan? Either which way I doubt that was the last time James would write her, and I am not about to keep my mouth shut for much longer. I've seen too many news reports and true crime stories to know that she should be watching this annoyance closely.

After asking one more time if anyone wanted anything I grabbed my car keys and my wallet and walked out to my truck. It really needed a bath. I was going to have to take it to a car wash here soon. I pulled out of the drive way and began the short drive down the street to the coffee house.

It didn't appear to be that busy when I pulled up to the shop and parked my truck. You could pretty much see everything going on inside the shop through the painted glass windows. They had some person come out once a week and paint a new scenario or place on the outside of the windows. I guess they liked to keep it fresh and new. Either which way, I could see that there were only about three people inside the shop and each of them sat at a separate table with coffee in hand. Meaning one thing, there was no fucking wait for the damn coffee.

I smiled at the simple things in life as I headed into the shop and ordered two mocha's with caramel drizzle and extra whip cream. These drinks were the best out there. Ok well, I guess I can not say the best…I haven't really tried any other coffee shops so who am I too really judge?

The woman behind the counter smiled at me politely as she handed me back my credit card and my drinks. Whenever I would come in here with Edward in tow she wouldn't even smile at me…hell the bitch wouldn't even acknowledge my existence. It was very aggravating so I didn't smile back this time. No I barely even gave her a sarcastic half grin. She didn't seemed fazed by it…she must be all doped up on caffeine or something today. No one but Alice is that happy.

I wasn't going to start a fight…I had Edward, she had to serve me coffee to take to Edward. Life was where it was supposed to be. I placed a cup in each hand and turned on my heel to leave the coffee shop when both of the drinks went pouring down the front of my shirt.

"What the fuck?"

"Oh, are you ok? I'll make you two more."

I turned my gaze from down on my shirt towards the girl behind me quickly making me two more. What the hell was this chick on? I looked up to see what the hell I ran into when I saw none other than stalker boy himself standing not two inches from me. I took a big step back and tossed the now empty glasses into the trash can next to me.

James leaned in reaching around me putting himself way to close for comfort and grabbed some napkins to hand over to me. I snatched them with as much as force as I probably could hopefully letting him know that I was not appreciating his presence right at this very moment.

"What a coincidence that we ran into each other literally again here."

"Stalk much?"

"What did you say? I couldn't here you."

"Stop trying to be polite we all know you hate me as much as I hate you or have you picked up on stalking me too?"

"I am not stalking anyone."

"So writing love notes to someone who doesn't even like you isn't stalking?"

"She loves me, she just doesn't realize it yet…I have to open her eyes up."

"Oh, trust me her eyes are open. I think you should take a hike and leave my sister the fuck a lone."

"Or what? You're going to throw coffee on me?"

"Be careful with what you wish for."

"The only thing I am wishing for is your sister's sweet ass."

"Gross dude, seriously get the fuck away from me."

"Why? Your precious Edward isn't here to protect you now."

"He doesn't have to be. I can protect myself."

"Prove it. Make me leave."

I was practically growling when the girl behind me placed my drinks on the counter again. I tossed the napkins in the trash can next to me as James leaned in closer inching his way into my personal bubble. I did not like people in my bubble without permission.

An idea flew through my mind, and then that very same idea flew down my neck through my hips and raised my knee successfully connecting it with his man goods. I watched his face turn red and his body slump over in front of me. I took another step back grabbed my drinks and took a rather large step over his cursing form and out of the coffee shop.

Victory was mine! I should be scared, he could take me…if he wasn't slumped over on the floor wishing that he hadn't of been standing that close to me. I was right, and I had proven it. I may not have made him leave but I sure as hell got my point across. Well, at least I hope that I got my point across I didn't want him coming back for more. Hell, I really didn't want him stalking me looking for a way to get even.

Once the truck pulled into the drive way I hopped out with the drinks in hand completely forgetting about my now stained shirt and walked into the house. There was serious drama unfolding before my eyes as I watched Emmett pace the living room in front of Rose holding the letters. Ah yes, it had been Emmett who had gotten his hands on them.

Edward and Jasper both didn't look happy either as the sat on chairs facing Rose. Alice as the only one next to Rose and it appeared that a line had been drawn…sides were chosen and I had walked into the middle of the war zone. Suddenly the coffee house seemed like a better place for me to be.

"What the hell happened to you?"

I looked at Edward as he hoped up out of his chair and walked towards me taking the cups out of my hands. He looked me up and down and that is when I remembered my shirt and the coffee that was poured on it.

"Oh, umm I ran into someone…but its ok he's in more pain than I am."

"Why is he in more pain?"

I was bending my head around Edward slightly ignoring him trying to see what the building tension was and glares flashing around in the living room. I really wanted to know what was in those damn letters now.

"Well he wouldn't step out of my damn bubble. So I damaged the family jewels."

"What the fuck? I'm going to need you to elaborate."

"What's going on in there?"

"Not as important right now. What happened at the coffee shop?"

"Can we go in there and talk about it? Things look tense."

"Fine, but you are talking about it."

"Yes sir."

I reached up on my tip toes and kissed Edward before grabbing my drink out of his hands and heading into the living room. Rose as my sister and Alice was my best friend…so naturally whether they were wrong or right I took a seat on the other side of Rose. Edward didn't pay much attention to the lines as he took his seat, his chair was positioned directly in front of me and I knew there were a lot of questioning glances being shot my way.

"Coffee is the new pink. In case you all didn't know."

Alice rolled her eyes and Rose chuckled next to me. The guys didn't really pay my comment much attention…no I don't think they were in a laughing mood right now. This was a tough crowd. Silence over came the room when Edward let out a long drawn out sigh, obviously hinting for me to get on with story time. I hated story time.

So I ran through it all as quick as possible. I wasn't really the type of person to linger on the details but I made sure not to leave anything out. Edward was pissed…I knew he was…he had a short temper to begin with. He never lost it with me…but I had seen it and when he stood up and kicked the chair out from beneath his legs I kind of flinched away. Emmett wasn't looking at me but he was shooting daggers in Roses way.

Jasper looked almost defeated. He was concerned but not equally as mad…just defeated. I didn't turn my head to glance at Alice, I'm sure her entire person was focused on Jasper and the strange expression he was wearing at the present time. Hell, even I was focused pretty much on that. Edward had stepped out side, a trick Jasper thankfully taught him to help him calm himself down.

He probably wanted to kill James; I really didn't think he'd be that upset about it…I mean shit…it was just James. But then Emmett started on Rose again, I heard some of the things he was mentioning from the letters…threats, confessions, anger, lust, and a whole bunch more had been written in between the words. Rose didn't want to file a report she claimed she could handle the psycho…but even I started to wonder how many more coffee shop incidents I would be able to escape. This guy could be really out of his mind with his infatuation.

"Fine, Emmett…I'll go right fucking now and file a police report. This is really too much though, he just has a crush."

"A crush? Maybe you should read these letters Rose…Emmett has every right to be fucking upset…the guy attacked Bella at a coffee shop. Stop throwing a fit and just do it."

"Whatever, I said I would do it…hand me the letters. I assume they'll want evidence."

"I'm riding with you Rose."

I watched Emmett and Rose exchange a glance with each other. Of course he would want to ride with her…he wants to protect her, Jasper wants to protect her, damnit…the whole family just wants everyone else safe. When did everything become so dramatic? I wanted the carefree to come back and sweep me away.

I did what I normally do when I attempt to recoil in my shell and hide from the cruel reality. I wanted life to be the big joke that it always was and this was too much for me to mess around with right now…these people were way to serious for my taste. I'd come out to play when people were actually playing.

I first checked through the back door to see that Edward was calmed down and just sitting on the back porch. He looked like he could use a beer…I wouldn't mind one either actually. I tapped on the back window and held up one finger with a warm smile. I needed a minute and he nodded his head acknowledging that I could have that.

I ran up the stairs and changed quickly into my track shorts and a tank top and then threw my hair up into a pony tail and grabbed two beers. The wind was picking up and looked as if a storm was rolling in this evening. What better ways to relax and shoot the shit than to sit out side with your best friend, lover, husband and joke around with a few beers watching a storm roll through? I'm actually excited about my evening.


	12. Just the two of us

**Disclaimer: I do not own the characters of Twilight. Stephenie Meyer does and she is oh so very awesome for letting me play with them. Thank you.**

**Just the two of us.**

"_A little nonsense now and then, is cherished by the wisest men."_

"I think we need more beer."

"I think we are out of beer."

"Oh yea…what do you think we have then?"

"I think we have kool aid, tea, coffee, and maybe a hidden bottle of wine. You know how Jasper tries that romantic shit on Alice…I bet you we'd get lucky if we go look around."

"I like the sound of getting lucky…but really, Bella…I don't think you'd be able to carry me around in there. So I'll just wait here."

I turned towards Edward as he waved me back into the house. We had finished off a twelve pack between the two of us, and now I was up and moving towards the kitchen in search of Jasper's not so secret bottle of wine and two glasses.

The storm had not even picked up yet…The wind sure as hell did, though. I was thankful that we had shelter surrounding the back porch; it was the perfect place to watch a storm roll in. Through the confines you could feel the warm breeze and smell the fresh, rain-filled air approach. Small drums in the sky beat the sound of thunder, and the lightening lit up the stars that you could barely see through the smog on a clear night.

While most people enjoyed those warm, dry, clear nights; I preferred the damp, humid, and windy ones. The wind made up for the humidity, and if you got a good enough buzz you really didn't care too much about the damp. Edward and I were currently working on the buzz factor. Well…okay; so I was working on the buzz factor. I think that Edward was a few steps ahead of me on that one.

"What took you so long?"

I chuckled as I closed the back door behind me and set the two wine glasses down on the small table set between our two chairs. Edward looked amused and silently wondered what the joke was. I didn't like missing the joke, especially when it was coming from his creative mind.

It was close to 11:30 PM; Rose and Emmett had called to let us know that they were going out for drinks. I didn't plan on them being home anytime soon, and I hoped that they were smart enough to take a damn cab if they both drank too much this evening. Rose was normally smart about those things, being that she lost her dad to a drunk driving incident.

They didn't talk about it much; hell, I don't blame them. And I was pretty sure that the negative vibe I got from them in regards to Renee was stemmed from her drunk driving charge. Renee had gotten a very light sentence: probation, losing her license, and crap loads of community service. She deserved it so I wasn't going to bitch about it.

Kim and Charlie had met when Kim started a volunteer group to go and talk to high school kids about drinking and driving. She ended up in my father's crappy little town where he was the chief of police. From what I hear, it was 'love' at first sight when he showed up at the school to talk to the kids with Kim about drinking and driving. I don't think I ever mentioned how my little family was formed, but yea…there's the story.

I glanced down at Edward, but held the bottle of wine closely to my side. There was an old fashioned cork screw in it that I was currently wiggling loose. I had already unscrewed it as much as I could within the kitchen using the appropriate utensil as I did.

"I didn't think I took a long time."

"Well, I think you did."

"I'm beginning to think that you think too much."

"Only when I am around you. I've got to stay up on my toes."

"Be careful; people who stand on there toes fall down easier."

"Oh yea? And when did you become all wise and knowing."

"What? I have always been all wise and knowing."

Edward rolled his eyes as I finally weaseled the damn cork out of the bottle and poured our glasses. We were beginning to fall back into our easy conversation about random nothingness when the first drops of rain began to fall. This storm was going to be a real dousy as it took several hours just to build up to this point.

Alice and Jasper were upstairs, and have been up stairs watching a Disney marathon.. Jasper was suckered into it by Alice. Poor guy; I was glad that Edward didn't have any of these strange hobbies, or at least they were not very strange to me.

"Jasper or Emmett?"

"Why am I picking between the two?"

"Just pick."

"Okay; well, what are the circumstances?"

"Just which one is your favorite brother?"

"Emmett."

"Why Emmett?"

"Well, he's like the toddler that I will never have. I get to teach him shit."

"That's actually kind of funny."

"I thought so too. So Mr. Cullen…Rosalie or Alice."

"Always Alice."

"Oh yea? And why Alice?"

"Because she is Alice…What's not to like?"

"I guess."

"So Mrs. Cullen, are you saying that you would not pick Alice?"

"Well, Rose makes me do less…but Alice keeps me on my toes. I don't really think that I could pick between them without an hour of waving the pros and cons of the whole thing."

"It can not be that complicated."

"Ah, but it is."

"Let's get married again. A real wedding."

"Where did that come from?"

"I don't know…I kind of want to have a real wedding, family and all."

"A real wedding? What's not real about the wedding we have?"

"I haven't even told my parents yet."

"What? I had to go through painful hours of telling my family and you have not told yours?"

"Well, Carlisle knows…so I assume Esme does, but I have not really said anything."

"I can not believe you."

"What's not to believe?"

"I think I am going to need another glass of wine to digest this."

"So you have not said 'no', and that is a good sign."

"Maybe."

"Is maybe your answer?"

"I am pretty sure my answer will be 'no'."

"Why not?"

"Well, what wasn't real about our wedding? It sure as hell felt real to me, and you know I don't get into that shit."

"I don't see the point in doing any of this for family, but what if we have kids and they want to see pictures?"

"You are beginning to contradict yourself."

"I know…I am a little buzzed…Well, a lot buzzed, but still answer the question."

"Children?"

"Yes, children."

"You want children?"

"Maybe someday…I don't want to completely push the idea away."

"Really?"

"Yes, really…Is it that hard to answer the question?"

"Actually, yes, it is that hard to answer the question."

"Bella, we are still young; it does not have to be today or tomorrow. I'm fine with practicing…but one day…it would be nice to have a little me or you running around."

"Yea, you're not the one having to carry this child for nine months, nor will you be the one to push when the time comes. You have no idea what water weight is, and cravings, and mood swings, and all that extra crap.."

"You'd still be beautiful."

"Yea, I'd be the prettiest fucking cow on the block."

"I did not say cow."

"Edward, could we talk about this some other time? Like, when we are sober?"

"The alcohol gives me courage."

"I promise I won't kill you…just later…I'm trying to enjoy easy conversation and an awesome storm."

"Oh, so now I am the kill joy."

"You made a decent assumption."

"Thanks."

"Anytime."

I sat back in the chair and chuckled slightly to myself. If you would have asked me when I first got off the plane to land in California if I would have been married and discussing real weddings and children, I would have laughed in your fucking face. Hell, I'm still on the corner of laughing and serious thought…He's serious, so shouldn't I be? You know spare feelings and all that crap. Hell, I don't even know anymore. The only thing that I know right now is that I am not having kids…Maybe he won't even remember this conversation tomorrow. He has never expressed wanting kids unless it accidentally happened. Then he wanted to be the father they deserved, if it happened, and 'if' being the key word here.

The rain was pelting down against the ground as I looked over at Edward; he was drunk with a sly grin on his face. I felt a little childish as I glanced from him towards the yard where puddles were forming. I wanted to play in the rain, not just play…run around like a damn child and get soaked simply because I could and I wanted to.

I stood up and moved to stand in front of Edward, grabbing his hand and pulling him to his feet. I wasn't going for one of those cliché kissing-in-the-rain moments, but who wouldn't want this man naked and wet on top of them? If I was a dude, I'd be gay in ten seconds flat at the sight of him following me and laughing as I ran through the rain.

I turned my moment of relaxation into a game of chase leaving Edward playfully tackling me in the mud formed over by the shed in the yard. We were soaking wet, and no doubt we would possibly be sick tomorrow when we woke up. But who really cared? I'm living in the moment, and right now the moment called for his shirt to come off, so it did.

We began tearing our clothes off in the warm rain as he kissed me passionately. Mud covered my entire body and if any of our family or friends came out here they would surely get the show of there lives. I, again, did not care right now. I had Edward, he had me, and he actually wanted me. Not some supermodel movie star that he could get…No, he wanted me, and he didn't make me feel like he settled. I was the prize to him, for some strange, reversed type of reason.

I wanted another tattoo to commemorate this moment, this life. No, not just this life. The life that he wanted to give to me. The life that I was living simply because I took a chance and listened to some damn demographics and fell for it. I did not just fall for his grand plan, but I fell for him face first into the unknown. It was fucking awesome.

"We should stop."

"What? Edward…you better have a good reason for killing this."

"No protection."

"Birth control."

"Oh yea."

"Have another, why don't you?

"I will when I'm done with you."

"Nope; you're a kill joy."

Edward chuckled and began assaulting my chest with kisses again. He started to nip and suck at my most tender areas, driving me absolutely crazy. I'm kind of glad he didn't listen to me about the whole kill joy thing. No, this was much better than that. I would have gone to bed severely disappointed, had he actually listened to me.

The primitive side of me kicked in as I began to shed the rest of both of our clothes, and he kissed his way down my body. I had taken control a few times, but this time felt different from the rest; my body was being impatient with me as I shoved him towards the ground splashing mud up towards my naked body.

He looked a little confused when he landed flat on his back, but I put his questions to an abrupt halt. I crawled over towards him and started slowly kissing at his hip bones, working my way slowly towards his length. He was more than ready for me as I gripped him with one hand and ran my tongue persuasively up and down.

A moan escaped his lips as his hands moved desperately to find something to grip. My head was bobbing as slow as possible up and down hoping that he was enjoying himself, even though no one could really doubt the sounds that were coming from him were sounds of pure ecstasy. I wanted to feel him completely when he released so I halted again and began trailing more kisses until I was successfully straddling him and passionately kissing his mouth again.

His hands dug into my hair, and his lips silenced my moan as he slipped inside me. I rocked back and forth feeling his thrusts and groaning for more. I moved faster until I could take no more and we fell in our orgasm together.

I lay on top of him allowing our breath to catch up to our hearts, that or allow our hearts to slow down with our breath…which ever came first. I felt Edward smile into my hair as his hands began running down the length of my body. I shuddered under the contact, his hands had a magical way of making my entire body tingle with each touch.

"We need to find our clothes and sneak back in."

"Edward, how do you think we'll get past Alice soaking wet and covered in mud?"

"Carefully."

I laughed and crawled off of him, searching for my clothes. The storm had picked up its pace, and the rain was pelting harshly off of my bare skin. I slipped into my clothes and looked around, noticing that Edward was already dressed and standing above me He offered me his hands. I took them and smiled up at his gorgeous form. I was looking forward to the shower we would have to take before bed tonight.


	13. Not You Again

**Disclaimer: I do not own the characters of Twilight. Stephenie Meyer does and she is oh so very awesome for letting me play with them. Thank you.**

**Not you again.**

"_Your birth is a mistake you'll spend your whole life trying to correct."_

I was not a mistake; Edward was not a mistake. What Edward and I did together last night was definitely not a mistake. I quietly pealed myself out from under Edward and stretched my arms around me letting out a relaxing groan. Today felt charged, like there was some sort of excitement buzzing in the air or maybe that was bacon. Yes, I smelled bacon…someone was being a kind heart and cooking breakfast.

Whoever it was would possibly get a giant hug from me whenever I got down there. I could smell fresh coffee floating up to my nose causing the weirdest sensation to cross my tongue. Heaven to me could be considered waking up next to Edward and having breakfast ready and waiting. Yes, that was the good life and I had no problems in participating with it.

I hopped out of bed, or well more like rolled quietly. I did not intend on disturbing the peace. I grabbed some clothes from my dresser and quickly put them on. My pajama pants hung low on my hips and my tank top fit me snugly. After brushing my teeth, throwing on some socks, and placing my hair into a high pony tail on the top of my head, I decided that it was time to make my way out of the bedroom.

It was only 7:30 AM, and normally I am not a happy morning person. Nor do I rise quite that easily out of bed, but again…I felt refreshed like the energizer bunny. Nothing was about to slow me down today. I was going to catch up on my work for a few hours, and then possibly make Edward take me out…That or I might even be generous and spend some quality outside-of-the-house time with Alice. I was in such a good mood I might even let her shop a little bit. Nothing like the mall; there was no way in hell I was going into a mall with Alice. I do not care how generous I was feeling…no fucking way. But maybe an outside of the mall department store.

I padded down the hall quietly so that anyone who may still be asleep could stay that way. No need for a bunch of noise and useless chatter to disturb my morning. Nope, I was happy to leave things as is.

I had just made it to the stairs and started my slow walk down them when the smell hit me. French toast, bacon, coffee and possibly eggs. It was hard to tell if eggs where involved because, well, they don't exactly have a distinct scent to them. An egg was just an egg if you catch my drift.

"What the…"

A loud shriek escaped my throat involuntarily as I lost my footing on the steps and my ass connected with the hard wood. I was supposed to be waking up to a great start…a good fucking morning and damn good breakfast. Not the stairs connecting with my ass and my heart literally pounding out my chest.

"What the fuck are you doing in my damn house James?"

"Good Morning Bella. Nice of you to be the first down."

"That doesn't answer my question."

"How about you stand up and finish coming down here…I'll explain over coffee."

"You really have lost your fucking mind. I am not coming near you. Now get the fuck out of my house."

"I can not apologize for being rude to you or Rose if you make me leave."

"James, listen to me and listen very carefully. You are not welcome here. We, as in Rose and I, do not want you here. You need to get your psycho ass out of my house and possible check yourself into a mental institution."

"Bella, I am not crazy."

I stood up on the stairs as James started to make his approach towards me. I was not having a rematch with this guy. Alice and Jasper's room were the closest to me. Maybe they would hear me if I screamed again. I didn't really feel afraid of this guy, but he has been slowly but surely proving to me that he was capable of more than I had given him credit for.

"James, stop right there. If you come any closer I swear to god I will…"

"You'll what? Knee me again? I have the advantage this time. Why can't you just fucking play nice and let me cook Rose breakfast? Why do you always have to ruin everything?"

"Dude, you are fucking nuts. Get the fuck out of my house."

"You still haven't told me the 'or else'."

I was not going to say another word to this weirdo. I began taking slow steps backwards making my way back up the steps. No one had come out of there rooms yet, which was starting to disturb me. I hope he didn't kill any of them in their sleep; at least I knew Edward was safe where I left him. I would just have to get back to him, and hold the door shut while he got dressed. You know, just in case.

The smoke alarm started to go off in the house; I could smell the bacon starting to burn on the stove. Asshole could not turn the stove off in his attempt to kill me? No, he wanted to try and burn the whole damn house down. I wonder if he knows how much time his precious Rose put into redecorating the kitchen that he was about to burn down. She would kill him herself if she would just wake the fuck up.

I thought of screaming for help, but I kind of felt self-conscious about the whole thing. I didn't want to be so cliche as to scream for help like they do in the movies. No, I was normally the one watching those movies telling the television, "Run, bitch, run. Don't turn around."

I used to tell myself that, if ever put into that situation, I was going to be smarter than your average bimbo, and by the grace of fate I was going to do my best not bust my ass in the mean time. Girls always busted ass in those movies, and when they did, they normally turned around to watch the idiot run up to them. Nope, if I did fall, I was not looking. I was crawling away if I had to. Determination was all I needed to make my grand escape.

I braced my hands against the wall as James made his first step up the stairs; you could say this looked like a cat and mouse chase, and he appeared to be on the hunt for me as he took each step slowly and precisely. I managed to get me feet planted on the top step without incident. There was a plant sitting in a pot on a pedestal next to the stairs. It was my new found redemption. I grabbed the plant firmly in my hands and tossed it down towards James.

It smacked him in the chest and fell to the ground with a loud crash. I took opportunity of his stunned expression and hauled ass to my room where Edward was already stirring.

"What the hell was that noise?"

"Get up and get dressed. We have a problem."

"Ok, what's the problem?"

"James is in the house, and I think he's trying to kill me. That or make me eat his breakfast. Either which way, get dressed!"

Edward didn't ask any more questions. He began throwing on clothes in a hurry, thankfully, while I stood braced in front of the door. You know, just in case psycho decided to force his way into my bedroom. Edward tossed me his cell phone and told me to call 911. I didn't do that right away, though; instead I sent in informative text message to Rose and Alice. It was a false hope that they would wake up to the text and not leave there rooms unprepared for what was waiting for them.

I thought wrong because the next thing I heard on the other side of my bedroom door was a much distorted yelp from Alice. I really hoped that Jasper was awake with her because I did not know what I would do to James if he hurt Alice, let alone what Edward was about to do to him. No need to add fuel to the fire, and if this guy had any brains, he wouldn't try to find out. Though, I did doubt his brain capacity at this moment.

"Move away from the door. Did you call 911?"

"That was Alice. No time to argue, Edward."

I moved away from the door, but only long enough to throw it open and step out of the room. I held the phone in hand and began dialing for much needed police assistance. The first image I saw was Alice pissed off, hair a mess, with a fist-full of James's hair closed tightly in her little hand. Jasper was pulling on James's back to get him away from Alice, but the more he pulled, the tighter Alice gripped onto his hair. It looked like a strange and painful tug of war.

"911. What's your emergency?"

"This idiot broke into my house, and he's attacking me and my sisters."

Of course the woman wanted more details…I never understood 911 operators, I know that they needed to know the emergency, but what good would it do to explain the details to them? Did they need the details to send the police? And when the police actually arrived, wouldn't I need to explain the story over again about a million times for each report that had to be filed?

The smoke alarm was blaring down stairs, and the smoke was beginning to drift upstairs towards me. I thought quickly and advised the woman after telling her what happened as quickly as I could that we may also need the fire department. Better safe than sorry, I guess.

Edward made swift movements and pulled with a considerable force against James leaving Alice against the wall with a fist-full of his blonde hair. Edward had James by the throat, and as I thought that I had seen him angry before, I had never seen him with this much fury flashing through his eyes. It was scary and hot all at the same time. Something was wrong with me.

"Edward, don't hurt him. The police are on their way."

"What do we do with him?"

I looked over at Alice and shrugged my shoulders. The woman on the line was not being much help at all. I would rather sit here and listen to hold music; it sounded more appealing than her wheezing on the other line.

"Hey Jasper, go and get Rose and Emmett. Make sure they are awake and shit."

I couldn't tell if Jasper looked more pissed off at James or at me for asking him to leave the situation. I ignored him as he walked past me and down the hall to Rose and Emmett's room. James and Edward were exchanging manly threats as I looked Alice over. I didn't see any bumps or bruises, nothing warranting death for James just yet.

Her fist had not yet let go of James's hair, she gripped onto it like it was a lifeline. A victory if you could call it that. Alice was a very strange little pixie. For all I knew, she would keep the fragments of his hair and make a little doll to further add to his torture. On that note, have you ever sat back and wondered who the crazy person really was? You know, it's either the person who is thinking that someone might be capable of doing these things or the person who actually does them. I am beginning to think that Alice and I are on a whole other level of crazy.

"What the fuck is going on out here?"

I turned to see Rose and Emmett stomping down the hall with a smug Jasper following behind. Figures he would instigate this further.

"Rose, the police are on their way; don't worry."

"Oh, I am not worried. This little shit better be pissing himself with worry. And what the fuck is burning down there?"

"Well, little shit decided to cook you breakfast. I interrupted his love fest for you."

"Gross. Emmett get your ass down stairs and turn off the damn stove. Jasper go make sure he doesn't burn himself in the process."

"Awe, but Rosie I want to stay up here with James."

I absolutely adored the mischievous look in Emmett's eyes. He was angry, absolutely pissed off, but he still managed to whine like a five year old to Rose. It was another reason why earlier last night I chose Emmett as my favorite brother. No matter what crime he could, or possibly would, commit he would still act like a five year old and whine about it.

"Fine, you take over for Edward. Edward, get your ass down stairs and make sure my house doesn't burn down."

Edward didn't look like he really wanted to move; I'm sure, no wait, positive that he was enjoying holding James by the throat against the wall. He didn't stand a chance against Emmett's strength, and Emmett made it very known that he was willing to take over. Rose stood in her bathrobe tapping her foot angrily as Edward, Jasper, and Alice took off down stairs to prevent the house from burning down.

James made an attempt to lunge away from Emmett probably giving himself a concussion as Emmett slammed his head against the wall roughly. James's body crumpled to the floor as Emmett chuckled to himself. He was having way too much fun with this.

"Ooopppss."

"Emmett I said hold him, not knock him out."

"Sorry, babe; it was an accident."

"Yea, right."

"Don't believe me?"

"Nope."

"You know me too well."

Enough with the emotional 'I love yous'; this is so not the time for that crap. I heard the knock at the door signaling that the police had finally arrived. I made my way down the stairs while Jasper and Edward stood at the door talking to the police. I was given some pretty skeptical looks as two of the officers brushed past me and went upstairs most likely to get James. I hope that he will be in jail for awhile after this incident.

The stove was turned off, and Alice was running around unlocking the windows and opening them to air out the house. I decided that it would be best to stay occupied so I began helping her run around the house and open windows, doors, and turning on fans. The smoke was a lot to take, and my eyes started to burn slightly.

As we were undoing the complicated latches to all of the window locks, I started to wonder the one question no one has yet thought to ask. How in the hell did James get into the house? We had this place locked up like a prison. There was no way, well obviously there was a way being that he was in here cooking breakfast, but there should have been no way he could get in the house undetected.

"Mrs. Cullen, may we speak with you?"

I jerked my head to the side to see a tall man in a uniform standing behind me with a pen and pad in hand. I was not really surprised that he wanted to speak with me, I was the first person to see James in the house. And I was also the person to call the police to the house.

"Sure, is right here ok?"

"Actually, could we step outside?"

"That's fine. Follow me."

I walked the officer towards the back door, assuming that they did not want to have a group conversation at this moment. I watched enough crime TV to know that they typically questioned each person individually to make sure that there stories matched up.

Once we were outside I took a seat on the back porch, and the officer stood in front of me. I felt like I was about to be interrogated, but I pushed that aside so that I didn't throw up my defenses when they were not needed. This was not the time to pull attitude with a cop.

After telling and retelling this cop the story over and over and over again, I was starting to slightly get annoyed. What more information did he need? Couldn't he pull up previous reports to find out the additional information that I have already told them? I had to open my big mouth when he asked about when this all started. Yea, I was too honest for my own good; he wanted more details on the plane accident and the prank. Jesus, I hope I wasn't getting anyone in trouble.

"Ron, before I answer any more of your questions, I'm thinking I want to call my lawyer. You're asking a lot right now about past incidents that should be on file."

"This is just standard procedure, Mrs. Cullen. I assure you that you are fine. We just need to build a case against him."

I'm not saying that he should leave, but you can bet your sweet ass I am thinking it. He was making my healthy dose of paranoia sky rocket. They had pulled James out of here and drove off with his crazy ass, like, two hours ago. Edward was practically pacing the back door waiting for me to walk through it, and this asshole was still asking me the same questions over and over again.

"May I at least call my lawyer? You know a quick phone consultation? I'm sure there are other people in that house you need to speak with."

"I guess that will be fine. Let me know when you are off the phone. I will be in the house. Could you tell me which one is Rose?"

"Yea, tall beautiful blonde who is probably standing next to a big dude with short hair."

"Um, thanks."

"Welcome."

I waved him through the house and let out a long, much needed sigh. He'd be much cooler if he were me, but unfortunately for him he is not. Therefore, he is lacking in the cool points area. Poor schmuck.

"Hey, Bella. Are you okay?"

I looked up to see Edward standing in the doorway; I waved him over with my hand, and he closed the door as well as the distance between us. He picked me up in a bone-crushing last-time-I-am-going-to-see-you type of hug and let out a long sigh. He must have missed me, which means that my cool points just went up another notch. I was now terminally awesome; I'd have to create a new scale for all the cool points I had.

"I'm fine. I'm about to call Laurent. That guy is asking a lot of questions from the plane accident to the prank."

"What did you tell him?"

"Everything. You know I have problems with lying. I start to stutter and shit."

"Well, he's talking to Rose right now."

"I know…I had to push him off on someone so that I could call Laurent."

"Well, he looks kind of impatient with Rose and Emmett right now; you might want to hurry that phone call along."

"Yea, I am. So how do you think he got into the house?"

"I'm thinking that when Rose and Emmett came home all late and drunk they forgot to lock the front door behind them."

"Well, I guess that would make sense, huh?"

"It seems to be the only way. But Emmett and I are going to be installing a security alarm on the house. There is no guarantee that James will be locked up for any period of time so we want to make sure you girls are taken care of."

"This is a prison."

"It's for your own safety."

"It's for Roses safety. I don't have stalkers. I just have encounters with her stalkers."

Edward smiled slightly into my hair as he released me, and I began dialing Laurent on his cell phone. I had not yet given it back to him after he threw it at me to call 911. His phone was much nicer than my own, which reminded me that I really wanted a new cell phone.

The phone conversation with Laurent didn't last very long. I briefly explained the situation, and he hung up stating that he was on his way. I liked this one; he got straight to business. It does help that my step mother pays him a lot of money to make sure we are taken care of.

"What did he say?"

"He is on his way."

"How long do you think he'll take?"

I chuckled to myself as the door bell rang signaling the arrival of Laurent. He must have been close by. I'd hate to see the ticket he'd get if he got pulled over driving at whatever speed it took him to get here that quickly.

Edward shook his head and grabbed my hand; I trailed behind him into the house as Jasper let Laurent in. He was in a suit carrying a brief case, and his demeanor read that he was here to handle some business. Once Charlie found out about this, he was going to shit a brick. I'd let Rose handle that phone call; it's technically her fault anyway.

Once Laurent showed up, the conversations moved by quickly and smoothly. I felt less like I was being interrogated, and I swear that the cop was scared of Laurent, which he really did not come off as that scary of a guy. After the rounds of questions, Laurent followed the cop outside, questioning him on the future proceedings and reminding him that we were pressing charges against James. Like any of them would need reminding. Rose kept telling the cop that she wanted him to be locked up for the rest of his life. I would settle for a mental institution; he'd probably be raped and killed in the actual prison system. I was not that cruel, at least I don't think that I am.


	14. Cave Man

**Disclaimer: I do not own the characters of Twilight. Stephenie Meyer does and she is oh so very awesome for letting me play with them. Thank you.**

**Cave Man**

"_Sure, God created man before woman, but then again you always make a rough draft before creating the final masterpiece."_

I don't think I ever looked back on my life and asked myself why things happened. I don't think I really even wondered why they happened. It seems to me that people who ask the question 'why' are unsure of the steps they took; maybe they are harboring a little regret. I don't regret anything that led me to where I am today; I just take everything in stride, you know, one breath at a time and all of that jazz. I let the puzzle pieces fall where they need to be, and the end result is my life.

I'm not a control freak by any means, and I think now that I look back on everything that has been happening to me over the last few years and I've handled myself well in each situation. With the drama, and the accidents, and the constant need for something more, I built myself up an anxiety bubble. I live in that damn bubble, and somehow I still manage to stay alert and from what I can feel in control.

I like order, so this constant drama floating around right now needs to stop, and it needs to be fixed. The only problem is that I need to figure out the 'why' before I can figure out the solution. So I have to take something that I have never done and seek the answer. I am no philosopher; hell, I'm barely good at summarizing my ideas let alone dissecting them into questions that make any sense at all.

Jasper and Alice had decided on there way of leaving the drama behind. It was simple enough; Alice wanted out of the house and if Jasper didn't get out of the house, he was going to commit some pretty bad crimes. He had this weird way of picking up on emotions. With the emotions running crazy through this place, he was in turn driving himself crazy. So he packed up their suitcases and decided to take a vacation out on some resort. I couldn't tell you where exactly. I know they wrote it all down and placed it on the refrigerator with detailed instructions not to call unless an absolute emergency. Hell, I didn't blame them.

Edward and Emmett were off shopping for a home security system and Rose was probably out working on her car. I decided to stay in the house by myself reading and catching up on my work. It was the original plan to begin with, catch up on work and have a lazy day. It turned out not to be such a lazy day after all.

Now that I was caught up on my work, I opened a new Excel spread sheet and started dating everything that has happened since I met the Cullen's.. The drama started then, not saying that they caused the drama. If anything, having them enter when they did helped out a lot of things. I mean, crap; everything that happened probably would have happened even if they were not here. Instead there were extra hands and minds to help with each situation that was presented.

I had created an entire time line and even created scenarios of everything that has happened, and the only thing that I could come up with for the 'why' part of my question was that I was bad luck. It was me; I was the cause of all of this. Well, maybe not all, but I could link myself to each and every situation. This was a load of crap. I shut the lap top and set it down on the dining room table as I got up from my window seat and padded into the kitchen.

I could still smell the burnt bacon so I started lighting candles to help with the smell. I was really big into aroma therapy at one point in time so candles littered the house. Right now I was lighting up a warm vanilla sugar that I absolutely adored. I leaned in towards the candle to get a brief sniff of it when the door flew open and Emmett's booming laugh startled me.

I didn't exactly jump but I did lean in a little too far putting a black smoke ring around my nose and chin. Now, I looked completely ridiculous. I am going to have to make a mental note to clean the inside of every single candle so that the black smoke rings didn't cause me any more harm.

"What's so funny?"

"Well, now you are. What the hell happened to your face?"

"You did…"

"I did?"

"Yes, Emmett; you startled me when you came in. I was sniffing a candle, and now I have a black ring around my face."

"That's funny."

"If you think so; anyway, what did you guys buy?"

"Oh, just some stuff for the guys to install. No need to worry your pretty little head about it."

"Oh, so you are going all cave man on me now? I'd be careful how you proposed that idea to Rose."

"You're probably right about that. I better get to work; this is going to take all day."

"Uh huh."

I washed my face off in the kitchen sink and left to go find Edward. He had evaded me most of the day, only sticking his pretty little head in to ask if I was okay and depart again. Of course I was okay; he was such a damn worrywart when it came to me. I thought once I should fake an accident just to see what his face looked like, but decided against it when I figured out that I would probably end up hurting myself. Then I would be in trouble for making the attempt. It was not as funny as I thought it would be, and I'm glad that I decided against it in the long run.

"Edward?"

"Over here."

"Hey, you; what are you up to?"

"Helping Emmett with this security system."

"Sounds like fun."

There was an awkward silence that I had never experienced with Edward. He was standing outside on a ladder measuring something that probably didn't need to be measured after all. I didn't need to have his attention, but I would like a conversation that didn't include him asking how I was doing today.

"When do you think you'll be done with this?"

"I don't know; it's pretty complicated so it might take awhile."

"Complicated? Do you mind if I look at it."

"You probably won't understand it, but here."

Won't understand it? Did he think I was illiterate or something? I grabbed the directions from his hand and walked over to Rose, leaving him standing on the ladder waiting for me to return with his instructions.

"Rose, have you looked at this?"

"No, what is it?"

"It's the instructions for installing the new home security that the boys bought."

"Ok, so why do I want to look at it?"

"Well, the boys make it sound complicated, and they seem to think that it is too complicated for us to be able to help or handle on our own."

"Oh, they do, huh?"

"Yes."

I smiled mischievously to myself as Rose began reading the directions again. She had a look of determination in her eyes, and I knew that I was instigating something. Clearly Rose was the type of woman to not stand down to a man, and she was also determined to show any and all men that she can do anything they can just as well, if not better, than they could. My plan you ask? Well, I don't really have a plan, I guess. I'm just going to let the cards fall where they want to. I'll follow the leader and stand quietly behind giggling to myself over whatever destruction happens to occur.

"These instructions are not that hard to follow."

"They didn't look that complicated to me."

"Well, lets see how they do, and if we have to, we'll take over and show them how it's done. No need to steal there thunder just yet."

"So we are going to do nothing. I feel kind of insulted."

"I didn't say that we were not going to do anything about it. Get some chairs and something to drink. It's a warm day and I feel like watching them work now."

"I see where you are going with this. I'll get the chairs."

"Meet me on the front porch."

I nodded my head and smiled at Rose; she was becoming my favorite sister again. Her evil little mind was just as innocent as my own, and that's not saying much as far as innocence is concerned. I ran through the house grabbing two chairs and two glasses of water. Rose was already heckling Emmett and Edward when I got out there about what they were doing. Operation 'prove a man wrong' was in motion, and there was no stopping us now.

"You're doing that wrong."

"What do you mean I am doing it wrong? Do you even know what I am doing?"

"Of course I know what you are doing, Emmett."

"Rosie, baby; could you please just sit there and let us men work?"

I could feel the growl coming from Rose; he was so in the dog house tonight, and he didn't even know it. He should know it; hell, he should know better by now. At least Edward had the decency to keep his mouth shut on this matter. Nope; Emmett had no decency, and he had no filter. Therefore his mouth was wide open at all times. It's word vomit, I tell you, word vomit. He never knew when to put the shovel away.

"Come on, Bella; we need to go inside for a minute."

"For what?"

"Just follow me. You'll see."

I shrugged my shoulders and followed Rose into the house. Her determination to prove Emmett wrong was bordering on pissed-off insanity. Although I wouldn't put it past Rose to tie Emmett up and install the system herself, I am almost sure that she had another plan in mind. She wasn't exactly leading me to the shed for rope or anything.

We made it upstairs and she turned to face me, almost causing me to lose my footing and go tumbling down the stairs.

"Bella, could you please be more careful."

"Yes, ma'm."

"Do you remember the outfit I bought you to work on the car with me?"

"Yes."

"Do you still have it?"

"Of course."

"Good; go put it on. We'll be getting dirty soon."

"And how is that?"

"Well, with the rate these predictable fools are working at, soon there male egos are going to think that they didn't buy everything they need. So they'll want to run to the store to get the other stuff. You know, the stuff they don't need. We'll take over and have it done by time they get back."

"And how sure are you that they'll do all of that?"

"Bella, you do not need Alice to predict how a frustrated man is going to act. They are all the same in this department."

Rose playfully rolled her eyes at me as she turned on her heal, swinging her hair behind her back and walking towards her room. This operation was beginning to look like a mixture of work, fun, and something I don't even want to know about.

I did as I was told and got dressed into some clothe-like pants that supposedly repelled oils and such, a loose tank top, and a jacket that matched the pants. I grabbed my old mechanic's rag and threw my hair up in a pony tail. I looked like a prissy grease monkey, which actually kind of suited me well.

Once I was done getting ready to get dirty I stepped out of my room where Rose was waiting for me at the top of the stairs. She held a single manicured finger over her mouth and leaned towards the stairwell further. Obviously there was something she was intently listening too.

"What's going on?" I whispered as I joined Rose on the top of the stairwell; I was not stupid enough to lean over the stairs like Rose was. She at least had grace. All it would take is an attempt from me, and I would be rolling down the damn thing.

"It has already began. They are arguing over the size of the screws and the length of wire they purchased; they don't believe the kit came with enough. When they come in here, tell them we are working on the mustang."

I raised my eyebrows at her before letting my face absorb her response to my questioning eyes. My mouth formed a little 'oh' expression as I nodded and looked down at our outfits. Okay; so that was a tab bit clueless of me, but I got it within a few seconds of losing it. If that makes any sense at all, which it probably doesn't. Oh, well.

We trotted down the stairs pretending that we hadn't overheard a thing, and that we were just going to be working on the mustang to pass the time. I hope Rose had a plan in case one of them asked what we were working on. I had no clue; maybe I could tell them a tune up. Like the car really needed one, but still it was an excuse.

"What are you ladies dressed up for?"

"Don't you mean dressed down?"

"Nope. Dressing down is what Rose and I do before we go to bed."

"I don't need details Emmett."

"What? We're married; it's natural."

"Emmett shut up."

He chuckled at me as he patted my head and wrapped an arm around Rose. She was playing the innocent card all too well if you ask me. Even I was afraid of the anger she was going to spew on him once this project of hers was complete. And, if we go back to the drawing board, or my Excel spread sheet, it would be my fault. Again, things like this are always my fault. Maybe I could work on her, and she'll be in a playful I-told-you-so mood by time we were done.

"So, ladies; we are going to the store again. We forgot a few supplies to finish the installation system."

"Oh, really? And how long do you think you'll be gone?"

"Miss us already Bella?"

"Of course; I want to spend time with Edward alone today."

"I heard you two had plenty of alone time last night."

My eyes darted from a mischievous Emmett to a terrified looking Edward. He had better be terrified because he didn't know that Emmett knew and not because he didn't know Emmett would tell me that he mentioned it.

"Oh, yea? And how do you know about that Emmett?"

"Oh, um, you know what? We really have to go."

"Yea, I think you do."

Rose grabbed my arm as I was started to walk towards Edward. I didn't plan on any goodbye/drive safe kisses or hugs; nope, he just earned himself a giant smack on the back of his head from me. His ass can sleep in his own room tonight; my room was going to be occupied. What the hell is wrong with men? Do they have to talk about that crap? I kind of wanted to know what exactly he told Emmett, but then again, I probably didn't want to know so I decided not to ask.

Rose dragged me through the garage and up to the tool stand where she started sliding drawers open and closed pulling out screw drivers and ratchets. I noticed that she had even set out my old gloves to work on the mustang. Once she had her collection she moved towards the side of the garage and peered outside towards the front porch. The boys were just now loading themselves into Emmett's jeep and pulling out of the drive way.

"They're gone, let's get to work. Grab your gloves and bring these tools. I'm going to cut the electricity."

"Ok."

I hope she knows what she is doing. I'm pretty sure she was sure of herself; she would never set herself up for embarrassment, nor would she do anything to make herself look incompetent to a man. Let alone the man she was married to. Nope, all of my trust was riding on Rose and her ability to out-perform the other species.


	15. Super Woman

**Disclaimer: I do not own the characters of Twilight. Stephenie Meyer does and she is oh so very awesome for letting me play with them. Thank you.**

**Super Woman**

"_Anything you can do, I can do better. I can do anything better than you." _

It had taken Rose and me about an hour to hook up the system. Everything worked from what I could see, and now we sat on the living room sofa. We were dirty as hell, eating popcorn and watching the new security camera monitor the property from channel 2 on the television. We were waiting for the guys to come home and accept defeat.

"So after we tell them how easy it was to install, then do we make them take back all of the extra crap they're buying for no reason?"

"I haven't decided on that one yet, Bella; I think I may want to take my own trip back to the hardware store. I'm kind of wanting to look and see what they have for stone work."

"Stone work?"

"Yea, I want to see about adding something like a stone path through the back yard toward that big-ass tree."

"If you are going to create a stone path leading out there, then we should add something like a tree swing."

"Yea, I was thinking of making it more like a little picnic area, maybe a small table a few chairs and swings."

"Tree swing."

"Okay, Bella; we'll add your damn tree swing."

"Hey, look; the guys are pulling up the drive way."

"Good; the sooner we can rub it in there faces and then go shopping for the back yard."

"Are we going to change first?"

"Why? We'll just get dirty setting up the back yard stuff."

I screwed my mouth up just a little bit. How was this one operation turning into an all day improving-the-house activity? We stood up from our spot on the couch and moved towards the front door. Edward and Emmett had already climbed out of the Jeep and were unloading a ridiculous amount of bags from it.

"Hey, Babe; you better just load those bags into Bella's truck so that we can take them back."

"Take them back? Why the hell would we take them back? We need this stuff."

"No, you don't."

"And why don't we?"

"Because Bella and I already installed the system while you two manly-men were out shopping."

"Impossible."

I watched Emmett and Rose exchange looks briefly while Edward stared at me with a small grin on his face. What the hell was he smiling about? He took the bags he was holding and set them down on the ground next to Emmett and began his walk up the porch to me. I needed to resist the urge to either slap him or kiss him because he looked delicious, but I was still mad at him for spilling the beans about last night.

"What are you smiling about?"

"Am I in trouble?"

"Yes."

"I'm sorry."

"You explain yourself later."

"Can I tell you how gorgeous you look right now?"

"Nope; you can work on buttering me up later as well."

Edward laughed in my ear as he pulled me closer for a hug of sorts. I was going to remain stubborn and not hug him back so I kept my arms to my side causing him to laugh even harder in my ear. I'm really glad that I can so easily amuse him. I rolled my eyes as his contagious laughter got the better side of me and let a small smile escape my lips. He kissed me quickly on the lips as Rose grabbed a hold of one of my arms and pulled me towards my truck.

I found it funny how easily I lost track of everything around me when Edward was in my line of sight. I could hear Rose making fun of Emmett like an echo in the background, and I didn't really even notice that he had already placed everything in the back of my truck to go back to the store. Edward was like a freaking drug that deluded all of my other senses these days. I thought it was impossible to fall even farther into the depths of him, but he proved me wrong on that instance each and every time he came near me.

"Bella…did you hear what I just said?"

"Huh? Oh, sorry Rose; I was off in another world."

"Well, how about you stay in this world and pay attention.."

"Sorry. Shit, I can't help it."

"How did you ever get a license? You constantly drift off into your own little playground when you are driving."

"I have no idea; I guess I was paying attention when I got the damn thing."

"Anyway, I was just saying that we should make this quick; I am not near done with Emmett yet."

"Oh, yea; and what, pray tell, do you have planned for Emmett?"

"Oh, just a few more I-told-you-so's, and I might throw in a little bit of the I'm-better-than-you's."

"Sounds like fun."

"Oh, trust me, it will be."

I rolled my eyes as we pulled into the parking lot of Lowe's; I used to prefer Home Depot, then I would prefer Lowe's. I guess since the guys bought all of this crap at Lowe's I prefer them again. Although, I couldn't tell you if I switched my preferences from them recently. I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure even about that one. Which in turn, means that yes, I am still indecisive and inconclusive in matters of what I prefer..

It didn't really strike me that Alice would possibly be upset that we went home decorating shopping without her until we had picked out the tire swing, the two small Italian villa type tables, and the four small chairs to sit around the table. Rose had chosen a really large stone that was going to create our path from the back porch to the tire swing set-up. She had purchased enough to also create a stone patio wrapping around the tree.

I picked up a few tiki torches and figured that we could roll one of the grills in the garage over to the patio set up and have a nice little area for everyone to barbeque and hang out. Alice was either going to hate it because we didn't ask for her opinion or she was just flat out going to pretend to be all sad because we didn't wait for her. Alice considered shopping trips as gold, and you were to never go without her.

I was going to voice my concerns to Rose when I spotted some outdoor lighting from the corner of my eye. There were small little clear bulbs; on the box was a design of a tree with the lights wrapped around the limbs. It looked just like our tree so I grabbed a few boxes and ran back towards the check out line towards Rose.

"Hey, check these out?"

"I think you have been hanging out with Alice for too long."

"Too much?"

"No, just right."

"What are you trying to say?"

"That you are actually learning something from her."

"Is that a compliment?"

"Take it as you want."

"How would you take it?"

"Bella, I am already on Alice's level of superior decorating. You are the one who needs the help."

"So, then it's a compliment?"

"Sure."

"Why couldn't you say that you were rubbing off on me? I have known you longer."

"Because, Alice is the one who forces you to go shopping so that she can educate you on fashion and design. I couldn't give a shit."

"Oh."

"Yea."

Rose shrugged her shoulders and turned towards the cashier, who was ringing up our purchases. Once everything was checked out and Rose had gathered enough boys to unload all of the bags into the back of my truck, we headed back home. I don't know about you, but there was no way in hell I was going to be carrying all of those stones through the back yard. Nope, I didn't mind the bags, the little items, but I will be damned if I break my arm or my legs or, hell, my hip or my neck trying to carry a big-ass stone through the yard. Did I forget to mention the back problems that could stem from this? Well, in case I didn't I do not want to break my back either.

"Rose, you should make Emmett unload the stones as a form of punishment."

"What? And make him think that I need him for that? No thank you; we can do this, Bella. Back the truck up through the back yard. We can slide the stones out one at a time and just move the truck along the path."

"Rose, if this project of your's breaks any of my bones or scratches my truck I will be very pissed off at you."

"I know, but eventually you'll get over it."

Rose gave me a sickly sweet smile as we pulled into the drive way and turned the truck around. I had a very bad feeling about this; I don't know if I was more concerned for my truck or for my bones at the moment.

I was mentally kicking my own ass because it was me who started this; I instigated the all-too-powerful superwoman in her, and now I was the assigned side kick. This sucked big time for me. There wasn't even anyone else for me to brush this off on. Nope, I was stuck like chuck up a shit river without any paddles or any luck. Fate was against me right now.

I stopped the truck next to the porch and backed it up slowly, hoping not to hit anything. I made sure to check my mirrors several times before pulling my emergency break and hoping out of the truck.

"Bella, what are you and Rose doing?"

"Well, it's nice to see you too, Edward."

"It is nice to see you Bella, but I am still curious."

"Curiosity killed the cat."

"Thank god I'm human then."

"Awe, I thought you preferred the lion."

"Does not make me one; now could you answer the damn question?"

"Touchy, are we? Well, if you must know, we are creating a stone path to the tree and then a patio."

"You shouldn't be lifting those stones Bella."

"I know, and trust me, I could not agree more with you. But unfortunately it's comments like those that has Rose, the superwoman superhero, volunteering me as her side kick to prove to all men that we can do this without their help."

"Oh, I see."

"Do you?"

"Yes."

"Bella, stop talking to the enemy and get over here."

"Yes, master!"

I smiled at Edward as I turned on my heel and headed towards the back of my truck. Rose had the tail gate down and was trying to slide one of the cement slabs by herself. I could hear the glass sliding door open and then close shut. I assume Edward wasn't going to stick around and watch the show. I braced myself with both hands on the tail gate and lifted myself on to the bed of the truck. It would probably be easier if I pushed with my legs against one side of the stone while Rose held on to the other side. At least I think it will be easier; we'll see how it goes.

I pushed and she pulled, and eventually one stone landed on its side without scratching my truck and with Rose balancing it on its side. I climbed back down the truck and helped Rose roll the strange shaped slab into position. A gust of air floated up from the ground when the stone fell and I looked up to see Rose smile. I didn't really smile; I was happy we got the damn thing down there, but I was unhappy that we had nine more to lay for the path. That did not include all of the slabs for the damn patio area. Couldn't I just handle the lights and tire swing? Those two items didn't weigh a thing. Not to mention we had to assemble the chairs and the little tables for our patio.

I positioned myself back on my truck ready to start shoving the next slab out of the back of it. I heard the back door open and close followed by two familiar voices. They were laughing like little kids with glasses of water and chips in hand. Did they think this was a fucking show for them?

If I were in that position, I wouldn't let my girl do all that damn work. No, I would force my help on her. Instead, these two assholes found it hilarious to watch me suffer while Rose made me do her dirty work. Did she really think she was teaching Emmett a lesson by doing this? I wanted to fucking scream at all three of them.

But, I couldn't. Nope, I had to sit here and suffer in my own self-created mess. I truly am the definition of a masochist.

"Could someone please tell me what is funny about this?"

We had now spent two hours laying the stones for the path, and I had just moved my truck further into the back yard so that we could start on the patio. Edward and Emmett had not really let up on us. Well okay, Emmett had not let up on us. Edward was being decent. He got me water and asked if I needed anything while Rose pushed him away and ruined my chances to beg for mercy. Emmett was the asshole; he was probably just as stubborn as Rose was. I could tell that he didn't want to see her doing all the work. I could see it in his eyes, but he was being just as stubborn and waiting until Rose would crack and ask for help.

She wasn't going to crack, not mentally at least. I swear she had better pay for the massage I am going to need after all of this.

"Bella there is nothing funny about it. I'd help, but Rose won't let me."

"No, Edward is wrong. This is very funny. You women are too stubborn for you own good."

"Emmett, just shut up. If you would give me more credit for the brains I have, then we wouldn't be in this position."

"Rose, I love you for your brains and your beauty. I don't see the point you are trying to prove."

"Oh, you see my damn point all right. I don't need a damn man to help with things around the house."

"Sure you don't."

"Way to go, Emmett. What a way to make it worse for me."

"Bella, you can sit down; you don't have to help her."

"And I should sit back and watch her do it like you?"

"No. She should let me help."

"Whatever Emmett, go back to drinking your water and eating your chips."

I didn't mean to sound as sarcastic as I was sounding, but I obviously got my point across. Emmett and Edward looked at each other sharing one of those 'only a man would know' looks and then without question or argument from Rose started helping us push and pull the slabs off of my truck. Finally someone gave in. I don't know who it was, but I was very appreciative of the help. Especially when Edward took his shirt off so that he didn't get it messed up in the process..

It seemed to have almost become a competition between Emmett and Rose on whose team could get the most slabs laid out and who was faster. Edward and I were not participating; we took our sweet time moving the slabs while they huffed and puffed and glared at each other. They better have some great make-up sex after this crap; I, for one, was not participating in a round two with them.

"Finally."

I let out a long, drawn out breath and laid back on the back of my truck; we had unloaded the last slab as Rose claimed her victory over Emmett. He and Edward had moved fast and they probably laid out more slabs than us around the tree, but no matter how many they laid out, we still had ten ahead of them that we laid by ourselves. Rose made it a point to bring that up.

"What do you mean finally? We still have the tables, chairs, lights, and tire swing."

"Rose, I'm tired. Can it wait?"

"No, I want this done tonight."

"Why tonight?"

"Because I don't want to do it tomorrow. Let's set up the lights first that way we have lighting out here to do the rest."

"You're not kidding, are you?"

Rose simply shook her head from side to side as her and Emmett started the race back up. Emmett grabbed the tiki torches and started to position them around the patio area, Edward grabbed the tiki fluid and as Emmett placed one in the ground he would fill it up and cap it off. I moved as slow as possible pulling the lights out of the boxes and feeding them towards Rose. I could see the aggravation with my pace pouring out of her, but I couldn't help it. I was tired as shit and could use a hot fucking shower.

"Bella, can't you pick up the pace?"

"Rose, get me coffee and we'll talk."

"Would you settle for a Full Throttle?"

"What color?"

"Blue."

"Then yes."

"Fine, I'll be right back."

Rose set the lights down as I took a long sigh and stared at how the fire from the tiki torches being tested flickered off of Edward's sweaty chest. I was starting to have very good thoughts about him when I remembered that he told Emmett about last night.

I could refuse him; I was stronger now than when I was a hormonal virgin. Now don't get me wrong, knowing what I had didn't make it exactly easy, but it was easier than what I could imagine. Then again, it was better than I had imagined. You know what? We need to get off this topic; he's in trouble and that's that. Nothing else to say about it.

I tossed the unraveled lights down on the ground and stormed off towards the garage to get a ladder. The tree was taller than Rose and I so it would probably be a smart move to get a ladder to hang the lights with.

Once I retrieved the ladder and began dragging it towards the tree I noticed two things: one, why the hell was I dragging this ladder by myself? I mean come on, this was Rose's I-am-woman-hear-me-or-well-see-me-roar deal, not mine. And two, this thing was fucking heavy. Abnormally heavy. It took that split thought for me to stop in my tracks to turn around and look at the offensive ladder. There was no weights tied to the damn thing, which could only mean really one thing. I needed to exercise. That or my muscles were sick and tired of the work they had been put through today.

I let out a sigh and began my traitorous walk back towards the tree ladder in tow next to me. Rose was standing with the lights in hand silently waiting my return with a can in hand. That had better be my energy drink. And sure enough, it was.

"Here take the ladder."

"Why do we need a ladder?"

"Look, I understand that you don't want Emmett's help, but we at least need to enlist the help of a ladder to reach the top of the tree. If you want we can call the ladder by a woman's name."

"I know we can't reach the top of the tree Bella. I didn't plan on hanging the lights from the top."

"So you're saying that me getting the ladder was pointless?"

"Yes."

"I don't think so. I just hauled this heavy-ass thing from all the way over there, and we are going to find a way to use it. I don't care if we have to sit on the damn thing as we work."

The guys were chuckling in the background, already setting up the table and chairs while Rose rolled her eyes and handed over my drink. I dropped the ladder that Rose refused to use and opened my drink practically chugging down its contents. I was not only thirsty, but I was in dire need of the energy.

"So how much longer do we have on all this crap?"

"You didn't think it was crap when we were buying it."

"Fine, if it pleases you Rose, how much longer do we have on the creative, beautiful set up?"

"You don't have to be so sarcastic all the time."

"Just answer the damn question."

"Someone's getting cranky."

"Someone's being intentionally annoying."

"I am not."

"Do you really want to play that game, Rose?"

"Whatever, Bella; we should be done in a few minutes."

"That wasn't so hard was it?"

"Don't go there."

"Go where? I planned on sitting right here."

"Hey, Bella; could you come here for a minute?"

I grumbled a little when I sat up from my spot on the ground. I had been resting under the shade of the tree, watching Rose work on the lights. Edward was calling me over to where he stood with Emmett. Curiosity was not my best friend because it always caused me to do something I didn't really want to do. Like get up when I was tired.

"You need something?"

"Yes."

"And what is that?"

"You."

"Me?"

"Yes."

"You technically already have me. So why make me move?"

"Because you were all the way over there."

"So why not join me over here?"

"Because it was easier to have you come over here."

"That sounds like it was better for you than for me."

"Yes. Well, you're mad at me so if I am already in trouble, I might as well make it worth it."

"Worth it or worse? Because in my opinion you are just making it worse."

"You can't really be that mad at me."

"I can too."

"Doesn't seem fair."

"It doesn't seem fair that you made me get up and walk over there."

"Touché"

"Have a seat."

"Are the chairs safe now?"

"Of course they are."

I shrugged my shoulders and took a seat. Rose was wrapping up the last of the lights and silently wondered what we were going to do about plugging them in. A long extension cord running through the yard and up the tree would just look tacky. I'd mention it tomorrow. No need to go through that work today; we'd probably have to bury it or something.

Once everyone had taken a seat around the tables and silence had overcome even the crickets, I was able to appreciate the work. This was now a pleasant little area to come outside and sit. It had a perfect view of the setting sun, and as long a bird didn't land in the tree and poop on me, I'd be a happy camper out here most of the summer.


	16. Pixie Work

**Disclaimer: I do not own the characters of Twilight. Stephenie Meyer does and she is oh so very awesome for letting me play with them. Thank you.**

**Pixie Work**

"_I love talking about nothing. It is the only thing I know anything about."_

The week had been flying by me quicker than I would have liked. I didn't bring up the whole 'baby' conversation with Edward again. I am just going to assume that he was drunk and probably doesn't remember a thing. Renee had once told me that it is when someone is completely inebriated that they are truly honest with themselves and the ones around them.

That brought up another question that kept repeating itself in my mind, was I enough for Edward? If his true and honest opinion was that he wanted children in his future, would I care for him enough to give him that gift? If not, would he still truly want me? I had some serious mind-boggling soul-searching to do, and I was not going to be able to get any peace in this house to do it with.

Rose and Emmett had made peace later that evening; it took a lot of kissing and Emmett cooking steaks before she would finally give in that she did need a man around once in awhile. She was just as cave woman as he was caveman; again, they are perfect for each other.

Alice and Jasper had gotten home late last night, I knew they were coming in so I stayed up late watching bull shit on the television to pass the time while Edward played on his piano. His music was coming along nicely, and for the life of me I could not figure out why music was not his profession. I am sure that Carlisle had something to do with that decision, but whether it was his or his father's decision was beyond me. I thought a few times to ask the question but never really got the opportunity to do so.

"It's about time you came downstairs Bella."

"Good afternoon to you, too, Alice."

"It's a great afternoon actually. I have some news, and I want everyone here to talk about it. So far, you were the last to come down.."

"Well, you could have told me. I was just upstairs updating some stuff for work."

"How's the editing coming along?"

"It's the same old, same old, you know?"

"I don't know; you should elaborate."

"Well, I like it, but the stories are just the same thing over and over again with different names."

"How so?"

"Well, it's kind of like fashion. You know when someone decides that something is hot every designer hops on board and creates there own version of the design?"

"Keep going."

"Well, it's the same thing with the books. I'm having trouble finding creative books to read and edit. Not like I really get a choice in the matter, but it would be nice to enjoy reading what I am editing."

"I see; why not write your own story? Jasper tells me that you have a private collection that is pretty awesome."

"I don't want to kill my hobby. Writing would become work with deadlines. It's bad enough I am editing."

"I see. Good thing I won't have deadlines."

"You decided to sign the contract?"

"That's for the family meeting."

I followed Alice into the living room where the rest of my family appeared to already be seated and sufficiently annoyed. From the glares that were flying around, I knew that their annoyance was more with Alice than it was with me, thank god. I've had enough family torture to last me a damn lifetime.

"Take a seat, Bella."

"Yes, commander and chief of the house."

Alice giggled apparently not getting the sarcasm in my tone and walked towards the fire place as I took a seat next to Edward and Jasper. Jasper was probably the only one in the room not annoyed with Alice; he actually looked more annoyed that everyone else was annoyed with Alice . I didn't have any harsh feelings towards any of them. I would think that by now they would know what Alice was capable of and a little house meeting like this would be routine. Maybe I should stop thinking about what they should expect. Life is far more amusing when you just sit back and watch with a clear mind.

People have always reacted strangely, in my opinion, to the silliest things. Why cry over spilled milk? Sure, I throw little temper tantrums occasionally, but on the other hand, when I get used to something and I accept that there is no changing it, I just kind of sit back and accept it. That's all you can do; there is no need to use energy up on the inevitable.

"I'm glad you all could make it."

"We didn't have a choice."

"Emmett, shush. You always have a choice."

"You didn't give me one."

"Are you going to let me continue, or do you want to sit here all day waiting?"

Emmett rolled his eyes, and then he appeared to be deep in thought. You could practically see the mechanical wheels turning behind his eyes as he thought about Alice 's question. Did he really want to sit here all day just so that he can taunt her? I suggest he let her get on with this meeting. I have my reasons for impatience, one being that I am very curious as to what she wants to talk about, and two being that I really don't want to sit here all day and listen to them bicker back and forth.

"Continue."

Emmett must have used the smarter side of his brain. That or Rose had something far better than bickering with Alice on their agenda for today. Either which way, I'm tired of sitting here. I really want to shower and find something to do with myself. I have been working endlessly, and it's about time that Edward and I get out of the damn house.

"As I was saying, thank you for joining me. While Jasper and I were on vacation, we met up with a few people and decided to go ahead with the Volturi Fashion Inc. contract. Every legal matter has already been put into place, and I now have a few weeks to turn over some designs.. With that being said, I need your help. All of you actually. See a few weeks is not enough time for me to throw things together on my own and…"

"Hold it right there, Alice . I will not be subjected to Bella Barbie for a few weeks."

"But, Bella, it'll be fashionably educational for all of you. I need to have a mixture of designs. Therefore, a mixture of people. Please?"

" Alice …"

"Please?"

"How long are you talking about?"

"I'll need each of you for a few weeks. Not just for trying on clothes. I swear there is more to it than that. I'm not asking for you to design, but I do need help with the sewing machine and the material."

"Sewing machine?"

"Yes. As in the hunk of metal that you plug in and stitch clothes with."

"I know what the damn machine does."

"Then why ask?"

"Because, I do not use sewing machines."

"Better learn now than later."

A loud boom echoed through the house and practically shook the windows. I jumped up to my feet with a scowl on my face to see firsthand the stupid storm that was rolling through. Another boom followed by a cracking sound outside signaled the first signs of lightening with it. I thought today was going to be nice out, not rainy. This day was not going my way, and I suddenly found myself wishing to be anywhere but here. Or at least anywhere sunny.

"Damnit."

"See, Bella, now you can use this rainy day to help me out and then play later, when it's sunny."

"You'll let me leave on a sunny day?"

"Of course I will. You'll help me today since you have nothing else to do?"

"Is there a possibility of getting my part done in a day?"

"Maybe."

"Alright, I'm game. When do I start?"

"Wait just a minute."

Alice turned on her heel from the window to Emmett who was standing up with his arms crossed and a determined look on his face. Edward was smirking at me and waving me to join him back on the couch, which sounded like a great plan to me.

"What Emmett?"

"I think you should extend the same terms of the agreement you just made with Bella to the rest of us."

"Oh, so the rest of you want to give up your dreadful rainy day and work until there is sun again?"

Edward looked from me to Alice and shrugged his shoulders while nodding his head 'yes.' He had better say 'yes'. There was no way in hell I was going to be stuck with Alice on a rainy day in the house, probably confined to one room while everyone is relaxing or chilling out. I was slightly thankful as I watched everyone else with a similar reaction. This meant that I was not alone, and hopefully Alice would be more distracted with them to play Bella Barbie with me today. I could learn a sewing machine.

"This is going to be so much fun guys! You won't regret it; I'll go grab my designs so that we can get to work!"

There was an audible groan mixed with thunder and lightening as we all acknowledged our fate for the day. At least I knew that as soon as the sun came out, I was free to go. That wasn't too much too ask for. I made an attempt to stand up and follow Alice to her room so that I could help her carry whatever supplies down that she needed, but Edward obviously had other plans for me.

He grabbed my waist and pulled me down onto his lap while grinding his hips into my own. He wasn't being very subtle, and I am almost positive that Alice was not going to allow us to fool around right now. Jasper had raced up the stairs to help Alice and Emmett and Rose were in the kitchen getting drinks and snacks for our supposed fun filled day, which meant right at this very moment I was alone in the living room with Edward.

Not that I could really be too loud. Alice would be down any minute and Rose and Emmett could probably hear pretty clearly anything that we did in this room. So yea, that just left me teased and slightly frustrated with Edward in the living room.

"What are you doing?"

"I don't know what you are talking about, Bella."

"Edward, you do too. Alice will be down any minute; there is no time for that."

"Who said anything about that?"

"Then what was the grinding thing for?"

"I had an itch?"

"Very funny Edward."

"I am a comic genius."

"You wish."

Edward rolled his eyes and leaned back into the couch pulling me flat against his chest. He released one hand around my waist and started pressing buttons on the television remote while his hand started to slide from my waist to my thigh before making circular motions on the inside of my thigh. Yea, right. The asshole didn't know what he was doing. He was inflicting torture on purpose. Well, two could play at this game. I was not about to suffer in silence or alone.

No one had entered the living room yet, and Edward was still randomly flipping through television channels while rubbing circles on my inner thigh. I took a sly glance out of the corner of my eye to see a shit-eating grin plastered to his perfect face. It was my newest goal to make the most of this rainy day and remove that grin from his face. He was going to pay for this one.

I leaned further into his back allowing him to support my full body weight and took full advantage of the position of my hips against his. I was not planning on being as obvious as he was so I shifted slightly on top of him sliding a little further down and then back up again on his lap. He let out a small groan and shivered as I repeated the process while pretending to stretch my legs, effectively applying just the right amount of pressure.

He was about to move his hand a little north when I jumped up from his lap. I had to be quick because I knew that if he caught on to what I was doing, well, it was not going to be pretty for me to say the least.

"I think I'm going to go and help Rose and Emmett. Want anything from the kitchen?"

Edward's smile faltered slightly and I found it slightly amusing that he could smile and pout all at the same time. He shook his head no and reached his hand out to grab my own so I backed away with a smile, and headed for the kitchen. Teasing him more than he could tease me was going to be a difficult task.

"Okay, everyone. No backing out on our deal. When the sun comes up, no matter when that is, I'll let you go play. Until then, you are my own personal slaves. Got it? Does everyone agree?"

Alice was standing at the end of the stairs watching us all with knowing eyes. I could tell by the grin on her face that she was up to no good, but that was the deal I had already agreed to so I shrugged my shoulders, picked up my soda, and said, "Sure thing, Alice."

Everyone else followed suit and acknowledged her with a 'yes' or a nod in the right direction. I made sure to take a seat on the floor in between Rose and Alice not allowing any time or space for Edward.

"On that note, I have made a list of special tasks for each of you. I will pull you each aside and dress you accordingly for your specific assigned outfit. until then, just follow your list of instructions."

Alice began handing each person there own sheet of scented, glittery, pink freaking paper. I was thankful that my list was not as long as some of the others, but I am sure that had something to do with the fact that I could possibly get blood on her clothes if I was any where too close to scissors.

The first thing on my list was also my last. She put random things like smile, be happy while you work, and song suggestions to keep me motivated, but there was only one actual task. I was supposed to steam the material free of wrinkles. Did she really think that I was that helpless?

I looked around the room as Jasper assisted Alice in setting up the work stations, as she would call them, and I noticed that the never-ending stack of fucking material was taller than I was! How many clothes did this woman need to design? And the most important question of all was how in the hell was I going to stay awake to steam all the wrinkles out of all of that crap?

I crawled slowly over to my work station making sure that Edward was watching me the entire way. Once I was at my area I turned to see Edward barely inches from my face. My heart practically leaped out of my chest because I really didn't expect him to be that close to me. I mean, shit, I wanted him to look but not chase.

After my breathing returned to normal, he chuckled and placed a small kiss on my nose before standing up and moving to his work station where Alice had him playing with markers. Okay, well, not playing. He was to take her patterns and trace them over the material that I steam. Then he hands it over to Rose who cuts and Emmett is the pin cushion for Alice. I swear he must have done something recently to make her really mad because, well, she was using him as a pin cushion. Do I really need to say more?

Jasper was supposed to be helping me. At least that's what I assumed when he took a seat next to me, but he was also supposed to be helping Alice. She didn't really trust anyone with the one sewing machine she had here. The house was officially a sweat shop; at least the people stuck in sweat shops actually got paid. I was only promised a sun filled day outside.

Alice leaned over the couch and picked up the remote with a devilish grin on her face. Ah, so now we get to the part where she unleashes whatever hellish back up plan she has on us. I waited and waited as she clicked through the cable guide looking for a specific channel.

I turned my head just in time to see her turn on the Weather Channel, which, in case you have not figured it out yet, was the horrible re-layer of her real message. We would be working for, at minimum, a week straight on this shit! Rain, rain, rain, and more fucking rain has been predicted. Not just a small percentage, a big fucking percentage straight across the board.

"I want out of the deal."

"Nope; you can not back out now, Bella."

" Alice, this is not fair."

"You agreed to it."

"I didn't know the actual terms."

"I didn't either. So that makes us even. Don't you believe in fate?"

" Alice, don't bring my beliefs into this."

"Bella, I know you do; you can not deny it. And this was meant to be. Some cosmic force is saying, no wait, screaming how much help I need from you guys. I promise it'll be worth it."

I huffed a little bit and pulled the first piece of material off of the stack and started steaming. I would keep my mouth shut for now, but she better not fall asleep tonight, tomorrow or however long this shit takes us.

I glanced up through my eye lashes to see everyone working quickly with scowls on their faces. The idea needs to be the faster this gets done, the sooner we don't have to work on it anymore. I had at least ten sheets of material still waiting on Edward as he took his sweet time outlining everything. He would be the one who would slow us down, wouldn't he?

I was about to say something when he caught me looking at him and set the marker down. A strange smile graced his perfectly shaped lips as he took off his shirt revealing his muscled chest. I was in so much trouble this week.

"Edward, what are you doing?"

"I don't want marker on my clothes."

"Well, don't forget the pants then."

I winked at him and turned back to my work, replacing my scowl with a smug grin. He may be able to tempt me with his bare chest, but I could at least tempt him with the thought of losing more. Ladies and gentleman that would be at least two wins for me, in case you were not keeping track.


	17. Breathe

**Disclaimer: I do not own the characters of Twilight. Stephenie Meyer does and she is oh so very awesome for letting me play with them. Thank you.**

**Breathe**

"_A fear of heights is illogical. A fear of falling, on the other hand, is prudent and evolutionary."_

"Oh, my god, Bella. Shut up and look!"

"Wow, if that wasn't fucking rude as shit, Rose."

"Just look, dammit!"

Rose was bouncing on the living room floor, excitement pouring out of her eyes and a huge grin plastered to her face. I don't think that I had seen her this happy since I first met her and we were touring the new house together. She was happy then to be out of Forks, WA and away from parental figures.

I allowed my eyes to trail from her big smile down her arm, past her elbow, and to her shiny pointed little finger nail; which pointed towards a window outside. We had been locked in the house for two and half days. Within those two and half days, I had pricked myself in the finger with a needle at least two million times, I had burned my arm with steam due to my lack of concentration as Jasper so kindly put it, and I had tried on so many designs that I would rather run around the house naked than put any type of clothing on. I had not won against Edward; no, he was far to seductive for his damn good. I even tried kicking him out of my room, which really only made things worse for me. We called a truce last night and barely got any sleep; incidentally, neither did anyone else in the house supposedly.

Needless to say, the bright and shiny sun filtering through the window was my new savior. I was probably happier than Rose was at this very moment. Alice's prison sentence was over, and we were free at fucking last! My eyes were wide open as I looked from the window to Rose, back to the window, and over to everyone else quickly crowding around our side of the living room.

I could hear Alice's quiet giggle from across the room as she surveyed all of us staring out of the window and admiring the sun that was shinning through. Her projects were pretty much complete and ready to be shipped off today and somehow the evil little pixie had convinced us that we should partake in family board games once we were done. I'm sure you are all doing your happy dance just as I was when the news was delivered on which board games we would play.

"So are you guys going to sit there and gawk at the window, or are you going to get off your asses and escape while you can?"

I turned my head towards Alice and jumped to my feet. She was right; what the hell were we doing staring at the window like some crazed freaks for? We could be outside enjoying our new-found freedom. I was not sticking around; I didn't care who followed, but I sure as hell was out of this house.

I ran up the stairs and to my room so that I could change my clothes and grab my wallet. I didn't stop for caution when I approached the stairs, and unfortunately I did stumble on my way up. But it was nothing too embarrassing because I was able to catch myself each time I was about to fall.

Once dressed I headed back down the stairs and took my time with each step; it was harder to fall up the stairs than it would be to fall down the stairs so I was not taking any chances. I did not want to be in a body cast on the one sunny day I had seen in two days. There was nothing work-related to do, nothing Alice-related to do, and nothing Rose-related to do. It was just me enjoying the great fucking outdoors!

"Where do you think you are running off to?"

"Outside, out of the house, and many other things. Why?"

I turned to Edward who was standing with keys in hand, blocking the front door from my impending escape. I figured I'd be bringing him with me wherever it was I was running away to, but I didn't think he'd be brave enough to try and block me from that escape. Hell hath no fury and shit like that, you know?

"I have plans for us. Come with me."

"Where are we going?"

"Does it matter? We'll be outside."

"It might."

"Just come with me; it's a surprise."

"But I don't like surprises."

"Weren't you the one saying you wanted to try something new?"

"Yes, but I have tried 'surprise' before. I wasn't really fond of it."

"This will be something new."

"But it will still be a surprise."

"I'll carry you there if I have to."

"That's not fair."

"You're being difficult."

"So are you."

"Bella, we are wasting sun light standing here arguing. Do you trust me?"

"That's not fair."

"You seem to keep saying that. Just answer the question. Do you trust me?"

"Yes."

"Well then, what's the problem?"

"I don't like surprises."

"Look, you'll be outside in the sun. I can guarantee a good breeze, and it's something you're likely to forget. Plus, you can put it on your list of things to accomplish before you die."

"How do you know what my list is?"

"You talk in your sleep."

"Again, not fair."

"Are you coming?"

"This had better be worth the surprise."

"Time with me is always worth it."

I was going to mention something about his ego but decided to end the argument there. I could always pick it back up later if he needed a good verbal lashing; as far as I could tell right now, he was just trying to surprise me, which I guess in most people's books it didn't warrant death or anything. I could play along, I guess.

He was driving a little too fast for my taste, and I found it almost mesmerizing how well he did it. Maybe he should stop looking into jobs at hospitals and possibly look into making me his redneck wife as he pursued a career in race car driving. That might be fun; I should mention it to him.

I grinned as I turned up his radio and made a mental note myself to bring that conversation up later well after I spoke with him about his ego issues. Both of those I am sure will be fun conversations to have.

"So why are we attempting my before-I-die list?"

"Well, I figure if we get all of the before-we-die things out of the way, you might want to have that conversation about future kids."

"You weren't too drunk to forget that one, were you?"

"I forgot nothing that happened that night."

"I still don't want to have this conversation."

"I know, and we're not having that conversation. You asked my intentions. I'm simply going to hope for the best when we have completed these little things."

"You know, you're playing with a pretty big fucking list, right?"

"I've got time."

I rolled my eyes and took off my seat belt as Edward pulled the Volvo into a somewhat empty parking lot. It appeared to be fair grounds of some sort. I know for a fact that going to a fair was not on my list of things to do before I die. I had already been to a fair and puked all over Jacob when we were kids. I got sick to my stomach from that tea cup ride, and then he had to want to go on the stupid Ferris wheel. I am terrified of heights, so needless to say, it did not end well for him.

Now that I look back on it, I'm not really that upset that I puked on him. I'm actually kind of glad I did. Take that asshole! He eventually deserved it, whether it was then or later, he earned it.

"You know, I have already been to a fair."

"This is not just any fair; there is a special attraction."

"Oh yea? And what's so attractive about it?"

"You'll see."

"We're here, and you still won't tell me?"

"Nope, and I am actually going to need to blind fold you now.. You already know too much too soon."

"I do not think that is going happen."

"Remember, Bella; I will use force if needed. Just cooperate, and no one will get hurt."

"Easy for you to say."

"Do you trust me?"

"I think we have already been through this."

"Then why won't you just cooperate?"

"It's difficult."

"Well, I guess this is the first step to working on complete and total trust."

"Who says we need to work on our trust?"

"You do."

"Talking in my sleep again?"

"No."

"So then what?"

"I guess it's nothing really. Look, stop distracting me. I need to blind fold you now."

"Trust, huh?"

"Yep."

Edward slipped the blind fold over my eyes and tied it so tight that I could not even see a flicker of light between my eyes and the black cloth covering them. He stood behind me and guided me by my shoulders, telling me when there was a bump in the road and rock on the ground that I needed to miss. I hope that I don't fall and bust my ass; that would suck.

I could smell the dirt kick up from beneath my feet, and I could hear chatter in the distance. You know, it is true what they say; that when you cut off one of your senses the others work over time to make up the distance on what you are lacking. I had only been blind folded for a brief time, but I felt like I could already hear and smell better than I had before. At least I think I could; it could also be that I was hungry, and I am almost positive that there was a hot dog stand close by.

We came to a stop, and Edward had released his hold on my shoulders and was now speaking quietly to another man. I could not for the life of me make out exactly what they were saying, but I did hear a register so I assume whatever this adventure was, he was already paying for it. I really had no choice in the matter, but I sucked it up and put on my big girl panties. He wouldn't let me hurt myself, and I had to prove that I trusted him with my life. Stupid boys and their stupid mind tricks.

"Ready?"

"I guess; although I have no idea what I am ready for."

"Good."

Edward took the lead again and glided me forward, stopping on some sort of platform, I would assume. There was a strange echoing noise as I stepped on to it. A musky smelling pair of hands started lifting one leg at a time securing something around my waist and arms. It felt kind of like a harness or something which was really starting to scare me. There was nothing that I could recall on my list of things to do that required a harness.

Don't they normally use those things for safety anyways? And I know for a fact that I am not clumsy enough to need a harness on a flat and stable surface, although I am sure that is up for debate.

"Edward, I am starting to get really nervous."

"Just trust me."

"I trust you with my entire life, but why do I need a harness?"

Edward chuckled slightly as I heard the last few snaps of what I assume to be buckles for this contraption wrapped around me. The same musky set of hands guided me this time onto a different metal sounding platform, and then I heard what sounded like a metal gate closing.

My heart was beating erratically out of my chest as what I assume to be an elevator of sorts roared to life. I could feel the strength of the slight breeze pick up and my heart dropped to my stomach. I was terrified of heights, and there was now no doubt in my mind that whatever we were doing involved me being somewhere higher than I should be allowed.

"Bella, it'll be okay; just breathe."

Easy for you to say. I didn't even realize I wasn't breathing. I took a long breath after that comment. Last thing I needed was to pass out from lack of oxygen. That would be embarrassing.

"Can I remove the blind fold now? It might be better if I can see what we are doing."

"Bella, I don't believe you are ready to take off the blind fold yet. We are almost there, and then we will take it off."

"Edward, we just keep going up. What do you mean almost there."

"You'll see."

"Maybe I should just leave the blind fold on."

Edward was chuckling again, and let me tell you, now was not the time to find humor in my situation. He wouldn't be laughing when I ended up throwing up on him. For the sake of his good time, lets hope that whatever this thing is it doesn't go in circles.

The elevator came to a jerky halt as Edward wrapped his arms around me and kissed my forehead. What was the kiss for? Normally, I would think nothing of it, but in my given circumstance, I was going to question every single thing that was going on at the present moment as if it had some sort of hidden meaning.

"Are you ready?"

"Nope."

I could feel the warmth from his breath on my face as he slowly started to untie the blind fold. As soon as my eyes were free from there constraints, I took in another sharp breath because I swear my lungs were going to collapse. We were high enough that the people below looked like tiny little ants. I am sure that getting over my fear of heights was not an issue. I had no need to get over it; I was completely fine with staying as low to the ground as I possibly could.

I closed my eyes and started humming to ease the situation for myself. What the hell was he thinking bringing me all the way up here? Didn't he say I would enjoy this? Didn't he try to hint that this would be remotely fun for me? Was he out of his damn mind? Of course he was, that would be the only logical reason. That would be the only reason this would make any fucking sense at all!

"I've seen what you want me to see; can we go down now?"

"There is only one way down."

"Then hop to it, buddy."

"That would be the way."

"What do you mean that would be the way? You really have lost your fucking mind!"

Edward laughed again before turning my body to a new direction and placing his hands softly on my hips. He was in so much trouble right now, he has no idea. He better not go to sleep before me tonight.

"Bella, it's either you or me first. Which one will it be?"

"And I have to go alone!"

"Bella, it's not that bad. Open your eyes."

"No."

"Open your eyes Bella."

"I refuse."

"So you want to jump blindly?"

"Who said anything about jumping?"

"Bella, there is a safety net."

"I don't care; have you looked at my lucky track record? Well in case you haven't, I'm not very fucking lucky! Are you trying to cash in on my insurance policy?"

"Bella, I wouldn't let anything happen to you."

"So says the man trying to make me jump from a very high place."

"There is a net and a harness."

"Harness shmarness, and what if the net breaks?"

"It will not break."

"I am the reason things go wrong, Edward."

"No you are not; now will you stop being a baby and open your eyes?"

"Baby? You think I am being a baby? Tell me Edward; are you even afraid of anything?"

"Yes."

"And what would that be."

"Plenty of things."

"Like what Edward?"

"How is talking about my fear going to get you down?"

"Just answer."

"I am missing the resemblance."

"There isn't any specific resemblance here; just tell me."

"Fine, my biggest fear right now is losing you."

"Wow…that's…"

"Corny. I know, but it's true."

"Well Mr. Negative, I was actually going to say sweet."

"Oh, well now do you believe I wouldn't let anything happen to you?"

"I still do not see the point in jumping."

"How about the fact that's it's the only way down."

"Why can't the lift thing just take me back down?"

"Because you need to jump."

"I really don't want to, Edward. I am afraid of heights."

"I know that; just trust me. It'll be fine, and you can mark this off on the list. If you do not like it, we'll never do it again."

"Only way down, right?"

"Right."

"You jump first. Test the net and all that jazz."

"Ok."

I was a little shocked by his admission earlier, and now he was a little too willing to jump first and test the net out for me. Then it struck me. What if his weight on the net was fine, but maybe his weight loosened how tight the net was. Should I jump first then?

If his greatest fear was losing me would I really be so selfish as to want him to go as my test subject? No, I wanted his safety just as much as I wanted my own. I would let him jump first, not so that he could test the net but so that it didn't loosen after my jump. I weighed less anyways; surely any little net could hold my weight.

I was beginning to completely forget the fact that I was hundreds…no wait, millions of stories high in the sky and about to jump off of a shaky platform. My mind was focused on making sense out of who should jump first and who was safer when they jumped. I didn't even have time to voice myself before the sudden kiss on my cheek signaled that Edward was now jumping.

I was about to return the kiss, but my feet would not catch up with the rest of me. The next thing I knew he was falling backwards through air, time, space. My heart leaped back into my chest, and I nearly jumped off after him from the shock. Instead, the instructor who was left up here to watch me, or I guess instruct me, held me by my shoulders as I leaned over watching and making sure he landed okay on the ground.

"Alright, Miss; it's your turn."

"Is the net safe?"

"We've never had an accident."

"That's good to know; always a first time for everything."

"No one could have that much bad luck."

"Ha! Nice to meet you, I am the worst luck."

"You got yourself a pretty good guy. Could that really be unlucky?"

"You didn't see how I got him. I am really thinking he got me, poor Edward."

"You're too hard on yourself."

The instructor waved off my comment and began wrapping a nylon rope through my harness and around my waist. He strapped a helmet on top of my head that felt more awkward and uncomfortable than it did safe. Oh well, right? The only way off was down, and now my Edward waited for me down below. I just needed to remember safety and focus on something other than the fact that I was extremely high off the ground. I could barely even make out his bronze head weaving around down below. I actually didn't even think that they had jumps this high. How is this safe?

"Alright, you are ready to go. They are ready for you down there, so off you go."

"Real quick, how are you getting down?"

"That's for me to know and for you to find out, little lady. Now, stand over here and bend your knees. Use your legs muscles to push you off, and try to remain as still as possible when falling. You don't want to twist around and land funny."

"Land funny…stay straight…right, I got you."

"Good, now go."

I did exactly as I was told; I bent my knees slightly used my leg muscles to push off. Next thing I know, my body is sailing down beneath the wing and the rush of the air was making my hair smack me harshly across the neck and on my cheeks. I closed my eyes and pictured myself anywhere but falling. It was useless; I didn't feel the need to throw up, but I couldn't feel my heart beating either. I swear on everything that my heart stopped and then began beating erratically trying to climb out of my chest as soon as I hit that damn safety net.

I squeezed my eyes closed tighter and took three calming breaths before moving my hands around my body to make sure that everything was still attached and in its correct location. When I finally opened my eyes I was staring straight up watching the lift slowly make its way down. That guy didn't have to jump. The only way down, my ass.

I had glanced out of the corner of my eye to see more instructors waving me on to crawl around the net and get off. I just hand a life changing moment; couldn't they give me a fucking second? I rolled over and climbed off of the damn net and into Edward's embrace. He was smiling from ear to ear, possibly thinking that he had won the war. He may have won this battle, but the war was far from over.

"You're alive."

He had a mischievous look in his eyes as he stared down at me still smiling like he had just proven my fear of heights to be pointless. I was not feeling it, so to speak.

"You are more evil than Alice is, you know that?"

"I am far from Alice's level of evil, Bella. She does things for personal gain; I am simply trying to help you out here."

"Oh, really? And you have nothing to gain from this?"

"Maybe, but only in the long run. It's not a sure thing, just a hope I have."

Hope, he said. He fucking hoped. So all of this mindless torture was going to be because he wanted to have a kid, and he wanted me to push it out to him. Well, I could handle a little torture. I was not giving in so easily, and I certainly was not giving him up. I was selfish in my own little way.


	18. Personal Renovations

**Disclaimer: I do not own the characters of Twilight. Stephenie Meyer does and she is oh so very awesome for letting me play with them. Thank you.**

**Personal Renovations**

"_A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools."_

Let me fill you in. I have been silent since I got off of the damn net. Of course, like the girl I am, I ran into Edward's arms, and then I slapped his chest. I have not spoken to him since. Silent treatment is my only option right now. Even as we are driving in the car he, is laughing at me and talking to himself because I refuse to talk back to him. That was not cool on any kind of level; the pure insanity of jumping from a perfectly good place is terrifying, let alone making your wife jump from a high place because you want to have children. I was at a loss for words for him.

I tried things like turning up the radio station and glaring at him to drown him out, but he just laughed even more claiming that I am cute when I am angry. I can not wait to show him cute when we are at the house.

Speaking of the house, we are currently pulling into the driveway and, low and behold, the evil little pixie is at it again. There are people everywhere wearing construction hats of all sorts running around my house with lumbar. What the fuck is she doing this time?

"Oh, Bella, Edward. It's nice of you to come back home. Did you enjoy your jump?"

"How did you know about the jump, Alice ?"

"Ah, she speaks!"

I glared again at Edward as I pushed past him towards Alice. She had better have a good explanation for the hammering and demolishing of my house.

" Alice, could you please tell Edward that I am still not talking to him?"

"Sure thing. Edward, Bella is not talking to you."

He chuckled again before placing a kiss on my forehead and heading into the house. Did he not want to ask her why the hell all of these people were out here? And why the hell was I always left out of the loop? I was very irritable at this very moment, and the nonsense floating around this place was not helping one bit.

" Alice, why are all these people here?"

"Well, I figured that Edward would find that job soon so we'd all have to move then, and when that happens I am sure the house will be for sale. Don't you want to make money off the house when you sell it?"

"Alice, Charlie and Kim own the house, not us. And who said we were moving?"

"I already talked to Charlie, and he's fine with it. Come on, Bella; this place could use some renovation."

"I was fine with how the house looked before."

"I am sure you were, but you will be even more fine when I am done."

"How long is this going to take?"

"Maybe a month or so. Depends. I haven't decided if I want to add the columns in the front yet."

"What in the hell is wrong with your family?"

"Nothing is wrong with my family. What the hell is wrong with you?"

"I don't know; how about always being left out of the circle?"

"We don't tell you things because you get too worked up."

"I wouldn't get so worked up if everything wasn't such a damn surprise!"

"You would too, Bella."

"Would not."

"Are we really going to stand out here and argue like children?"

"Maybe."

"What's the real problem, Bella?"

"I do not know what you are talking about."

"Yes, you do. Just spit it out."

"Ugh, fine. Edward is crazy! He made me jump from a really high place to convince me to have children with him."

"Oh, I'd love a niece or nephew."

"Not the point, Alice."

"Then what is?"

"I'm afraid of heights."

"I think you are also afraid of children."

"I am not afraid of children."

"Then why not have one?"

"You know what; I do not see you popping out any babies."

"My career just started. Plus, Jasper and I are not married, and to top it off, he hasn't asked."

"So if he'd ask, you'd just go and get pregnant? What about the pain and nine months of crap."

"It's a small price to pay to have a little one of your own, I think."

"You wouldn't fit in any of your clothes."

"I get to buy new clothes."

"What if you do not lose the weight?"

"Liposuction, Bella. Think outside of the box for a change. Things are not so black and white."

"Things are very black and white."

"Whatever you say."

"If only it were that easy, Alice ."

She shrugged her shoulders and patted me on the top of my head, which was a small event for Alice . She had to stand on her tip toes to reach the top of my 5 foot 4 inch frame. I do not think I could ever get over how short she really was. I know she gets annoyed with how often she is ID for things, and people always comment on her height like she is some freak of nature. She was not legally a midget, but you'd think with the way she was treated, she was.

I took in another deep breath and headed into the house, dodging construction workers as I made my way in. Having this many people constantly around outside banging on things was going to take some real getting used to. Edward had ventured into the music room with his piano; I have no idea where everyone else was so I decided to head to the one place I knew as an escape from it all. My rooftop, and there had better not be anyone up there destroying it.

The afternoon air was slightly breezing, but nothing like the wind from a few hundred feet in the air. I could not begin to tell you why I was afraid of heights, yet I could sit on this rooftop and not bust my ass. I also could not tell you how I was able to scale the side of a building with Alice and not be afraid. Maybe it was the distracting circumstances; maybe my fear really was in my head, and maybe, just maybe, I was somehow drawn to stubborn stupidity when around Edward. I can not seem to escape the shit. There is something wrong with me, and as I sit hear going over everything in my mind, trying to make sense of the senseless acts that push me forward and confuse me more, I can come to only one conclusion. Edward is not crazy, I am. And to have to admit that, even if it's to myself, is completely unfair.

The sun was setting, and I was mentally kicking myself in the ass for being such a bitch all the time. My playful banter always ends up slapping me in the face at some point in time, and maybe there is a small justification to the way I act. But it is not warranted, and he deserves better. I should treat him better; I should want and need to give him everything he desires whether it is right this minute or in the future. Telling myself these things was a hell of a lot easier than actually acting on them but I could take one step at a time. Maybe surprise him that I can be the Bella he seems to think that I already am. It can not be that hard, right? Yea, we'll see.

"You must be really mad at me."

I jerked my head to the side of the roof where Edward was climbing up to join me. Did I look angrier than usual? I think I had come to conclusion that I was more mad at myself than I was at him. He had only tried to show me, what was it that he tried to show me? Conquer my fear and trust? That had to be it, maybe.

"I'm not mad at you anymore."

"Sure about that? I do not want to get too close and end up pushed off the roof."

"I'm sure."

I offered up my best reassuring smile as he inched himself closer and closer to me eventually he sat directly behind me and wrapped his legs around me pulling me back to lean on his chest. His arms wrapped around me, and I sighed into the comfort I had with him. I couldn't exactly push my internal debate aside so I chose a comfortable silence to finish up my own random babbling.

"So am I still getting the silent treatment?"

"No, I'm just thinking."

"What are you thinking about?"

"You."

"Oh, yea? Good thoughts, I hope."

"I guess you can consider them good."

"Why guess?"

"Well, they are not so good about myself."

"You shouldn't think badly about yourself."

"I said not so good; there is a difference between that and bad."

"Care to go into the details?"

"I have been thinking about it so much I do not know if I want to talk about it."

"Well, maybe if you talk about it, you won't have to think about it so much."

"Maybe."

I shrugged my shoulders as we fell back into our comfortable silence. Maybe telling him exactly what I was thinking would be my first step towards being the Bella he thinks I am. I do not know exactly what he sees, and I really don't want a look into his mind to find out. You know some things really should be kept completely personal, like an individuals thoughts. And that would include Edward. No matter how curious I was, I can only rely on his words and actions.

"Edward, let me start with I am not on my monthly, and I am not trying to be all emotional and crap."

"That's a good start, I guess."

I could hear the humor in his tone, maybe now was not the best time. Especially if he was in a joking mood; this was no laughing matter. I was on the verge of a mental and emotional breakthrough. Laughing would simply put me a step behind in the whole ordeal.

"Bella, you can keep going."

Is he reading my mind or what? I do not even know where to start. Normally when having a conversation like this with Rose or Jasper I would simply tell them to start from the beginning, but in this case it would take a month to start from the beginning and explain everything that I had been thinking about over the last two years. Has it really been that long?

"Okay. So Edward, I know that sometimes I seem a few fries short of a happy meal and I can be an unreasonable bitch for random reasons, but for some reason that really only happens when you are involved."

"Gee, thanks."

"Let me finish."

"Go right on ahead."

"Thank you. Anyways, as I was saying, I do not know why you bring out this horrible person in me who argues all the time and won't take into consideration the wants and needs of the people around me. But it happens, and I have recently decided that I am going to try."

"Try what?"

"Do you want me to finish?"

"Sorry."

"Yea, it's fine. So I think I am actually going to try to be the Bella you think I already am. If that makes any sense at all."

"It doesn't make any sense."

"What part do you need explanation of?"

"The part where you are not already the Bella that I see."

"Edward, what exactly do you see?"

"Do you really want to know? It's got a lot of mushiness involved."

"In the words of the great and mighty Alice, 'just spit it out.'"

"Alright, well you asked for it. Are you ready? It's a pretty heft list."

"Ready when you are, buddy."

Edward took a deep breath and kissed me on the cheek before leaning back again and chuckling at whatever thoughts were passing through his mind at the time. I was a little anxious to hear what he had to say, and being that I do not like serious or emotionally involved conversations, this was a pretty big step in hopefully the right direction for me.

"You're beautiful, not just on the outside, but secretly you care about people more than you let on. You're intelligent, and not just book smarts; you actually have a really high level of both streets and books in that pretty little head of yours. You can put up with my family; that's a pretty big leap of faith right there. Most people run from them. There is a no-bull-shit-allowed feeling when you are around, which I enjoy. I do not want you censored; your honesty is not only hilarious sometimes, but it is refreshing. I adore how laid back you are, and I am happy with the way you handle situations regarding your family. You have more courage than you let on, and I have not met anyone who can put up with me better than you can."

I waited to make sure he was done, and he was right. That was a pretty hefty list he had there. I didn't know if I actually measured up to all of those things that he sees in me, but I sure as hell was going to try my hardest. Like I said, I am selfish in a sense that I was not letting this one go. If I don't really believe in marriage, do you really think that I would believe in divorce? Hell, the divorce rates are one of my main arguments for not believing in marriage in the first place, no matter what the circumstances.

"What are you thinking now, Bella?"

"I'm hoping to meet those standards."

"You already do."

"So says you, but I don't feel I do. It's nothing with you, and this may sound cliché but it's me. I need to see and feel those things about myself before I can believe them as true."

"We'll work on that together."

"I know we will."

"Is this all stemming from me wanting children in the future?"

"Yes and no. I have been thinking them for awhile now. I just never sat back to put them into words, I guess."

"Well, now is as good of a time as any."

"Yes it is. So what else do you have on my list of things to do before I die?"

"We'll get to that list later. Right now, I am thinking we should head inside the house."

"Sounds like a plan to me; I'm kind of hungry."

Edward smiled as he stood up and extended his hand to help me up. The sun was creating a sort of halo look over his head, which lighted his green eyes even more than I thought was possible. Life was taking a new turn in the right direction, at least I hoped that it was. I was going to work on being a good wife, and hopefully grow into the wonderful adult that Edward saw me as. Key word being hopefully. I wouldn't place any bets just yet.


	19. Bella Came Home

**Disclaimer: I do not own the characters of Twilight. Stephenie Meyer does and she is oh so very awesome for letting me play with them. Thank you.**

**Bella Came Home.**

"_Dry is good, but wind is better. Count the years you always knew it. Strike a match, go on, and do it." _

Okay, now I know what you are thinking, but I already know how the saying goes, "Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them, and you have their shoes." I get it; it may not be word for word the saying you are thinking, but it is what it is. There is nothing I can do about that. Let me catch you up to why I am standing in a black charred dining room, covered in water with a few pissed off glances and a laughing Alice.

See, it all started when Edward and I came down from the roof to get something to eat. Alice was already standing in the kitchen opening up pizza boxes and barking orders at everyone else in the house. So of course, you do not argue with Alice so they were off and about, doing whatever it is she needed done.. That left just Edward and I to assist in her next project.

Alice requested to have Edward set the table. You know: plates, silverware, and drinks. Well anyways, he was concentrating on that while I stood silently next to Alice, hoping she didn't want me to help. I just wasn't really into the whole decorate-a-nice-dinner-to-eat-pizza kind of mood. She was even pouring glasses of red wine to go with the pizza.

"Bella, could you take these candles and set them up on the table? Tallest in the center then staircase them down by size. Use this lighter to light them also."

"Um, Alice. I really don't think I should be playing with candles or lighters. Rose and Jasper kind of took that privilege away from me, and for good reason, too."

"Bella, you are an adult; you can light a damn candle."

I rolled my eyes and gripped the candles, along with the long lighter, in my two hands. This was going to be an interesting feat, to say this least. I walked as carefully as I possibly could to the dining room table. Edward eyed me cautiously, and I could tell from the glances between him and Alice that they assumed I was being a little too cautious. Well, this is where that good, old saying comes in handy. See, they never asked me why Rose and Jasper took away my candle-lighting privileges, and unless you walk a mile in my shoes, there's no reason you really should be breaking their rules or allowing me to break them.

"Bella, come on. You are just lighting a candle; you do not have to be so tense."

"Shut up, Alice. I have my reasons.."

"Bella, you are being supervised. We won't let you burn the house down."

"That's what you think."

I stood up the candles, carefully might I add. I made sure they were steady enough for me to smack my fist on the table, and they didn't even wobble a little bit. I was confident in how steady my candles were at the moment. Well, as soon as I struck the stupid lighter there was nothing. That's right, nothing. The damn thing would not work.

Now this is where I want to pause my story and tell you that the events that follow are not my fault, so those glares should be pointed at Alice and Edward for having way too much faith in my ability to light a candle. I normally do not point fingers, but in this instance, Rose looked about ready to kill someone. And it had better not be me.

My mind is currently too smoke-hazed to tell you the exact conversation, but it went something along the lines of 'Bella, you're being silly; we trust you.' And 'Don't you trust us?' Stupid Cullens; I should have known better. Every time trust is involved, something does not go how I would plan it.

A paper, a rolled piece of computer paper was placed in my hand and freshly lit. I was instructed to just run for the table and light the damn candles. I was told I would have enough room on the paper to make it all the way back and stick the paper in the sink where it would safely go out. I was told a bunch of bull shit if you ask me.

I did as I was told, down to the tee. Well, minus the running part because do you really want me running with an open flame in a flammable house? I do not think so. I was stupid for listening to them, but not that stupid. They took advantage of me and my need to be a better Bella.

I made it to the candles, I lit two of the six candles set up in the center of the dinning room table before the paper grew smaller and the flame grew bigger. I burnt my fingers, and as an automatic reflex, dropped it on the dinning room table cloth. Now, I know I am the one who dropped the paper, but still I will blame them. They told me that the paper would be long enough so still it is there fault, not mine.

Anyways, back to the what happened where. So the paper dropped and a small flame started up on the table. Edward grabbed a glass from the cabinet and turned on the water. He was being calm and moving slowly. Alice, on the other hand, was walking quickly over to me, who was already freaking out.

I made a mistake; I thought wind would put it out not make it worse. So I blew on the fire. A piece of the paper floated over to my window seat, and wouldn't you guess it landed on my curtain. That was now flaming up pretty quickly, too. In case you did not know, let me educate you. Silk, or whatever the hell that see-through shit is, lights up pretty damn quick. Edward was confused not knowing where to throw the water first, the now on-fire window or the now on-fire dining room table.

It didn't help that we were using paper plates, so of course those were catching fire and adding to the increasing heat in the kitchen. Edward decided to throw his glass of water on the dinning room table, and let me tell you, with the size of the table, it maybe covered a corner.

Now, I do not know if any of you have ever accidentally lit your dinning room on fire, or well, lit any part of your house on fire, but that shit grows quicker than what they show in the movies or on television. I couldn't really use those resources as help. I found myself very cloudy where it counts and stiff as a damn board. Edward had come back with his second glass of water, like that was really helping at all. Alice was now using one of my favorite jackets, which was safely hanging up on the hall coat rack, to slap at the flames. That was not helping either.

The smoke alarm started to go off, and the loud-ass noise is what pulled me back to reality. I walked out of the dining room and onto the front porch where, luckily, Emmett stood doing god-knows what before I got there.

"What's with the smoke alarm?"

"I lit the dining room on fire; could you help me with the hose?"

"Are you kidding me?"

"Nope, it's really not my fault, but I can explain later. Right now we need the hose, and pretty quickly at that."

Emmett's eyes looked like they wanted to bulge out of his head. I remained calm. That was what homeowners insurance was for, and this was definitely not my first time in the rodeo, if you know what I mean.

"Emmett, just turn the hose on, and hand it to me through the kitchen window. I'm going to go stand inside and wait for it."

"Alright."

I walked back into the house, and this time Rose and Jasper were helping with the flames. The black smoke seemed to be eating up the painted walls, and everyone was a mess of ash and fire. I know that Rose and Jasper are mad at me, but I am almost positive that they'll see it wasn't my fault. Alice and Edward will have there lesson learned, right?

It did look like a pretty amusing sight, the way everyone seemed to move in slow motion around the fire, trying to put out the flames. Rose held tightly to the hose in the sink trying to convince the water to spray father than it was from the island sink. Jasper was helping Alice try to pat the flames out with my jacket, which was probably ruined. Edward, well, bless his heart, he was still using his glass of water in random spots.

Emmett handed the hose through the window once I opened it, and I pulled on it with all my strength cupping the end of the hose with my thumb and began hosing down the entire dining room. I felt like a winner at the time, even a savior. If it wasn't for me, they would all be standing there trying to put the flames out. So what if everyone got a little wet? I put the fucking fire out!

So that's the story. I put the fire out that was inadvertently caused by Edward and Alice. Rose and Jasper, even Emmett, were still standing there in the dinning room, now looking at me like I was crazy when I told them what exactly had happened. I assume that they were not going to believe me, but it was the truth and I am sticking to that.

I'm sure it didn't help that Alice was laughing at my version of the story, and Edward didn't look mad, but he didn't look happy either. I would say somewhere in the middle. Maybe he didn't like the fact that I was blaming him and Alice. Maybe he didn't care either which way. Lord only knows what was going on in his head right now.

"You mean to tell me that you played with fire even after we told you not to?"

"Rose, really it wasn't my fault. I tried to explain; they gave me false encouragement. Blame them, not me."

"Bella, you should know better."

"Rose, that's not fair."

"Life is not fair. Our dining room being burnt is not fair, but this is also your fault."

"Only partially. I did put the fire out."

"Yea, and you soaked us all to the bone in the process. What was going through your head while you were calmly walking around the fire?"

"Oh, shit."

"What?"

"That's what was going through my mind. 'Oh, shit.'"

"Bella, what are we going to tell Charlie?"

"The truth. He should know shit happens when I am involved."

"Hey, Rose, Bella, I am sorry to interrupt, but this could be a good thing."

I looked over to Alice, who was still smiling like she had just won the lottery. How in the hell could this be spun into a good thing? The dinning room was in shambles, and I was still starving over here. Rose crossed her arms as Emmett wrapped his arms around her waist. Jasper looked at Alice like she was crazy, and if he didn't have that little fact figured out by now, he was a lot dumber than I thought he was.

I inched over into my comfort zone, which if you haven't guessed, is closer to Edward. He didn't hesitate, which let me know that he was not mad at me. Instead, he wrapped me up in his arms just as Emmett had done with Rose. Alice began rattling off how we could turn this into 'girl' time and fix the dining room with just us girls. Of course she did throw in, like the sly little pixie she was, that the guys could help with the heavy lifting and other possibly hazardous stuff. She was throwing out her ideas and her plans so fast I wasn't sure if Rose was actually keeping up with her or if she was nodding in approval so that she didn't have to be too involved with the line of questioning.

Edward was still somewhat stiff around me so I squeezed gently on his arm, hopefully reassuring him that whatever the problem was, it would be okay. I assume he got the hint because his posture relaxed around me, and he kissed two or three times down my neck. See, I could be the Bella he thinks I am. I rolled my eyes at myself and turned my attention back to Alice, who was now so excited that she was bouncing on the heels of her feet and waving her arms around.

" Alice, that all sounds fine; really it does, but I have one problem before we get to all of that."

"What's the problem, Bella?"

"I'm a starvin' Marvin over here."

Emmett seconds my complaint for food, causing Rose to slap his arm playfully. The atmosphere seemed to be making a small turn towards a brighter future. The glares were down to a minimum, and even Jasper looked a little happier. He was always the more serious one out of the group so of course he would be looking at the dark side of the events. I'm really glad he had Alice to show him a more positive light in his dark and negative world.

"I think dinner is ruined."

I shrugged my shoulders and did this funny four-legged walk with Edward still attached behind me towards the counter that held all of the pizza Alice had ordered earlier. The boxes were a little wet but I think that the pizza was fine on the inside.

"The boxes are a little damp, but the food should be fine."

"Bella, I do not eat 'should be fine' food. We'll just have to order some more."

"Rose, come on. It could be new and exciting."

"Exciting. You mean like how you almost-burned-the-house-down exciting, or how you possibly-want-to-put-us-all-in-the-hospital-with-should-be-fine-food exciting?"

Leave it to Jasper to bring up the crappy and sarcastic shit. Of course he probably had every right to be a little upset. I mean who could really blame him? I couldn't, but I would appreciate if he would at least try to be a little bit happier.

"Let's order Chinese instead of pizza, and we can discuss the renovations as we eat. It'll be a great family-bonding time!"

I was going to answer Jasper's sarcastic remark. I was going to protest his negative attitude. I was going to defend myself from him and advise him that he didn't have to be all pretty rainbows, but he could at least try to be a little helpful. There was no need to make a stressful situation more stressful.

Instead, Alice interrupted my thoughts with her own positive vibe and brought me back to the real world where food and eating were involved. I was hungry, and Jasper was probably hungry, too. Men are a little bit more grumpy when they are hungry so I would let him eat and see if his attitude wavered any before I jumped his ass with my own sarcastic remarks.

"That sounds good, Alice. How about I order the Chinese, and everybody gets cleaned up? We can meet in the living room."

"Sounds like a good plan, Bella!"

I smiled at Alice and started my awkward Edward-attached walk again towards my cell phone in the living room. I didn't know if he was trying to challenge my balance or simply could not let me go. Either which way, we probably looked like a couple of idiots waddling around the house.

"You know, Edward; I don't think we'll make it up the stairs like this."

"I have already thought of that. I'll just carry you. You are a hazard to yourself and everyone around you. I can not let you walk up the stairs."

Now he gets it! It's about freaking time if you ask me. Not that I am incapable of walking up the stairs. I'd like to think that I have more problems walking down the stairs than up them. It's pretty hard to fall up the stairs unless you are running carelessly.

"My Hero."

I giggled after I got off the phone with the Chinese delivery, and Edward scooped me up and started the trip up the stairs. I was laying on my thick southern accent perfectly, and he couldn't help but smile at me as I even attempted to mock Jasper. We made it to our room safely, but Edward still did not set me down on my feet. no; instead, he carried me around the room pointing with his head to which clothes in the closet I should grab for him. I felt completely disabled, and I actually enjoyed it. I was having a blast laughing and joking about my own real-life disabilities.

"Edward, I think you'll have to set me down to get in the shower."

"Nope, can't do it."

He carried me into the bathroom and I threw our pile of clothes down on the bathroom counter. Then he leaned me towards the bathroom faucet, and I turned on the hot water just enough to where it was not scolding hot.. But I was now stumped. How did he plan on taking a shower with out setting me down?

"Bella, pull the knob for the shower."

"Ok."

I was still a little hesitant when he would lean me over, but I had faith that he wouldn't drop me. He was pretty strong and had never shown any problems in carrying me around before. So I did as I was told, another point for me on being the Bella he sees book.

"Edward, what are you doing?"

"We're getting in the shower."

I must have looked confused; hell, I felt confused. He kicked off his shoes and slipped off mine before he stepped into the shower with us fully clothed. The warm water felt great, but it would have felt even better if we didn't have all of the clothes on.

"Edward, how are we going to wash up if we are clothed?"

"Two birds, one stone."

"Huh?"

"Two birds, one stone. Don't tell me you haven't heard of that one before."

"Sure I have, but how does it apply here?"

"We are cleaning ourselves and doing laundry."

"I am still going to have to throw these clothes in the washing machine."

"Eh, I don't see why."

"Gross. If you are not going to let me down it appears that I will have to improvise."

Edward raised one eyebrow up at me as I began pulling off his shirt, he braced me against the wall to allow me to remove one arm at a time, this was far more difficult than I had originally thought it would be. I was half-tempted to have him carry me out of the shower to locate a pair of scissors and just cut the damn thing off of him.

Removing his boxers and his pants were far easier than his shirt, and I don't think that I could ever get used to how perfect his body appeared to me. He was completely naked, standing in a hot shower, and carrying a fully-clothed me with the most beautiful all-knowing, mischievous smirk on his face. I ate that shit up like an addicted fool, and he knew it. Stupid, cocky, all-knowing, strong, and sexy man.

"Bella, aren't you going to undress yourself?"

"Nope, I figured that I already went through all of the work with undressing you. Why undress myself?"

I was a genius; he would have to put me down in order to undress me. And me? Well, I could take my sweet precious time in the shower driving him absolutely crazy until he feels the need to get my clothes off of me. I finally had the upper hand, and I could see the victory line not far up ahead. My inner devil was doing a little dance in celebration. Normally not a lucky thing to do, but I think I had used up enough of my bad luck today. This was going to be an easy ride in both senses.

I smirked at Edward as I reached for the shampoo in the shower rack and placed a few drops on his hair. I moved my hands slowly dragging my nails softly across his scalp as I washed his hair for him. His eyes closed as he began kissing my neck in the most sinful way possible, but I was not going to crack. Nope, not this time, buddy boy.

I had a good lather currently in his hair and started using the soap in my hands to rub down his neck slowly massaging his shoulder blades. Edward let out a soft moan when my hands trailed down his back and back up to his shoulders, I could taste victory, and surely enough, when I glanced down he was fully aroused.

His kisses moved from my neck to my collar bone where my shirt was starting to get in his way. I needed him to crack before I did so I pushed away the thoughts that were tempting me to strip down to nothing on my own. I wanted him to take control; I wanted him to set me down and strip me before I followed through with my own silent request. I just had a few more of his buttons that I needed to push before I could get to my own satisfaction.

I reached for the bar of soap that was lying gently in the rack on the shower head and started lathering up my hands. Once that was done I trailed my hands down his chest and around his torso stopping right above the 'v' shape that his muscled chest formed before his groin.

That, ladies and gentleman, was all it took. He set me down like I knew he would, but braced me up against the wall of the shower while slowly lifting my shirt over my head and removing my bra. His kisses became more and more intense over my entire body. As he removed an article of clothing, he kissed the spot of the skin that was exposed until I was just as naked as he was.

The heat from the water was nothing compared to the internal heat I felt growing inside of me. Edward did this to me; he always has and always will be my brand of heroine. I was more and more addicted to him than I could have ever of possibly imagined myself being. It wasn't lust or infatuation. It just was; we were and hopefully we would always be.

A loud, uncontrolled moan escaped my lips when he finally entered me; my body had been craving him so much that it felt like a violent release when victory was met hand in hand with this act. I was a new person, and this new person was not allowing me to speak or think logically. I could simply ask for more and moan his name. He matched my pleas with requests of his own, angling my hips up and pulling a leg over his shoulder until we finally released together in one of the best orgasms I had ever experienced.

Soap and shampoo covered not only us, but the shower we were standing in, so all we really had to do was rinse off in the hot water and get dressed.. I felt refreshed and awake once we finally exited the room, both of us wearing smiles from ear to ear.

"What took you two so long? The food has been down here for at least fifteen minutes; get your plates so we can get started on bonding time."

Alice always meant well, and in terms, I took her comments for her not wanting our dinner to be cold and just being really excited to bond over redecorating. Edward made our plate and we sat down on the living room floor together, neither one of us answered the question of what took so long. If they didn't know already, I certainly hope they have a pretty active imagination.

"So Rose, did the detective set a trail date for your stalker?"

"Yes, and I do not have to appear in court; thank god, I do not want to see that creep ever again."

"Yea, that might be a little awkward."

"Just a little."

I was bringing up random conversation while Alice pulled out her pen and note pad to start taking notes on everyone's ideas for the dining room. I had one suggestion and that was to make sure I had my window seat to work from. It was the best spot in the house, and I felt that it needed to remain the best spot in the house. Well, besides my new favorite place which was in the shower with Edward.

Conversation began flowing pretty freely, if you ask me. The drama had subsided, and even Jasper was throwing in some pretty good ideas on what he wanted done in the dining room. Alice was really rubbing off on him as he started to get into detailed arguments with Emmett on color scheme and themes. Edward remained pretty silent and only really offered his input on who was right between Emmett and Jasper. Alice must have rubbed off on him a little, too.

Once the night had trickled on, the conversation moved from when and where to a who and what because there was no way in hell we were all going to be able to do the work on the dining room. I think they decided not to just fix what was broken, but to completely remodel the damn thing. So of course Alice was just going to draw up the plans and enlist the construction workers she had already hired on the outside of the house.

"Now that everything is all settled, I think I am going to go to bed, ladies and gentleman."

I stood up and pulled on Edward's hand so that he could come to bed with me. I really felt like I could use a few good hours of comfortable sleep, and when I glanced at the clock, I realized why. It was already three o'clock in the damn morning! I guess time flies when you're having some good family-bonding. Insert 'roll eyes and sarcasm' here.


	20. Catastrophologist

**Disclaimer: I do not own the characters of Twilight. Stephenie Meyer does and she is oh so very awesome for letting me play with them. Thank you.**

**Catastrophologist **

"_When choosing between two evil, I always like to try the one I've never tried before." _

"Why is there shouting!"

I couldn't say that this was the most pleasant noise to escape my mouth at eight o'clock in the morning. Really. It probably sounded like a muffled scream with a bad scratch/gargle mix. Let's not forget that my morning breath probably packed a powerful punch. I had only been asleep for around five hours before Emmett's booming voice and Rose's screech echoed through the house.

I was not the only one mumbling incoherently at this time either. Edward was stirring, and Jasper was clearly telling them to 'shut the fuck up, for heavens sake' through the hallway. I assume with how loud that asshole was being that Alice was awake as well.

It was too late to roll over and try to catch a few more sheep before I had to start yet another high and excited day. No, the day was forcing itself upon me as the voices grew louder and a tad bit more obnoxious as the minutes ticked along. I was being forced out of bed to investigate.

I was becoming my favorite detective as I slipped on a pair of basketball shorts and a tank top. I was even going to grab a tape recorder for fun, but figured that if this was serious, I was in enough trouble with Rose. I did not need to be 'making light' of a 'heavy situation'. You have to adore how Charlie will phrase things at times for me.

I stomped slowly down the stairs. I wanted a dramatic entrance, but I also was trying to make it a goal not to cause a disturbance with the way my bones connected to the each other. I really did like them right where they were.

"Before either of you start yelling again, I have two questions. First, why the fuck are you yelling? Second, why the fuck are you yelling so early in the morning when everyone did not get to sleep before three!?"

Emmett smiled and took a seat on the living room couch. Rose's stance slacked a little bit before turning her fierce gaze on me. Why was she so moody lately? They were both dressed in what the old people would refer to as 'church clothes' I called them the 'interview clothes' or the 'I have to go do something important but boring clothes' either one will work for me, though. Armani, Gucci, you name it; we had it stocked up in someone's closet for just the right moment.

"We went to James' trail."

I looked from Rose to Emmett and then back to Rose. That did explain the boring dress-up clothes. I wouldn't have really worn red or blue, though. I would have been in black; black seemed pretty suitable. Doesn't it kind of represent an out-with-the-old-in-with-the-new persona anyways?

"Okay, keep going Rose."

"He's not going to jail."

"Why the fuck not?"

"That's why we were screaming."

"What is?"

"The 'why not' part. Emmett and I were debating how to handle the 'why not' part of this situation."

"So, let's start from the beginning and hit up the 'why not' from the courts' perspective. Also, I didn't think you had to go to that stupid thing."

"Well, I didn't have to go. I decided that I wanted to go, and it's a good thing I did or I wouldn't know that the little asshole is a free man."

"Rose, he is not a man."

"Anyways, he was given, like, five year probation for the breaking and entering, and I have a permanent protective order against him.. Sadly, that's it. And Emmett over here is afraid that it is not enough."

"I agree with Emmett; he tried to burn the house down and kill us all with his breakfast. At least I can cook without burning the house down."

"You have no room to talk, she-who-can't-light-a-candle-without-lighting-the-whole-dining-room-on-fire."

"I would like to point out who was at fault for that."

"You are all at fault. and we do not need to go into that discussion again."

"Whatever, Rose. You don't want to talk about it because I am right."

"Bella, I do not want to talk about it because there is something a little bit more pressing to talk about."

"Jeez, who really says 'pressing' anymore? What are you from, the 1800s now?"

"Bella, stop changing the subject; we need to figure out the James topic.."

"I say we should ask Alice .. She seems to be wise in the department of future events."

"They are sleeping."

"You mean to tell me you didn't hear Jasper screaming at you two to shut up? Rose, Alice is very much awake after that. Give her a minute. I'm sure she'll be down here soon all cheerful and crap."

Rose rolled her eyes and took a seat on the couch next to Emmett; he appeared deep in thought, which is a very rare and strange look to see on Emmett's face.. He never really seemed to give that much thought to anything, and I really hoped that he didn't hurt himself giving whatever this was anymore thought than it really needed from him.

"Good morning, my beautiful rays of sunshine!"

As if right on cue, Alice bounced cheerfully down the stairs and into the living room, warming it instantly with a grin that reached from ear to ear. There was something about all three of the Cullen children that was completely infectious, and I am almost positive it had something to do with the loving Esme. She had a way with the community from what I could remember.

" Alice, I believe Rose has a problem and would like your foretelling advice."

"I know. Rose, no need for the details. I overheard a lot, and let me tell you that you do not need to worry. We'll be moving soon anyways."

"Not this again, Alice ."

"You always doubt me, Bella, but you'll see. I am never wrong."

"So says the pixie who contributed to me lighting the dining room on fire."

"Okay, so you are a little unpredictable when it comes to bad luck."

"A little? I think my bad luck is highly predictable. Whatever can go wrong will go wrong in my presence."

"Bella, I'm going to need you to start seeing the glass half full."

"It's not that I don't see it half full, I just also see the crack in the glass."

"Anyways, I am off to a very important meeting. Jasper is off from work today, and I believe Edward will be down shortly. I heard him moving around up there."

I shrugged my shoulder and headed towards the charred side of the house. The kitchen was still intact, and the construction workers appeared just a few minutes ago to start working on the damages in the dinning room. Breakfast sounded nice so I pulled out everything for scrambled eggs while Alice gave some short-hand, fast-paced instructions on the dinning room renovations.

I smiled down at the counter and then glanced up at a confused looking construction worker. I felt his pain and made sure to acknowledge it after Alice ran out of the house so that she didn't miss her 'important meeting.' The man smiled back at me and went straight to work. I don't blame him; if I was being paid by Alice to work, I would make sure that not only it was done in a timely manner, but that it had all my attention. She was picky, and she did not lack in attention to detail.

Edward had trotted down the stairs with a good-morning smile and made his way into the living room where Rose, Emmett, and Jasper had now all gathered. I was half tempted to take my eggs and run up to my room. Conversations had been somewhat disastrous when I involved myself, but then again, disaster was living on the edge. Call it my wild side, if you want.

You can guess then that I did follow with a plate in hand to the living room where I took a seat on the floor in front of the coffee table. I sat silently for a little while, simply listening to the same conversation about James run over and over and over again.

It seemed to me that it was simply human nature to take whatever 'drama' might appear and then talk about it or compare stories close to it until it was an exhausted topic. I did not see the need to join in on the conversation itself; simply listen to the bold and beautiful go at it on the couch.

Any of you who watch E! will understand my conversation in regards to the E! True Hollywood stories. They're very interesting sometimes. You learn about which celebrity did what and how they acted when they were not so famous. Everything is glorified and exaggerated beyond belief. The stories normally start off with 'This Is My Life as…' Oh, wait. That's the Cover Girl phrase, which is another super-awesome show.

Anywho, back to what I was saying. They do the glamored-up true stories about celebrity and there non-celebrity lives all the time, and I often wonder what exactly would be included in my true story if I were a famous celebrity out to prove to the world just how normal I was. It'd probably be pretty boring and filled with mischievous undertone. Even though I am not a trouble maker, trouble seems to follow me, and now I even have a criminal record to prove it.

I smiled at that thought and blinked myself out of the self-induced daze to realize that Edward was now sitting next to me and half of my eggs were gone. Sneaky little rat ate half my breakfast. I scooped up a bite of eggs and stuffed them into my mouth, enjoying what was left of my breakfast before Edward could get his greedy, little hands on it.

"I think that job offer sounds great! What do you think, Bella?"

"Huh?"

"Have you been paying any attention? Those eggs can not be that good."

"I wouldn't know if they were that good; Edward just ate half of them."

"What do you think about the job offer he was just telling us about?"

"See, um, I wasn't exactly all here when this conversation was happening.. I zoned out on the James topic."

Jasper rolled his eyes and leaned back into the couch with a smirk on his face.. He wasn't being rude or arrogant; he was actually coming off kind of playful, which is a big improvement from yesterday. He must have had some great sex last night.

"Bella, I think you and Edward should talk about the job offer before Alice gets home."

I glanced from Jasper to Edward to see a matching identical smirk on his face. That's when Alice's giggles slapped me like a twenty pound weight across the face. My mouth dropped slightly as I muttered the infamous 'no way.' I say infamous because, well, how many cheesy movies have you seen where the main character stops and in a stoned, That 70's Show kind of way was just like, 'no way'. Yea, it was one of those moments.

"Why do you look like someone just ran over your dog?"

I closed my mouth and shook off the shocked 'Alice is always right' expression that must have been written all over my face. Edward was waiting for an answer with that smirk still lingering in his eyes. He knows why I am shocked; why the need to ask the question? Does he want me to just outright admit that Alice is the all knowing little pixie queen?

"I do not have a dog."

"Are you trying to be short with me?"

"No."

"I think you are."

"I think you think too much."

"Maybe we shouldn't think and just do."

"Do what?"

"See, I knew you were trying to be short with me. Good thing I am tall."

"That makes no sense at all."

"It does to me."

"Alright, spit it out; where is the location of this oh-so-awesome job offer?"

"Actually, it's local."

"Really?"

"Yes."

"Great, so when do you start?"

"I don't think I am going to take it."

"You lost me."

"I normally do."

What the hell does he mean by 'I normally do.' Normally do what? Because he sure as hell doesn't normally lose me. It's not like I am an idiot. Was that an insult to my intelligence? I was ready and willing to take on that argument full speed ahead. I'd like to see him prove that stupid fucking statement.

"What the hell do you mean?"

"Whoa, hold on a second. It sounded bad, really bad. Okay, I did not, in NO WAY, mean that you are stupid."

"Sounded like you did, Edward."

"Slow down, and please stop glaring at me like that. I simply meant that I normally lose you because you often drift off and don't pay attention."

"So you are not calling me stupid? Just ditsy?"

"No. Ditsy would fall under the stupid category, and you are not stupid."

"Can I call it something?"

I turned my focus from Edward to Jasper; of course he would want to call it something. He didn't even shrink back from my glare. He smiled at me and leaned forward in a challenge of sorts. And yes, I do accept..

"Sure, Jazzy Poo. What would you call it?"

Ha! Take that asshole. I knew he hated being called Jazzy Poo ever since Alice started calling him that. I had stored it away in my ammunition pile for later. She could get away with it just like I could get away with ridiculous things with Edward, but no one else should tread that water. Oh, well; he started it.

"Well, Bellarina, I would call it a space case."

"What the fuck is a space case?"

"You know air brain, birdbrain, rattlebrain, ninny, a fluff bat?"

"See it all sounds to me like you're trying to say that I am mentally challenged."

"Only if that challenge involves you staying involved in a conversation."

"Alright, that's enough you two. Jesus, I swear you act more like brother and sister than Jasper and I do."

I didn't glare at Rose when I looked at her. No, I was too busy trying to figure out why the hell I became the big joke of the damn room. Sure, I was a little spaced out. Okay, well frequently spaced out, but I normally can jump back into any intellectual conversation without a flinch. It was these stupid mundane conversations about random shit that I have heard more than once that causes me to space out. Maybe I needed to hang out with some more creative people. Then I wouldn't lose focus, and I would hear the conversation that resembled some importance. Again, I blame them.

"Jasper, you are an asshole; you're lucky I like you."

"Whatever, Bella. You love me."

"Love is a meaningless word."

"So says the girl with the names tattooed on her ankle."

"Tattoo's are permanent. A word can be thrown around effortlessly. Do we need to have this debate again?"

"No, it's okay, though. I love you, Bella, second-dearest sister of mine."

I rolled my eyes but couldn't help the smile that breached my stone-cold face. I know that he doesn't mean that he cares about me less than Rose, only that she is sitting here and we both had better make her our number one. No need to have that debate again. Rose has issues with being number two so we just don't consider it any other way.

"So, as I was saying before you two started, I do not think I am going to accept the job."

My head started to swim with possibilities of why he would not accept a good job at the local hospital. I mean money was not tight at all; we had each other, and that's all we needed. I told him that I preferred him to find a job at a hospital he actually wanted. Maybe there was something wrong with this hospital?

"Continue."

"I got another offer."

I was about to bring back my 'Alice is always right' shocked expression but decided to save it for the big finale; he was taking forever to spit this out. I kept the smile on my face and tried to seem excited even though I was extremely worried about what he was going to proposition me with. The energy was dancing behind his eyes, and I could almost see Alice dancing in them. They really are a lot alike.

"Please keep going; the suspense is running me over with a tractor."

"Well, it does not pay as much, but there is a lot of room to work on special cases and learn. My degree would be better used, and I would have a better opportunity to help people who really need me."

"Okay; what's the catch?"

"Well, I didn't think I would get it, and they called. We did a phone interview, and they called me back. Well, I got it."

"You're still leaving out the catch, Edward."

"Don't say no right away; just think about it."

"Edward."

"It's in Chicago, IL ."

"That's on the other side of the U.S."

"Yes, but there is great restate, and with your job you can go wherever. So can Rose, and Emmett doesn't like the school he is at anyways. I mean, it'll be great. What do you think?"

"I think that I should think. I do not want to answer on a whim."

"That's fine. Take your time; I do not have to have a response back to them for a few more days."

"When would we have to move?"

"Um, well, see…"

"Never mind; surprise me. I promise I'll think about it."

I gave Edward a kiss and made up some excuse about having to finish up a few stories. He knows my work load; therefore, I am pretty sure he knows that I was already finished with the stories I had to edit. I really just wanted some alone time to think about everything again. I needed to put some things in perspective, and I needed to make sure that whatever I was going to decide was not based on selfish reasons. The greater good and all that crap.


	21. All For One

**Disclaimer: I do not own the characters of Twilight. Stephenie Meyer does and she is oh so very awesome for letting me play with them. Thank you.**

**All for One**

"_And One for Fucking All." _

The wind was picking up a little bit as I sat on the roof watching the leaves sway against the trees. I had several options and alternatives already listed in my head. Not one of them was better than the other so I continued sitting here thinking about what was best for the family, what was best for me, and of course I already knew what was best for Edward.

He wanted that job in Chicago, and no matter how much I debate the possibilities in my mind, I knew I would go wherever he went. I would be happy wherever he was happy, and that meant that soon I would be living in Chicago .

I didn't want my decision to be entirely because it was what was best for him or what he wanted. There was this strange over-sensitive, self-sufficient woman inside me, demanding a reason that would also benefit her. I kept telling her that Edward would be there, and that was all the benefit she would need. But no, she could have that as the only reason, even though it was always, and will always, be the best and coolest reason.

So I sat here, twiddling my thumbs and debating everything I could about Chicago. I couldn't say that I really know a lot about the place. Actually, I really didn't know anything. I heard once that the crime rates weren't all that hot there, but other than that I had no clue. Hell, I couldn't even tell you if it was a good source that the crime rates were high there.

If I were sitting in bath water or a pool right now, I would be pruney from thinking entirely too much in one position. My legs were numb from sitting on them, and my toes were starting to tingle from falling asleep. That normally led to extreme leg cramps when I tried to wake up my failing body parts so I opted to let them sleep. If I was a toe, I'd be exhausted.

So here are the positives that I have come up with from this move that I was now sure to take: One, Edward would be happy and that was my goal in life now. Two, this would help solve Rose's dilemma with James. If we moved with no forwarding address, there would be no way for him to try and cook us breakfast. Three, Alice would get her wish. And fourth, Emmett would get to work in a school he possibly liked. Plus, he would be happy with the James-being-so-far-away bit.

Now I was debating the fifth and sixth options. I mean, Jasper had to have some ulterior motive. Not that he was selfish by any means; I mean, damn, he would be happy as long as Alice was happy, right? Maybe there was a better job opportunity for him in Chicago, maybe he wanted to have a fresh place to dive into, maybe, just maybe, Chicago was better than where we currently were. Maybe I was over thinking things as usual.

It wouldn't be the first time that I over thought something; it surely won't be the last time either. It was just a natural ability for me. I am almost positive that I inherited this over-thinking disease from Renee. Charlie didn't really over think things; he just worries about everything in general. I swear, there was no thought process to his worrisome nature to begin with.

I was going to skip option five and let Jasper have his own reason without my prying. Now it was option six, or what's in it for Bella, other than Edward and his happiness. I guess if I really thought about it, I could use a change of scenery. This place is nice, but it holds a lot of crappy memories for me. The bad does not outweigh the good, but it could in a few years.

I had successfully killed this house, and I was not very keen on having to help with the rebuilding of it. I like the house, but a new house could prove useful in its own little way. My job would allow me to pretty much move anywhere in the world as long as I had access to a laptop. That was convenient, to say the least.

"Edward told me I would find you up here."

Alice? What the hell was Alice doing climbing up the roof? And why was Edward revealing the secret location to my super-secret spot? I shrugged it off and wiggled my big toe to see if it had decided to wake up, and of course, that shot pins and needles through my calf. This, in turn, means that I had not given it sufficient sleep time, and I should sit very still.

"You found me."

"Tell me how the hell you get up here without breaking any bones?"

"In the words of Edward, carefully."

"Huh. Well that's not why I am up here."

"Okay, well then why are you up here, if not to find out how I am up here and still alive?"

"I wanted to see if you needed a clear mind to debate your moving options. That is what you are doing, right?"

"Why ask? You already know that answer."

"I figured as much. Hope you don't mind, but I decided that the whole family should be involved in this debate."

"Oh, really? Well, I hate to burst your bubble, but my toes are currently taking a nap. Therefore, I am not moving."

"That's okay; I made arrangements for that."

"You did?"

"Yup, I don't know how we'll get the pick-nick basket up here safely, though."

"What?"

"Well, I figured the view must be nice, so why not have dinner on the roof and discuss the move?"

"How do you make the decisions?"

"I just go with my gut, and let me tell you that it has been craving some salami on rye all day."

"That sounds too healthy to be tasty."

I settled my upper body weight on my arms which I had extended behind me. I could hear the crowd crawling through my window and realized that soon my hiding spot would be taken over by my family. Of course, it would no longer be a hiding spot at all. It was fun while it lasted, I guess.

"Dude, grab this shit."

I turned my head to the side and peaked past Alice who was giggling at Jasper. He was in a strange squatting position on the roof, bent over in what I can only describe as a leap frog stance. One arm braced him firmly on the roof while the other was extended and pulling up a rather large pick-nick basket. Emmett's other hand must have been holding the bottom of the basket because I really didn't see Edward putting forth that much effort for a pick-nick on the roof.

At least I had hoped that he was not willingly participating in the family take over of my super-secret spot. He did, however, have to let Alice know where to find me. Any idiot knows that if you tell Alice a secret, eventually the whole family will know, and eventually it will become a family thing. There was no I with Alice. Nope, there was only Alice and Family. Might as well have a damn banner.

"Bella, stand up and help me with this."

I huffed a little bit. It was a bad habit and an age-old tradition that I had to keep it real as I got up to help with the not so daunting task of spreading out the pick-nick blanket. I didn't really think about my toes or the slumber state that I had left them in until I stood up and felt the sharp tingles in my legs. I would like to bet that I had inner bruises from all the tiny, evil little tingles.

"Bella, why haven't I been up here before?"

I looked at Rose and shrugged my shoulders; no way was I going to get into the secret-spot speech with the whole family right now. Jasper and Edward would probably understand, but I don't see the rest of them doing such a good job at that. Hell, until Edward started sleeping in my room, I didn't even have peace there. Rose would always bust in to wake me up or have sister bonding time.

Don't get me wrong; sometimes the sister bonding time with Rose can be fun. She is not exactly stupid so I was able to carry on a conversation with her, but really what does a girl have to do to get some freaking privacy?

Then as if I was the star of a cartoon, the light bulb appeared on the top of my head with a giant fucking exclamation point right next to it. That was the reason I had for my own selfish little reasons to move. I could demand that I have a hideaway for a little quiet time. That would be a cool reason, kind of how men have their man caves and shit. I could have my Bella cave with specific rules attached to it. I did always kind of secretly want my own club house growing up.

I smiled inwardly and took a seat on the blanket in between Edward's legs and arms. Of course he was the most comfortable seat on the roof so I was not going to complain about the group gathering. I had a new place to seek out in Chicago. Maybe I could weasel something like an attic room out of this whole mess.

"So I have some more good family news!"

Alice had started to pull out the contents of the pick-nick basket while she hopped on her ankles excitedly, ready to spew whatever this new good family news is. I really didn't want anymore of the family good news. I was just learning to deal with what was being thrown at me in the present. Why did they insist on adding to my stress?

Rose didn't appear as excited as Alice, which told me one of two things. Either a) she already knew what the news was or b) she was just as cooked in the stress stew as I was. Lets hope that, for her sanity, it was option 'a' and not option 'b'. One of us losing our minds completely was enough for this household.

"Okay; so is everyone ready?"

"Ready and waiting on you, Alice."

I put a lot of effort in that statement to show off some enthusiasm. I could feel Edward smile into my hair as he leaned up to grab a carrot out of the basket and then dip it into the ranch Tupperware. Or well, at least I hope that was ranch. I really didn't like blue cheese, and the two often confused me in terms of their appearance.

"I have been offered the position as lead designer for Volturi Inc. Isn't that so freaking exciting? I can not wait; I had Laurent meet up with me to go over contract details with the Volturi, and he said it looks stellar! I am so excited guys! We can move to Chicago, and I am going to get my own little shop to work in. And oh, my god; I can not wait!"

She had barely taken a breath in between words, let alone pause for a second and let someone else get a breath in. I guess this really didn't add to the stress stew. Alice was a smart girl. I am sure that she wouldn't sign over her designs unless the contract was specific to her needs, and of course, let's not forget her wants. Alice was a tough negotiator.

If you really thought about it, it only made the option for her better to move to Chicago. Like she just said, she could open up her own little sweat factory and everything. Okay, well, she may not have said that exactly, but you and I both know that's what she meant. Bless her heart, she was probably going to give herself a heart attack thinking about all of the poor and tortured souls she could hire for her little shop.

Everyone else seemed happy as they congratulated her and carried on conversation about the designs and locations for her sweat shop. It appeared to me that my opinion probably didn't really matter as much as I thought it had. They were practically packed up and ready to go with or without me.

What kind of shit is that? I am beginning to really have second thoughts about my position within this family. They all deserve the silent treatment. Good thing these little wraps were so delicious; it kept food in my mouth and prevented the word vomit from spewing all over there stupid, happy, without-Bella-involved conversations

.


	22. The Drunk

**Disclaimer: I do not own the characters of Twilight. Stephenie Meyer does and she is oh so very awesome for letting me play with them. Thank you.**

**The Drunk**

"_I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure." _

Dinner or brunch or whatever the hell you want to call it went over smoothly. Too smoothly if you fucking ask me. I stayed quiet the entire time; I stuffed my face full of freaking healthy-ass turkey wraps. Yes, they were delicious, but did anyone even ask me if I liked them? Nope, they were too busy in there own selfish conversations.

I was currently sulking while they all watched a movie without me. I had ventured out of the house and to the really cool lighted back yard tree. And why was that tree so cool and lighted so well? Because I offered my opinion! Just another piece of proof that it matters and should be taken into consideration. I have astronomical cool points, which means that I should be considered!

I set the now empty bottle of rum under the neat little table that I picked out with Rose and made my way over to the new tire swing. A good swing should do my wobbly legs some justice on this nice evening.

I stumbled slightly when I first stood up but quickly regained my balance; I must look like a fucking idiot the way I stuck my hands out as if to fly away and tilted my body. I was taking my lessons from celebrity circus and working to find my inner balance, which due to the intake of rum, was not really all there.

I took each step slowly and made sure to calculate the distance between my feet before taking another. I didn't want to step on myself and fall down. Not that I would feel any pain from falling, but that I would have a shit-load of trouble trying to figure out how to stand back up again.

Once I was to the tire swing, I gripped onto it with both hands and lifted one foot at a time until I was sitting in the swing. Now, here was the problem, how in the hell was I supposed to swing myself? The tree itself was too far away from me to reach and give myself a push, and my legs were too high off the ground to push off with.

I could climb out, but in order to do so, I would have to fall backwards. And that could lead to an untimely demise of my hip bones. If Edward planned on knocking me up in the future, I would need to have those intact. At least I think I do. Scratch that; I am almost absolutely positive that I do.

I leaned on the tire swing and squinted my eyes towards the back porch to see a rather large glowing angel walking my way. Ah, someone to push me on the tire swing. See, there is someone paying attention to me after all.

"Bella, what the hell are you doing out here by yourself?"

"It's the golden Emmie! Could you pretty please push me on this swing?"

"Sure, but why are you out here?"

"What does it look like? I am getting my buzz on and trying to swing."

"Getting your buzz on, huh?"

"Yup."

"Maybe I should go get Edward."

"Don't you dare. He doesn't want my opinion so I want to swing. Just push. Less talk, more action, Golden Emmie."

"How much did you drink?"

"Not enough; you should go sneak out Jasper's wine and have a drink with me. We could take turns swinging, although I do not know how well I could push your big ass, but we can try."

"No, I think you should stay seated. And swinging might not be the best idea."

"Why not?"

"I like this shirt, and I really don't want puke all over it."

"You're supposed to push behind me, not in front of me."

"I'll be right back. I'm going to, um, get that bottle of wine."

"You do that. I'll be right here because I don't think I could get out of this swing."

"Alright, you stay right there."

"Yes, sir."

Staying still was possibly the easiest command I had taken in my whole life. Even the wind was listening carefully as it did not move me an inch. I could feel my eyes start to drop slightly, and for the sake of staying awake, I began moving. Or well, twisting my body from side to side.

The harder I pulled on one side, the harder it pulled on another, and I eventually was stuck in this nauseating spin. I had to close my eyes and was slightly thankful that my golden Emmie bear was not out here. He wouldn't be too happy that I couldn't follow the easiest command ever given to a cool person such as myself.

"Bella, are you ok?"

Well there's a good fucking thought; am I okay? Nope, right at this moment I do not think I am okay, and if the strange spinning doesn't stop whoever that voice belonged to was not going to be okay either. I didn't dare open my eyes or my mouth. I wanted to speak because I knew it was not Emmett standing a few feet away from me. No, that scent was too familiar. It could be no one other than Jasper.

"Bella, do you want me to take you inside?"

To speak or not to speak is the question. I am pretty sure that I, again, won't have a say unless I open my mouth to tell him that I would prefer to stay out here. Although a little help out of this contraption might do the body some good.

"No."

There, that should be a sufficient enough response. Hopefully I didn't sound too wasted. Lord knows I didn't want kiss-ass over here to call the cavalry on my ass. The swing stopped spinning, and sure enough, like the valiant knight in fucking amour he was, I was lifted out of the swing and placed in what I hoped to be a chair. If this was not a chair then I needed a straight jacket because it felt like a chair. Sure enough when I opened my eyes to face the twinkling of lights, Jasper sat next to me with an exasperated look on his face and deep concern painting his eyes.

"What's matter with you?"

"I would like to ask you the same question.."

"I'm surprised anyone wants to know."

"Why are you surprised?"

"How about you first? We can take turns; kind of like a game. It could be fun."

"I remember when you first moved here, we were best friends. It was us against Rose, and there was never drama or problems. You didn't allow it."

"Allow it? What was there to allow?"

"Exactly; I kind of miss that. Everything has been about the greater good and all that mess."

"I don't like it either. Hey, how did you know I was out here?"

"I caught Emmett trying to sneak out my wine and realized that you had to be behind it."

"It's good wine."

"Buy your own."

"Why? You keep a good supply already."

Jasper rolled his eyes and slid me a glass of ice water that I didn't even notice him bring out earlier. It was hard to focus on anything at the present moment, but I could tell that he needed a good talking to from yours truly.

"Want to hear my problem?"

"I asked, didn't I?"

"Okay, well; I am sick and tired of the drama and the fighting and the let's-not-tell-Bella and the whole let's-not-care-what-Bella-thinks."

"Who doesn't care?"

"I don't know. I guess no one came out and said anything, but it kind of seems like whenever something is brought up that may affect one or all of us, everyone gets to voice their opinion but me."

"That's because you have been so negative lately. And normally, you used to just go with the flow, a free spirit if you must."

"Free spirit, huh?"

"That's the best description I can pull up right now."

"Huh, so what's everyone else doing right now?"

"Edward is probably pacing because Emmett told him you didn't want him out here. Alice and Rose are watching a movie, and Emmett is probably doing something stupid that he shouldn't be."

"Too many people do way too much."

"Sounds about right."

"How long has it been since you played?"

"The guitar? I don't know; I've been kind of busy."

"You know, Jasper, I really liked listening to you play."

"Edward plays for you all the time."

"I know, and I really enjoy it. The piano is so peaceful, relaxing even, but the guitar it has a soulful approach. You two should mix your sounds."

"Maybe you should mention that sometime. How are you two doing anyways?"

"We're great I think, but he wants kids. He's on the dog house list with the rest…"

"Dog house list? What did he do?"

"Nothing really, I guess. I just don't like that my opinion wasn't even asked about this move so I kind of put you all in my mental dog house."

"Oh no, not the mental dog house."

"Ha-ha, I am serious. We should play a game."

"Bella, I do not think you should be playing any games."

"I think I could kick you and whoever you pick in the house in a game of evening football."

"How much are you willing to bet?"

I smiled the biggest grin my slumped face could pull off and then straightened my back ready to test my limitations. I used to be able to handle my drinking a lot better than this. I was told once by a drunk sitting outside of a bar that if I focused my drunken energy on positive things and kept moving, I could gain back what the alcohol had taken from me. I had only tried this practice once, and it favored out pretty well.

Well call this my, and whoever that drunken guy was, chi. It should only be practiced while drunk and under the supervision of drunk people. Well, unless you are me. I can practice it since I am already an expert. You know how people get loud and obnoxious at bars? Well, this is alcohol induced normally. Those people have unknowingly found their drunken chi. They party hard, and then when the time comes to leave, they turn into mush, much like I am right at this moment.

All I need is some loud music and a high energy sport to partake in. Football will work perfectly for this. Now is the question of what do I want to put at stake for this match.

"The house in Chicago."

"The house in Chicago? What do you mean by that?"

"Winning team chooses the house in Chicago."

"That's a pretty big stake; we'll have to pick our teams wisely."

"So will you be picking by talent or by determination?"

"Determination."

"Fine with me; name your team."

"Alice and Edward."

"I get Rose and Emmett?"

"Yes."

"Willing to shake on it, Jaspy-boy?"

"Please don't call me that."

He stuck out his hand and took mine in it; we shook on it, which in Jasper terms means there was no turning back now. He was a fool for a good bet with some high stakes, and I was pretty sure that Rose and Emmett were going to be the better of the two anyways. Let the games begin!

_Team Chi vs. Team J.A.E_

Jasper had gathered up the teams and explained the rules while I set up the music. I needed something inspiring, and I was far from wanting calm. So some old-school Linkin Park with a little bit of Rob Zombie would do the trick. I was set and ready to go out there and get muddy. Not that the ground was wet, but that I wanted to play in the mud a little bit. Maybe I should raise the stakes and hose down the yard that we would be playing in.

As soon as Edward saw me exiting the side of the house with a remote in hand to control the radio, he jogged up to me and then just stood there like a lost puppy dog. I had splashed some cold water on my face and brushed my teeth while Jasper was breaking things down in detail, including what was at stake. So, needless to say, I felt a lot better about this whole bet thing I had created.

This was the way we settled things between us before. Jasper and I would make a bet and winner takes all. My dilemma was having a say in what or where we moved to. Jasper's recent dilemma was that I was not my old self with him anymore. I was killing two birds, metaphorically speaking, with one stone. Again, this is why I have the astronomical cool points in the house and no one else.

"Why do you look so sad?"

"You haven't spoken to me since we got off the roof."

"Oh, yea, that. Sorry."

"Want to tell me what's bothering you?"

"Maybe later. It's not bothering me anymore."

"Later then?"

"I promise. It's something we should discuss anyways. Right now, though, get ready to get your ass kicked in some football."

"Who's to say you'll win? Emmett and Rose are to say."

"They're nothing."

"Want to place a bet on it?"

"Isn't there already a bet in place?"

"Yes, but we could make things more interesting, as a couple."

"Oh, really?"

"Yep."

"And how interesting?"

"Edward, how much are you willing to risk?"

"As long as you are happy, you can take what you want."

"I want a recorded mix tape of Jasper and you playing together."

"That's a bit much, don't you think?"

"Jasper said I'd just have to get you to agree, and you said whatever makes me happy.. Are you chicken?"

"You have yourself a deal, but what do I get if I win?"

"What do you want?"

"I can have whatever I want?"

"Just name it."

"I want a real wedding."

"Are you out of your mind?"

"Are you chicken?"

"Edward, a real wedding? That's a lot, no wait, not a lot, that's a shit-load to ask for over a game of football."

"You said anything."

"Fine, but you better believe I am definitely not letting you win now."

"You won't have to let me do anything."

"Get over there with your team. I do not need you messing with my inner chi right now."

Edward laughed so hard his shoulders shook and took off in a slow, but very sexy, jog towards Jasper and Alice .. He really thought that I wasn't any good at sports, did he? Well, I was about to show him who wears the pants in this relationship. There was no way in hell I was going to let him get over on me that easy.

I walked directly past Rose and Emmett and headed for the shed where there was a garden hose hooked up on the side. He wanted to play dirty, I was going to give him dirty. Let's see how he can handle the wet ground. I am an expert by now in all things requiring balance with little to no tread.

Rose snickered as I huffed by and watched me drag the hose before advising everyone else to back off or get hosed off. I was a determined woman on a mission. This was a fight I had to win; there was no way in hell I was going to be walking down an aisle dressed as a giant fucking marshmallow. 

.


	23. All Hale the Cullens

**Disclaimer: I do not own the characters of Twilight. Stephenie Meyer does and she is oh so very awesome for letting me play with them. Thank you.**

**All Hale The Cullens**

"_I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the ordeal of meeting me is another matter."_

The ground was now sufficiently soaked and all players were lined up. I had a secret weapon that I am sure no one but Emmett and I knew about. Rose was an amazing quarterback, and she loved football. I was also pretty sure that she could take a hit like no other, being that she secretly plays with Emmett and has actually won a few of those super-secret, take-to-your-grave games.

Emmett was going to be my muscle because, well, that's what he was good at. Rose would throw me the ball, and he would knock down anyone that happened to get in the way. I was going to catch the ball and run like nobody's business to the goal line. I had not decided who was going to kick, and being that I would probably bust ass in the process, I was sure that it would be Emmett or Rose that did that kind of dirty work.

Everyone's shoes were already covered in mud, and of course, leave it to Alice to be the only one to complain about that. She loved her shoes entirely too much, if you ask me.

There was the snap, and I took off behind Emmett. Edward was trying to find a way around him as was Alice. Jasper knew better, and as I predicted, he was waiting for me at the goal line. I successfully grabbed the ball and took of like a bat out of hell towards the goal line while dodging Alice.

Emmett did as he was told and took out Edward, who was by far the fastest runner in the group. Alice was hot on my tail as I crossed the half yard line that was made up of wooden posts stuck in the ground. I tried to fake left and turned my ankle the wrong way when Alice collided with my back. She was tiny so if I hadn't of turned the wrong way this would have been more like a piggy back ride; instead, we tumbled to the ground with mud splattering everywhere.

"Ha, I got you down!"

"Save the victory dance, pixie; I still got some good yards!"

She danced away from me to meet the rest of her Team J.A.E on the line of scrimmage while I moved towards my Team Chi. The buzz had worn off from sheer determination, and I could tell from the look in Emmett's and Rose's eyes that they wanted this just as bad as I did. Although probably for different reasons.

Edward blew me a cocky kiss before bending over and taking his position on the field. Arrogant husband of mine, you are going down tonight. Emmett snapped the ball to Rose, and we followed the same routine as before. Emmett on Edward, and Alice feebly trying to get around the lump of men in front of me. Once Edward was again successfully taken down, I made my way around dodging Alice yet again and took off towards the goal line.

Jasper was waiting for me, bouncing from side to side, trying to determine which angle I would be taking. I was so concentrated on him that I did not see Edward get up from Emmett's hold and take off running in my direction. I was blind sighted when I was tackled by a force that was most definitely not Alice .

The wind was knocked out of me, and I could feel the dog pile of bodies above. I am proud to say that I never let go of the ball; instead, I held onto it like I would lose my life and pulled it in closely to my stomach. Once everyone got off of me, I took a long deep breath and stood up. Or well, more like was picked up by Rose and Emmett. I brushed some of the mud off of my pants and glared at Edward.

He didn't look too happy, and there was this strange pull to go and see what was wrong with him. I decided that it could wait. I was not going to lose this game, and I was not going to let him or his gorgeous face distract me. There was more to life than sex with Edward. At least, that is what I was going to keep telling myself.

I was bound and determined to win. I was determined to prove myself an equal, and I was determined not to get married. Picking out the house was just a freebie. I was sure that if I told them I wanted an extra room to myself, they would oblige so, yea, that was a priority goal for me right now.

The game went on within the same manor, each person tackling me until Rose decided that we should switch it up a little bit. An hour into the game, and the score was 10-14. Team J.A.E was winning because it was hard as fuck to tackle Edward when he started running. We had the ball and a few more plays left to make so I was determined that we would let Emmett be our quarterback while Rose and I played a game of keep away down the field.

The idea sounded stupid to me at first, but then again I was very good at keeping away when I was in school.. Everyone else was always taller than I was. Fighting off Edward was going to be hard so Rose suggested that we stay close together; that way if he got one of us, the other could throw the ball and play distraction as much as possible.

Rose had it out for Alice, being that she had been tackled by her several times during the game. It was funny when you watched Alice bring someone twice her size down; it was not so funny when you were the person she brought down. Alice had this cocky way of rubbing it in your face that all four feet ten inches of her just tackled you. I couldn't be mad at the girl; she was covered in mud and obviously proud that her height, or lack thereof, did nothing to slow her down.

"I want to call my last time out!"

I turned my head to see Edward waving his arms in the air to Alice and Jasper, trying to get them over to his group huddle. What he had up his sleeve, no one but he knew about. I decided to use my time wisely and rethink our playing method. Surely they would catch on to the keep-away game after a few attempts at it.

"Rose, we need to switch it up."

"Huh?"

"Switch it up; we can not keep doing the same play. They're not that stupid."

"Agreed, so what do we do?"

We both turned to look at Emmett, who stood there staring off at our opponents deep in thought. This was his thing; he taught this to children, and surely he had a few three-person plays that would work for us.

"Emmett?"

"Give me a minute."

"We do not have a minute."

"You do not rush greatness."

"Emmett, we do not have time for greatness. Just something that will work on the in-between."

"Fine, fine. This is what we'll do. Rose take off your shirt."

"No, Rose leave your shirt on. Emmett get your head out of the gutter and into this game."

"Damnit, but Bella it would look so hot if you two were shirtless."

"Emmett."

"Fine! Shit, um, do the keep away, then switch to Bella throwing and Rose running. Then we'll switch to Bella throwing and Rose blocking. Sound good?"

"So pretty much I play keep away and then throw the ball?"

"Yep."

"What can I do after I throw the ball?"

"Distract Edward or take out Alice, whichever one is closer."

Rose nodded her head in acknowledgment, and we took our places on the field. Jasper was still maintaining his spot towards the goal line. He was determined not to let anyone through, and he had proven to be hard to push by. But that didn't matter; if we had Emmett run the ball on the goal line, he didn't stand a chance. This shit had better work.

The ball was snapped, and Rose and I took off down the field tossing the ball closely back and forth while running and dodging Alice and Edward. He hasn't really tackled me as roughly as he did the first time, and I am beginning to think that the sad look on his face was because he was afraid he hurt me. After all the times I had inadvertently hurt myself, you would think that he wouldn't be that concerned, but as he was being true to the Edward he was worried. It was kind of cute in a distracting sort of way.

Alice lunged for me and missed my upper body but did not fail to grab my leg so as I moved to take another leap forward, I went tumbling down. I successfully threw the ball to Rose right as she was tackled by Edward into the mud. Her hair was strewn across her muddy face, and I wondered when this was all over with, how much she would bitch and moan about washing the mud out of her golden locks. Oh well, you win some, you lose some as long as we didn't lose the game she could complain for next year or so, and I would still be a happy camper.

We were a little over half-way down the field. Time was running out on Emmett's digital stopwatch, and the clock was ticking. We rushed into formation, and this time, I was the one who tossed the ball out to Rose. Emmett played body guard as she ran through the mud taking a few yards before Alice again tackled her to the ground..

This next play was Emmett's run, and I was almost positive that if I didn't get to Alice first, she was going to have hell to pay when Rose did. Hell, I am sure the clock could stop, and Rose would still chase her around the yard wanting to tackle her in the biggest mud pit she could find. The yard was torn up from running and being tackled on it so there were a few selected areas where grass was no longer going to grow and the mud was perfect.

I made a promise to myself that no matter who won this game, I was going to turn the hose back on and hose down everyone. That way I got to hose down everyone, and who wouldn't want to do that? Also, we wouldn't track mud throughout the house, only water and that was just fine with me.

Seven points from one touch down; that's what we got. It was that or six, but either which way we would win then. The teams had gathered again for what was going to be our last play. Emmett had to run the ball a few yards, and Rose and I were his back up.. He could easily take down Jasper at the goal line, and since he had not run the ball through the entire game, I am sure that Alice or Edward would be after us before they caught on to the fact that Emmett was the one they were after.

It was a sure-fire plan, and as soon as the ball snapped, we put it into motion. I tossed Rose the ball who then ran a few feet before tossing it over to Emmett for the home stretch. I gathered all of my strength and ran full speed at Edward, hoping and praying that when I hit him, he at least fell to the ground instead of me just busting ass in the mud while he took off for Emmett.

I felt my body collide with Edward and then I felt the downward motion that was thankfully falling. This is one of the only times you will find me saying that I was thankful that I fell. Not only did I fall, but Edward came toppling down with me. The only thing left to do was to find a way to keep him down here with me.

"I might want children in the future, and I want to move to Chicago."

"Wait; what?"

Mission impossible, my ass; I now had his full attention. The game could not have been even going on because we were now in our own little world, and I had finally gotten his full attention on what I thought about everything. Well, okay, not everything, but at least the two most important topics to him at the moment.

"Bella, get up! We won! We Won!!"

I kissed Edward's shocked face and hopped off of him to run towards my big golden Emmie bear. Jasper had punched the ground a few times before Emmett extended his hand and helped him up to his feet. Alice looked completely torn up and covered in mud while Rose was standing next to her with a rather smug expression on her face. I wish I could have seen what it looked like when Rose finally got Alice back.

I was almost at a steady jog towards Emmett when I felt a cold wet hand pull on my arm and swing me around. My wet matted and muddy hair swung around my face as I turned to see a still happy and shocked Edward.

Once I was facing him he pulled me closer to his body and lowered his lips to mine giving me the best kiss I had ever had. It had passion, it had excitement, and it was with Edward. So let me recap, I just had the best time of my life playing football with my family. My team, Team Chi, won the game, and therefore, we get to pick out the house in Chicago. I do not have to have a formal wedding where I am forced into one of Alice's designs where she will make me look like a giant marshmallow.

To top it all off, my husband who I just beat at football and successfully tackled, was giving me the most amazing kiss ever. Now everyone, you may repeat after me. Life is good; not just good, life just earned a shit-load of cool points.

"Is it time for that conversation?"

"Nope, but you can give me one of those kisses again, Edward."

"Talk, then kiss."

I was going to pout a little bit, but decided that a celebration with my team was in order and that I had one promise to make good on. I held up my index finger and offered Edward my best innocent smile possible as I took off back towards my hose.

Everyone had gathered together for what I would call a group huddle. They were talking and laughing, and the tension that riddled us all had disappeared. Everyone, including myself, was all smiles. Hopefully I don't ruin the moment when I hose everyone off; it was too late to worry about that now, though.

I placed my thumb over the end of the hose and released the kink I had made in it with my hand causing the water to shoot out at full force at everyone. The giggles stopped, and soon the laughter was contagious as I hosed off the sweat and the mud and the grass that was stuck to everyone. Edward left the group shortly after getting his fair share of hosing and ran beside me where I would say he forcefully took the hose from my hands, but then again I do not know if I was really holding on that tight to it to begin with.

Edward didn't place his thumb over the end of the hose like I had done; he didn't even hold the hose out towards everyone else. What the hell? Instead he held the hose above my head and let the water trickle over me, and let me tell you, it was cold as fucking ice on my hot-ass skin. I shivered slightly and realized that my boobs must be at full attention now. Great; now everyone would get a glimpse of the sisters. My tank top was a baby blue, which was closer to white than anything else so even my pretty white bra was showing now. Good thinking, Edward.

Although, now that I think about it, I bet you anything, well not anything but something really good, that he planned that one out in his head. He was quick on his feet and devious to boot when it came to me and the twins. Stupid, cocky, arrogant, self-absorbed, sexy, man-whore of a husband.

"Well, now that we have all showered I say we head in the house."

"Oh, my god Bella, please let me help you with the house selection!?!"

"Alice, your team lost. The decision is now up to Rose, Emmett, and me."

"It's not my fault that Jasper chooses me. Don't be cruel, Bella."

"We'll see. Maybe one or two requests while we are looking."

"That's all that I ask. Now on to the evening celebration, I say that we watch a movie!"

"Hell no, I am so tired of just watching movies."

"Well, then what do you want to do?"

"I want to get comfy, and, I don't know, hang out."

"Hang out? With no games or anything?"

"What's wrong with getting a few drinks and just hanging out?"

"Nothing, I guess. Could we at least include a fun game?"

"Depends. What's the fun game?"

"How about…pictionary?"

I looked over Alice's head and on towards the rest of our family, who were nodding there heads either yes or no. I would say that if you included my vote, pictionary was a no-go in the house of games and relaxation tonight.

" Alice, I do not think that will work. What else do you have?"

"We can play Battle of the Sexes."

Rose scrunched up her nose in disgust Jasper frowned, Emmett shrugged, and Edward rubbed my shoulders, which in Bella's world, that means he was all for whatever I wanted to do. I do not think I really felt like getting all worked up over who was smarter, women or men. We all know that the women are smarter; men lack in the common sense department sometimes.

"What else do you have Alice?"

"I have cards; we can play Speed or Rummy."

Again, I did the check on everyone else, and according to the shoulder shrugs and head bobs, everyone seemed pretty indifferent on the cards. A 'maybe' was as close as she was going to get so I agreed to cards while hanging out. If anything, we could convince Alice to play solitaire while we kept ourselves busy in light-hearted conversation. I didn't really plan on having too many detailed conversations about anything of importance right now.

The facts were laid out on the table. I might give Edward a chance to impregnate me, I was moving to Chicago with my family in tow, Jasper was still the coolest brother a girl could ask for, and although adulthood has to start sometime, I was still going to take it one day at a time. I mean, shit, you'd think a girl like me would be done with the crazy-ass adventures anyways.

After everyone had changed into warmer, dryer clothes, we sat around the living room coffee table with a few of Jasper's wine bottles and full glasses, laughing and talking about the last two years of crap. I, of course, was the only kill joy who wondered what kind of trouble we could get into in Chicago. I mean, hello? Highest crime rate or some shit like that, right?

That would be the perfect place to pretend to be a super ninja. I smiled at the thought of scaling old factories with Edward on a treasure hunt then pushed the thought away before I zoned out.

I know it's not New Year's, but I have a resolution to pay a little bit more attention to what's going on around me. Rose seems to think it'll do me some good and that I'll get my opinions in more often if I pay attention. Theoretically, she's right, but in the long run, she is a glutton for punishment because it's just going to leave more room for sarcasm and bitchy remarks.

Alice was sitting on the left of the coffee table with her cards in hand and legs folded under her. Anytime someone neglected to pay attention to it being their turn, she patted the table in front of them and shot them a wide eyed 'move it along' expression. I tried telling her that she would not have this problem if she did not insist on playing a game during hang-out time.

Jasper sat on the couch next to the left side of the table; of course, he was as close to Alice as comfortably possible. He was also normally the first victim.. It became a game for Edward and I to see who could distract him the longest, and, in turn, upset Alice the most. It was funny for a while, watching his wine slosh around in his glass as he would move between our conversation and his cards.

Emmett sat on the center of the couch, taking up most of the room with his legs comfortably parted and one arm slung across Rose. He caught on quickly to our game with Jasper and continued to throw in random, off-the-wall comments to get Jasper started on history and civil war speeches. The big goofy grin plastered across his face told me everything I needed to know, we played well off of each other.

Rose was her usual beautiful, yet quiet, self. Her expressions ranged, and I felt special, not like the yellow school bus special, but special like I-have-a-secret-and-no-one-else-knows special.. I could have a full conversation with her solely based upon how she lifted her eye brow or the way her mouth formed little creases on the edges. Never tell Rose about the creases; she'd think she had wrinkles and would probably start looking into Botox shots.

I couldn't really see Edward; he wasn't exactly in my direct line of vision, but I could feel his arms encased around me as we sat on the right hand side of the table together. He was crossed legged, or as some would say criss-cross apple sauce. It's a pretty cute, yet childish, terminology if you ask me. I was fine back when we called it sitting Indian style. Anyways, to be politically correct, he was sitting criss-cross apple sauce with me positioned comfortably in his lap.

I had my head leaned back against his shoulder, and I could feel the stubble on his chin graze my forehead every time he turned his head in a side-to-side motion. I knew I would probably have a red mark on my forehead from this, but at the time, I really didn't care. It kind of tickled, and I preferred him all manly looking as opposed to clean shaven. It didn't happen often so I didn't complain when it did.

The wine glasses stayed full, and the atmosphere stayed lively. I couldn't imagine a better position to be sitting in. My life is no fairy tale, nor is it anything really worth writing about. It's just life, and that is worth far more than anything else anyone could ever offer me, in terms of who I am today.


	24. Epilogue

**Disclaimer: I do not own the characters of Twilight. Stephenie Meyer does and she is oh so very awesome for letting me play with them. Thank you.**

**Epilogue**

"_The ultimate measure of a person is not where they stand in moments of comfort and convenience, but where they stand in times of challenge and controversy."_

The house was beautiful and perfect for each one of us. There was an attic room that we had divided into several separate rooms, or well, offices so that each person could have their alone time. It was a requirement by me.

The yard was big enough for outside sports, and of course, there was a music room. I was still waiting on my mix C.D. from Jasper and Edward; it seems that every time they would get together to work on it for me, something came up, like creative differences for example. That will probably be a forever ongoing battle between the two. I didn't care; as long as they were actually working on it, I figure eventually I will get it, and it will be awesome. I am a patient woman.

Alice was not only the lead designer, but she was running her little sweat shop down town and taking on charities left and right. She even designed a low-cost line for homeless people; you wouldn't believe the conveniences these clothes had packed into them. I won't even try to break it down, maybe one day she will for you.

Rose was heading up some big plans on rebuilding classic cars and opening up her own restoration shop. Emmett adored the new school he worked at and enjoyed pushing those little kids as far as they could go. I often worried if the overjoyed parents really new the kind of advice he provided them, but I can tell you that these kids now had a high-pain threshold when sports were involved. They often took on children who were half their size.

Edward worked all the time, but it didn't really put a strain on our relationship, not that everything was perfect. Life was not meant to be perfect; instead, I choose my hours based around his schedule, and we spent as much time together as humanly possible.

Charlie, Kim, Renee, Carlisle, and Esme visited us often, and they even had their own rooms in the house. I wouldn't say the house looked like a mansion, but it certainly didn't look as big as it really was when you stood on the outside of it. I liked that feature a lot. Big houses that look like mansions were just too over powering and asked to be broken into.

The crime rate here isn't as bad as I thought it was. Well, it was no worse than were we stayed in California , but then again as long as we didn't have strange stalkers trying to cook us breakfast, I was content with the outside world.

I was currently leaving a doctors appointment. I had a surprise for Edward. Now, before you go making assumptions about pregnancy and all that jazz, let me tell you, I am not pregnant! But I did just get off of my birth control, and I do not plan on telling Edward. I'd rather things happen naturally like they are supposed to. We'll see how that goes when he finds out that I am miraculously pregnant. Lord help the doctor who has to take care of me then.

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	25. Authors Note

**Disclaimer: I do not own the characters of Twilight. Stephenie Meyer does and she is oh so very awesome for letting me play with them. Thank you.**

**Authors Note.**

**Ah, it's another ending…unfortunately it will be the last of the ending's in the Tattoo story line. I might, and this is a far away maybe, write an in the future third story. It most likely will not be anytime too soon. Sorry to those who want to read about the pregnant and moody Bella, or the over obsessed Edward and concerned family. **

**I will however hopefully soon be starting another story with Alice Vampire. I think that it has the potential to be super awesome and out rank most stories in the cool points department. So yea, when it's posted you should check it out!**

**I want to Thank Yuki for editing my horrible use of the English language. You have been super doper! ;-P **

**Also, thank you to everyone who has reviewed and laughed with me while writing this story, without the readers their really is no point in writing the story at all. So yea…here's a big mushy thanks to you guys!**

**If there are any outtakes that you would like to see written please let me know which chapter and from whose point of view. Sometimes the outtakes to me are cooler than the story itself. So yea, you can post the request in the review or you can message and it shall be done! **

**Merkle.**

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	26. Authors Note!

**Authors Note!**

**Hey I just wanted to invite everyone to read Worlds Divided which is co written with Alice Vampire. It's a fun story to write and it follows a wonderful story line. There are two POV throughout the story Jasper and Alice, go check it out! **

**Also in regards to my fans who are or have read Casa De Angeles I will be writing more due to the response in request for a finished story! **

**Please review, I love reading your thoughts!**

**Xoxo**

**Merkle.**


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